Reading with Disinterest

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
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eagle2phoenix
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Reading with Disinterest

Post by eagle2phoenix » Tue Mar 24, 2009 3:00 am

When I first found this forum, I was so excited and participating in topics regularly. Then I went into yet another bout of depression. Now I read the forum with disinterest. I find reading long passages tedious. I like the short stuff. I wanted to share all my experiences earlier, found that there were too many stories to tell and decided to leave it all alone. And I find that one cannot avoid using the word I unless one uses the word one.

I still enjoy gardening, composting and tending to my fish in their pots and aquarium as it keeps me in touch with Mother Nature. The weather tends to get very hot now in Malaysia and I often do a rain chant for the rain to come. I don't mind a sunny day but when it is sweltering hot, I call out for rain to cool, clear and cleanse the earth and the air.

I am "fortunate" to be not working right now as I find enjoyment in the quietude of home life when my boys are in school or asleep.

Question is - Have I gotten disinterested in life or too contented with not working (ego talking) or Am I finding my way home?
Life is fascinating. Nature is beautiful. Live life with nature.

Peaceman
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by Peaceman » Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:27 pm

Who knows eagle! :) But I do think you are fortunate to have the time to contemplate on things.

"Stillness is the only thing in this world that has no form. But then, it is not really a thing, and it is not of this world." Tolle

So enjoy its sweetness while you can.

OnthePath
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by OnthePath » Tue Mar 24, 2009 2:57 pm

HI eagletoPhoenix, hi Peaceman

I feel almost the same thing as you do. But unlike you, I don't think it's because I'm finding my way Home-unfortunately :( . I dread talking to people. For me it's a waste of time. Reading the posts is sometimes painful when the post is too long. Calling people is also painful to me. I love to be by myself. Have I become anti-social? Maybe. I'm conscious of the social phobia that's growing in me. On the other hand, I don't judge people as often as I used to. Maybe because I don't have as much contact with them as I used to. Sometimes I feel that I am building walls around me and that scares me.

Peaceman
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by Peaceman » Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:17 am

I dont think it will last, OnthePath, you may be doing that jig-saw puzzle, and when its finished you will be able to talk to people, call people etc knowing the puzzle is completed and in place!

mmy
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by mmy » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:19 am

OnthePath wrote:I love to be by myself.
Me too - I value my solitude. It's interesting how people who like to be by themselves and/or have no interest in regularly socializing can be viewed as anti-social, another label. Socializing can be healthy but when it is focused on egoic desires/pursuits, gossiping, attacking or devaluing others, then I try to stay clear of that.

This post reminds me of another one by piercej that I really related to. Here is the link:

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... 255#p36972

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by eagle2phoenix » Thu Mar 26, 2009 5:41 am

Quietude and solitude - at peace with the self. I guess some effects from depression is that one appreciates the quiet alONEness and not having to spend too much time wearing masks with too many people in situations (i.e., at work). I also find that I don't want to get into situations where one argues over matters or issues, giving perceptions or views, arguing till the cows come home. Which is why I now tend not to read too long threads. People have too many questions, too many views, too many arguments, too many thoughts. Some have wisdom, no denying, but the length and breath of what is learned and perceived tend to get too convoluted for my simple mind. Zen mind, beginners mind, no mind, let go, non attachment, non judgment.
Life is fascinating. Nature is beautiful. Live life with nature.

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by Sighclone » Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:10 am

To each his/her own, E2P. Are you content? Do you suffer? Both Eckhart and Ramana spent years in solitude. Don't judge your new interest in your garden. It is a place of peace. Work is not for you now. Love what is.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Peaceman
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by Peaceman » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:49 pm

:D I couldnt have worded it better Eagle! Thanks so much, that is exactly how I feel(your last post above). Everything is a matter of OPINION. Tolerance is the key, we cant all feel the same.

"The most important thing to remember is that knowledge is not wisdom...." Osho

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by karmarider » Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:09 am

eaglephoenix, I share some of your experience. I had a great deal of anxiety but it's completely gone, and I credit the Sedona Method. There has been a great deal of detachment and apathy, and a recidivism to addictions. It's gone on for about nine months now, but it seems to be receding. My guess is this is a natural part of releasing...it's old stuff that comes up. but who knows for sure?

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by eagle2phoenix » Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:49 am

To you who responded, I give thanks. It is simple things like this and solitude that keeps me going. No inferences by people. I won't deny that I am affected by people, their views and the energy they emit. More so the energy. I have become so spacious that the slightest disturbance causes a ripple effect into my very being. The slightest negative energy can cause me great pain. Even my own negative thoughts can do that. Which is why I now approach things with disinterest, detachment. Especially at times like this when there is so much instability, e.g., the turmoil at Gaza. It is just as it is.

karmarider, you have a very nice blog.
Life is fascinating. Nature is beautiful. Live life with nature.

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by karmarider » Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:53 am

Thank you, Carol! "I have become so spacious that the slightest disturbance causes a ripple effect into my very being." Beautiful!

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by OnthePath » Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:37 pm

Peaceman wrote:I dont think it will last, OnthePath, you may be doing that jig-saw puzzle, and when its finished you will be able to talk to people, call people etc knowing the puzzle is completed and in place!
Hi Peaceman,
I like this jig-saw and puzzle reference. It's true that I'm swimming in unknown waters; so I probably need time to find who I am first then be ready for others.

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by OnthePath » Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:45 pm

mmy wrote:
OnthePath wrote:I love to be by myself.
Me too - I value my solitude. It's interesting how people who like to be by themselves and/or have no interest in regularly socializing can be viewed as anti-social, another label. Socializing can be healthy but when it is focused on egoic desires/pursuits, gossiping, attacking or devaluing others, then I try to stay clear of that.

This post reminds me of another one by piercej that I really related to. Here is the link:

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... 255#p36972
Hi mmy,

Yes you're right but in my case, it's painful to be with others for a long period of time because I have to put on masks and show them that I am happy and have to listen to them. I don't know how to put it but the effort of doing that makes me tired. However through presence I have learned to watch this resistance and it helped a lot. The other day, I had a meeting and instead of skipping it, I went to meet people. It wasn't that hard. I listened to their speech being present as much I could. So from now on, everytime I feel resistance toward meeting people or calling them over the phone, I will observe this resistane and how the mind tries to talk me into identifying with this resistance. And we'll see what will happen.

mmy
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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by mmy » Sat Mar 28, 2009 1:57 am

OnthePath wrote:it's painful to be with others for a long period of time because I have to put on masks and show them that I am happy and have to listen to them.
What would be different if you didn't wear a mask and were just being yourself?
OnthePath wrote:the effort of doing that makes me tired.
Yes, I can relate, in my experience the human doing instead of being drained me of energy. Alot of my "doing" was fear based and when I recognized that I simply couldn't give more or do more and my efforts were leading to mental and spiritual exhaustion, I thought "so now what? "What do I do?" It felt like I was in a void so I finally just decided to stay there and not think my way out of it. I slowly began to sense a shift happening and see more clearly how, although I could be present to others, I wasn't being present to myself. So what would being present to myself look like? My mind was ready for this and I anticipated the answers I was going to come up with. None came. And the shift kept happening, I began to no longer feel a void so I wondered, "what's left?" And I simply discovered a peace I couldn't describe. When I discovered Eckhart's pointers it became clearer.
OnthePath wrote:So from now on, everytime I feel resistance toward meeting people or calling them over the phone, I will observe this resistane and how the mind tries to talk me into identifying with this resistance. And we'll see what will happen.
That's wonderful OnthePath, when we can see resistance for what it is and realize the nature of what we are.

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Re: Reading with Disinterest

Post by OnthePath » Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:27 am

mmy wrote: What would be different if you didn't wear a mask and were just being yourself?
EXCELLENT question!!! A question that made me reflect on some of my actions. If I didn't wear a mask, friends and family would probably think I'm too sad or too happy, silent, aloof, or not very responsive as sometimes I try to listen to my body while I listen to them. I feel tired after that. I feel a little drained. That's why I prefer loneliness.

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