I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

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moonsong
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I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by moonsong » Sun Oct 26, 2008 5:51 pm

This past week or so ... I have been so afraid. My daughter (she is 43) had an extremely bad asthma attack plus some really awful allergic reactions. My state of mind is a bit like I haven't learned anything about Tolle's teachings or any thing else. Lori is a very spiritual person and trying to figure out what she is 'doing' to cause what she is going through; as well as to be so careful about what she eats or drinks and even she is becoming discouraged. She also developed painful acid reflux several weeks ago. I gave her my Power of Now book which she is now starting to read and she really likes it.

Suddenly having faith and trusting seems so distant to me and I feel so badly that I feel that way. I'm just so scared. I lost my son, who was 25 when he committed suicide 15 years ago ... I could block a lot of his suffering because I was still working and could 'go on' ... but this scares me. I thought I had the whole 'illness and death thing' all worked out in my mind ever since I got into Seth over 30 years ago ... and now, its like I feel so groundless and helpless to do anything. It's like I can't be OK unless my daughter is OK. I was drawn to Tolle's teaching about a year ago and felt like I have learned SO much and saw things SO much more clearly ... but now I feel like I don't know anything.

I would appreciate your words and advice. Thank you for helping me. I hope I put things in some kind of understandable order.
Love and appreciation, Moonsong

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by Sighclone » Sun Oct 26, 2008 7:25 pm

Hi moonsong and welcome again!

You say:
It's like I can't be OK unless my daughter is OK.
My first comments here will be from the world of conventional psychotherapy (the lay-person's version, since that's what I am!) Pick up a copy of "Born to Win", by James and Jongeward. Yes it was written in 1971 and concerns Transactional Analysis (Another book on this is: "I'm OK, you're OK"). But it is the best, readable version of a description of the human ego, and its interactions with others and with itself, in my opinion. Before Eckhart, it was in the top three books I'd ever read. It ends with a quote from Frederick Perls: "Everything is grounded in awareness." Oops, that sounds like Eckhart!! Try abebooks.com. That is a website created by a large global group of used booksellers - it's a huge resource.

At worst it will be very interesting reading. At best, it may explain some behaviors you see.

The stock nondual reply to your fear would be: "Invite it in." Emotions tend to lose their grip on us when exposed to Presence or Awareness. (Other members here may choose to expand on this.) Then read "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie and practice the 'four questions and a turnaround' on the statement: "My daughter needs to get well." You will need to try that technique on a few other, non-personal, issues first to get the hang of how it works. Her website is thework.com. She is gaining respect in the conventional analytical community as a cognitive therapist, despite her minimal formal training.

Seth has always been too cerebral and parental to resonate with me...he seems to work well for others, though.

Hope this helps, Namaste,

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

happns
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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by happns » Sun Oct 26, 2008 9:53 pm

Hi Moonsong, may I extend my compassion to you and your daughter... below is a link to a short 10 minute Eckhart Teachings video on you tube pulled from his Practicing Presence DVD titled "Why do senseless events happen?"... please pass onto your daughter if you feel it appropriate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeFe9FJp9Oc

Vanessa - New Zealand
Here is a new spiritual practice for you... don't take your thoughts too seriously - Eckhart from Stillness Speaks

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by Tara » Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:03 pm

Hi,
I was just coming to the site to ask about something similar. Thanx to everyone I now have 3 of Tolle's books, 1 of Byron Katie's and PON CD's. I am finding the teachings of both can go hand in hand for me. I get the exercises that Katie does and words can't describe how it feels to use them and watch the videos. I think I have been "searching" all my life for something and actually found some peace in religion until family deaths. Then I distanced myself from that. I am using Katie's work to see that the feelings or what I thought of as sadness is actually love for that person...BUT everytime I "think" I have some progress into my many thoughts that flood me, I get stuck again. There is a woman who just died that I had a brief but very nice encounter with. I rarely connect with people but she "had" something about her. Maybe she was enlightened?? But her death/murder which is all over the news,keeps haunting me. Like I said I didn't know her well but I wake up at night and my mind goes crazy about her attack and death. I use the work and it helps but how do you keep from going backwards? It is what it is...it happened...is it my mind trying to understand a senseless crime? Does my mind need to know all the details before it is satisfied or is it my underlying fear of such a thing happening to me?
I remember when I was a kid and terrible things happened to others it seemed not real...but now I have a hard time hearing of anything. I had stopped watching the news but ignoring things won't make them go away??

Fear and wanting are what keeps us from the now but how can one really look at a illness or death without fear and wanting? especially when it is family?
I hope I made some sense:)
and yes, moonsong Byron Katie is sooo worth checking out!

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by letitgo » Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:43 pm

Hello moonsong,
You wrote;
Suddenly having faith and trusting seems so distant to me and I feel so badly that I feel that way.
Try to remember, even in this difficult situation, that you feel how you feel. Don't try to change how you feel, just recognize it. By recognizing it while being present, without judgement, you will find your path to peace in this situation. Doing this may intensify your fear, but that's OK. Keep recognizing and watching and feeling and you will open to what's real. Just keep coming back to being present over and over. Byron Katie's book walks you through this process in a much more specific way by asking the four questions.

When my father passed away about nine years ago, I was anything but enlightened and we had not spoken for several years. His sudden death was the worst of times and in retrospect the best of times because of the effect the event had on my facade. It was by far the most devastating event of my life, and it has brought more joy and understanding to my awareness than any other event. Nine years ago, almost to date, I certainly would not have believed such dribble, but today, there is no greater joy than to realize there is a Source so intricate and at the same time so powerful as to orchestrate this grand symphony of lives and deaths. A Source so familiar to us that, "The hairs on our head are numbered."

This forum has a plethora of wonderful people and opinions and I hope you find the help you need. Be present, don't fight yourself by fighting how you feel, and this too shall pass.

Sincerely, Norm
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

moonsong
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Re: I am so scared/ daughter's illness (Reply)

Post by moonsong » Tue Oct 28, 2008 9:18 pm

Thank you all SO very much for your kind replies and suggestions. They mean so very much to me. My daughter is better, :) and right now I am feeling a wee bit on the lousy side. :?
In spite of reading Tolle's books (and MANY others) I find that I am now examining things in a way that I have never examined them before... and at times I feel just ducky dandy, really at peace and see at least a great deal of the 'big picture' like Tolle described in that YouTube; ...and at other times I am SO confused...and here the word 'scared' comes up again... Norm, I appreciate what you said about not holding back... because there will be many questions I want to be asking... and I think I might turn out to be many member's "tea boy" ... :wink:
Pema Chodron tells of a famous Buddhist monk-teacher who keeps an extremely annoying tea boy in his employ. He keeps him around in spite of everyone else telling this very wise teacher to get rid of the annoying little twerp ... But his teacher just laughs and always replies that his tea boy is a constant reminder that he still has learning to do... probably in the area of developing even more patience! LOL... So I will be here and there on this board asking a lot of questions. I know the 'answers are in me' but I still need help with finding quite a few light switches... (Just when I was thinking I had learned and knew so much.... :? ...sigh....AND chuckle...
Love to you all,
Moonsong

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by Sighclone » Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:07 am

ms -

You say:
I feel just ducky dandy, really at peace and see at least a great deal of the 'big picture' like Tolle described in that YouTube; ...and at other times I am SO confused...and here the word 'scared' comes up again..
That sounds very normal to me, and to many of us, I'm sure. Unity consciousness passes in and out of our awareness as we stabilize...Adyashanti calls it "permanently abiding." He took 15 years.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by Soul Seeker » Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:05 am

Hi Moonsong - Glad to hear your daughter is feeling better now. I can relate to your pain - when a loved one is ill there is much suffering. Recently I read A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie and one of the chapters deals with illness - in fact a woman's imagined illness of her daughter. Katie does what she calls The Work with this woman and I found it very helpful when dealing with my own family. Here a small sample:

Katie:Your mind goes into the future, and it creates hell, it creates even more suffering than the apparent problem your're dealing with, as though that one were not enough. And then how do you treat......let's say it's your daughter. How do you treat your daughter, who is in such terrible pain? How you treat your daughter when you believe the though "I can't handle it"?

Sarah: I get terrified and overwhelmed. I pull away from her. My own pain feels so overwhelming that I can't really be there for her.

Katie: How do you deal with life when you believe the thought "I can't handle it"? Who would you be without the thought?

Sarah: I would be much calmer. I'd be confident. I'd be able to look into her eyes and hold her hand, however terrible she was suffering.

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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by moonmissy » Fri Nov 14, 2008 5:06 am

Hi Moonsong,

Being an asthma sufferer all of my life since childhood, I understand your daughter's pains. I myself had been hospitalized many times because of asthma attacks. The last time was in 2005 where I was hospitalized for a full week on ventilators.
My best advice is....try to eventually control asthma without steriods. It can be very harmful long term.

I have been medication free for two years and have almost no asthma attacks during this time. The key is to do a skin and breathing allergy test to see what allergen triggers your daughter's asthma. Watch for food allergies. Environmental air pollutant is very important too. Get rid of all of it from her home. Pets, dust, carpet, etc... More importantly, I used to live and work in a smoggy large city with poor air quality. I left and went to a smaller rural area to live....it does wonders.

Visit a good Chinese herbal doctor....their medication tastes really bad, the effects is slow but but it addresses the core problems. Traditional medicine goes to the root of the causes of asthma, which is low immune tolerance and allergies. I also take a variety of vitamins which helps to boost my immune functions and health. One of the best book I had read on asthma which helps me to gain control over my illness was "Reversing Asthma" by Dr. Richard N. Firshein. He is a doctor who suffered heavy asthma attacks for years and found a very effective way to get rid of asthma attacks for good.

I followed the advice on the book on taking vitamins, watching what food I eat, get an air purifier, got rid of pets, mold and dusts and learned abdominal breathing.

I hope this helps.

moonmissy
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Re: I am so scared because of my daughter's illness

Post by innerhike » Sat Nov 15, 2008 5:30 am

Moonsong,

Is it possible that you know certain ideas and teachings but if you had to save your life, you would rely not on these teachings or ideas but on your own instincts?

I believe that many have benefitted from the teachings of various teachers whether human or channeled.

But until people experientially, for themselves, find out who they are, face to face and are able to stabilize in this, letting go of their concepts, until such time the ideas are just ideas.

I find that without some kind of meditative practice one does not experientially know/realize one's deeper aspects.

These teachers and teachings are just pointers. You have to travel the terrain and come home to your true self/nature/groundless ground.

It is not important what the teachers say. It is important that we are shown the extent of our hidden fear in the moments that you have faced recently.

This is a happy occasion -- to be confronted with the fear that one knows not much and that one is not able to rely on much.

The more you welcome this sort of catastrophe, the more you are just willing to be with all of your Life, the more the chance that you will have less need for teachers and teachings.

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