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Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:01 pm
by meg
I am new to Tolle's ideas and the idea of awakening, have been listening to audios and doing some reading for a few months now, and sometimes feel I'm making progress. Today I feel I've backslid. My bad habit is another forum I have been a member of for several years, based on a hobby popular with women (exact hobby not that relevant to my problem). Originally I used the site strictly to gain information and improve my skills. I have noticed in the past few months that there is more traffic in the areas of the site that allow people to express opinions about other things, and I am getting much too embroiled in these discussions, mostly lurking and occasionally making a comment with as much tact as possible... but I often get very disturbed and preoccupied with some of the views. In the past few days there have been posts about actresses who appeared at the Oscars and discussion about what they wore. The discussion developed into knit-picking scrutiny and criticism of women's appearances and guesses about whose cleavage is real and whose is not. It might sound like something to easily walk away from, but I have been getting so caught up in defending people against harsh criticism it's actually affecting my sleep. I made a decision today, once I made my final point on the board (quite tactfully I think) I will never go on that site again. It's a nightmare and a waste of time. I don't want to go there to test my ability to stay present and detached. I need to break what really feels like an addiction. Please share any thoughts you have regarding breaking this kind of addiction b/c I don't feel confident I can just stop cold turkey. What can I say to myself every time I get curious about what the latests posts are? Thanks for any help.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:11 pm
by Glycine
You can start by realizing that your "real self" and your "real happiness" have little to do with that website.
Analyze the feeling without fighting it.

You could also try use a trick: go to the website and write a brief message that you are leaving for good! You can also instruct your operating system or web-browser to block that site! Put a password, and throw it away! Of course, all these tricks can be circumvented...

This is why you will eventually have to go to the root: "What am I ?" "Why am I here?"

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:23 pm
by kiki
You have a certain expectation of what that site should be like, and that expectation is no longer being met. But, it is what it is - take from it what is useful for you and disregard the rest. The existence of whatever else that distracts from the primary purpose of the site doesn't obligate you to participate in or even view, so why let it upset you.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:55 pm
by meg
Thank you Glycine and Kiki, both of your posts very helpful. Regarding using the site just for the bare minimum ... I think i've gotten to the point where it doesn't help me at all anymore. It's changed in the past year, new members, new vibe, mostly about gossip. I have found myself upset by it several times in the past few weeks, and keep saying to myself "stop going there altogether, you are beyond it now." Once I am on the site for the technical stuff, I venture into the other "opinionated" parts and get drawn in. I feel the whole thing is bad for me and tends to eat too much time and energy, but it feels like an addiction, so that's why I came to this board. Your ideas are excellent and I will mull them over today and figure out what will work for me. Thanks again for listening and responding.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:57 am
by Juno
You might try realizing that you are in the trance of mind everytime you want to go there. Use it as a pointer back to your true self, Presence.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 7:50 am
by Narz
I've somewhat addicted to a certain forum also. I have almost 16,000 posts there! :shock:

I can understand what you're going thru. For example I got caught up in defending organic agriculture. I'm outspoken so I attract a lot of haters.

I've resolved to not go over 16,000 posts which is very challenging because I have such momentum. If you click on either of the above links again in a few weeks you'll be able to see whether I achieved it or not.

I also post on a few other forums but am less likely to get "caught up" there.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:33 am
by meg
Juno, I like your idea to use the inclination as a pointer and will try it in the next few days as I try to kick the habit.

Narz, thanks so much for sharing your similar experience. It really helps to know there are others in my shoes. Sending you a PM to say more.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:37 am
by NoordZee
Hi Meg,
I am inclined to agree with kiki. Take out of that site what you want and discard the rest. If it has evolved to a point that you cannot relate to the subjects being discussed any longer, the solution would have to be: quit! Nobody tells you that you have to be a member of that site. I am a member of a social networking site, which is geared towards older people. I have made some very good friends there and thoroughly enjoy it. However, if ever the mood on that website were to change for the worse, I would simply leave them but stay in touch with my friends. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:59 pm
by Webwanderer
Hi Meg. Consider what it means to have an investment in what others think. It's one thing to state your point of view, it's yet another to have an emotional investment in how that point of view is received. If we offer what we feel is some genuine insight or clarity on a particular subject, what does it say about us to judge others based on their response? Pointers are best offered with a companion of freedom. To do otherwise is to subtly perceive ourselves superior to another.

The same conditions that generated the anger of sleepless nights may continue to be present within you. Leaving the forum you mentioned may only remove the catalyst. Be alert for other manifestations.

WW

Re: Need to break a bad habit ... please help!

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:41 pm
by Peaceman
I go with Glycine on this. If you are anything like me and you do what he says you will never be able to find your way back again!! lol
No I am sure you will, it just takes will power and the longer you have been using it obviously the harder it will be to break the HABIT a lot of what we do is HABIT. See if you have a special time when you go on, if so, make sure you are doing something else at that time?