How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

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citronella49
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How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by citronella49 » Thu Dec 18, 2008 3:37 pm

I have small to large breakdowns from time to time, and after each one I feel 'better'... not sure if its really better, but I tend to feel a bit more positive for a while... but it always fails... eventually my negative feelings, especially resentment for things not being the way I think they should be (I know thats a big problem in itself) build up, and I pop again.

I need to deal with these things when they come up... and sometimes I can... but as I deal with more and more issues, I feel like... "I just dealt with crap like this yesterday... and I accepted it then and moved on, and here it is again! If I dont do something about it, its just gonna keep coming back to frustrate me" So its the cyclical pattern of things thats aggravating me... someone does something that might upset me... and I stay present and move on... but then it happens again... and I try to stay present again, but I dont think I actually moved on from the first incident... just pretended to move on... cause if I actually moved on then I wouldnt be thinking about it as justification forgetting pissed about the new incident right? I don't know if any of this is making sense, but this is what causes me to "flip out" over really meaningless stuff, and it really confuses my bf, and he doesn't know Im holding all this stuff inside, so when one tiny thing happens and I pop, he thinks Im a little unstable... which I guess I am right now...

So, how can I actually move on when things happen that pull me out of the present (which is like every 30 seconds!)
I just want to understand

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by randomguy » Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:25 pm

I don't have anything to say that is better than what Tolle says, but maybe start with not beating yourself up about it, and realize it's your ego/pain body which has developed through no fault of your own.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by domokato » Thu Dec 18, 2008 9:46 pm

citronella,

Yes, what you are trying to do is change the way you react to things. You are used to reacting to things a certain way, so you cannot change that overnight. You're retraining yourself, and it takes time for new things to "stick".
citronella49 wrote:I have small to large breakdowns from time to time, and after each one I feel 'better'... not sure if its really better, but I tend to feel a bit more positive for a while... but it always fails... eventually my negative feelings, especially resentment for things not being the way I think they should be (I know thats a big problem in itself) build up, and I pop again.
You feel better because you have released pent up emotional energy from your body and mind. This does not resolve the root of where the pent up energy is coming from. That's why it builds up again.
citronella49 wrote:someone does something that might upset me... and I stay present and move on... but then it happens again... and I try to stay present again, but I dont think I actually moved on from the first incident... just pretended to move on... cause if I actually moved on then I wouldnt be thinking about it as justification forgetting pissed about the new incident right?
I think you did move on the first time. It's just that you think you didn't, and in that moment you made it true (you did move on, but because of that thought you moved "backwards", back to that first event), and now you're getting frustrated about it. Don't think about moving on - just do it. The more times you choose to move on, the more you'll do it automatically. Then eventually you'll forgive people immediately. Then after a while you won't need to forgive because you won't judge in the first place. Getting frustrated about it is a step in the wrong direction (in relation to awakening). Recognize your frustration and forgive yourself for it.

And maybe for you, "move on" isn't the best phrase to use. Try to "forgive" people instead. But remember, don't get caught up on the words. They're just pointers. Feel the truth we're trying to point you to. "Forgive" isn't 100% accurate either, because it can imply a feeling of superiority. Perhaps "let it be" would be another phrase to use. I can give you all the practical advice in the world, but experiencing deeper presence is really all that's needed. Just remember that "you" are not affected by these events. It's really just your ego reacting. "You" are that which observes life and everything in it, including yourself and others. "You" are unchangeable, still, peace, presence, awareness, consciousness. That's it. No pressure. No emotions. No boyfriend. No job. No car. No apartment. No nothing. No problems. No worries. No time. Just "you". You can rest :)
~housecat

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by Sighclone » Fri Dec 19, 2008 4:07 am

c49 -

Did the chapter in ANE on the painbody help at all? It's a major part of that book - starts on p. 129 of the 2006 Plume edition.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by citronella49 » Mon Dec 22, 2008 4:05 pm

yes, but the painbody is not something easily tacked down and examined, at least not for me, its always moving and much too strong for me at times, and parts of it are always hiding... maybe Im just making this unnecessarily difficult
I just want to understand

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by Sighclone » Mon Dec 22, 2008 8:08 pm

c49 -

The painbody adds stress and tension the moment it surfaces. But in that first moment, there is usually an opportunity to breathe. The old rubric "count to ten" is actually very nondual. It gives us a chance to fully enter presence. Nip it quickly. Then, the big ol' mind is available to find an alternate solution to the trigger event. I do this a few times a day...makes me smile now...that rascal painbody. :)

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by citronella49 » Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:06 am

So, it sounds like the painbody never goes away, you just learn how to suppress it...? Do I understand correctly? Cause I thought I could make it go away and make it stop... or is that just what happens after you learn how to suppress it totally?
I just want to understand

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by domokato » Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:27 am

Suppression is resistance, and resistance causes suffering. "Resist nothing" is the phrase that came to Eckhart during his time of intense suffering. The pain body doesn't go away. It gets weaker and may disappear for a while, but it is a part of you and it will always have the potential to regain strength if you feed it. All you have to do is recognize it for what it is and it will no longer control you.
~housecat

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by citronella49 » Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:03 am

More stupid questions from the peanut gallery....

If I recognize the painbody, I am to recognize it as something that isnt me... but Im totally convinced that it is me... that without that loathing resenting thing inside me that I will be nothing... so if I recognize it as not me, then I thin I am fighting it... and thats just what makes it stronger... so the only option is to accept it, accept that it has control over me and allow it to do its work... and drag me along behind it...

Im sure this isnt how you feel about it, thats just my twisted perception... but I need to understand this better, I need to understand your understanding cause ... dang, Im thinking too much right? And probably causing you guys to think too much as well!
I just want to understand

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by Sighclone » Tue Dec 23, 2008 2:22 am

The pb can rise up and take over the "executive function" - run the show. Behavior is directed by it. But, like the ego, this conditioned fabrication is not at all who you are - not even close. Moreover it needs you to energize it with stories. Notice it start up, then enter presence. I presume you are practicing a meditation technique...

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by domokato » Tue Dec 23, 2008 3:12 am

Yes, you can't fight the pain body. You have to accept it and observe it. That's all. The more you do this, the more you will understand how it works and the more you can choose what to do when it flares up.
~housecat

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by Webwanderer » Tue Dec 23, 2008 3:47 pm

citronella49 wrote: If I recognize the painbody, I am to recognize it as something that isnt me... but Im totally convinced that it is me... that without that loathing resenting thing inside me that I will be nothing... so if I recognize it as not me, then I thin I am fighting it... and thats just what makes it stronger... so the only option is to accept it, accept that it has control over me and allow it to do its work... and drag me along behind it...
This is partially correct, but incomplete. You are not actually the me, it just feels like it. You are the field of awareness within which this concept of me, this belief in a specified identification, lives the experience of a separate being.

Who/what is the I that is convinced in the me? Make this distinction. The painbody is just part of the make-up of this "me" perception, and when it is active it constantly reinforces its influance over that perception. The more you fight and resent the painbody's make-up the stronger it becomes.

Look at the belief structures that create and form your perception of your me sense. Realize they are adopted perceptions that you did not always hold. What says you must continue to hold them? Look also at the self judgment that feeds the pain body. Then ask yourself honestly - are you worthy of forgiveness for those things in you judged as wrong? Are you so special in the world that you are unforgivable? Then, who is it but you that can make such judgments about your life and who you are, and who but you can forgive them?

The truth is right in front of you, always. Arguments for your limitations and retchedness simply insure your continued experience through them. Consider removing the word "can't" from your vocabulary. You give it far to much control over your life. Strong belief in such a concept is unnecessarily debilitating - and it's usually not true. Look and see. You can do much more than you allow yourself to do if you will stop hiding behind this word.

Find some regular time to sit in silent clarity, just resting in appreciation of the present moment free of thought. Get Adyashanti's True Meditation if you need clear instruction. If strong emotions come up, feel them fully without any accompanying mental dialog. Sit with them in a sense of open recognition and forgiveness. It's okay to love ourselves in spite of our perceived failures. We are here to learn after all, about this unique world of form. Give yourself space to do so.

WW

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by rudybear » Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:00 pm

Hey, Andy, Pema Chodron wrote a great article a while back on mindfulness and talked about the "three conscious breaths" routine. Sounds very much like what you have adopted in your daily life.

I agree with you. It makes all the difference in the world when I can remember to do it. And I usually remember to do it more consistently when I have started the day with meditation of some sort. Then it becomes a sort of extension of the meditation. Can't recall the exact article, but I think it was for Shambhala Sun so you should be able to google for it. Peace...

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Re: How do you deal with pent up resentment and negative feeling

Post by Sighclone » Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:06 pm

Pema Chodron is great - I will look that up, thanks!

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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