I'm alive... and scared!

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I'm alive... and scared!

Post by kmlittleton » Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:54 am

Lately I've been getting some strange, intrusive thoughts that have been really freaking me out... it's like I suddenly woke up and realized I was alive and inside a body and got scared.

I know, it's weird... I think things like: "Wow I'm seeing through my eyes... I'm inside a body looking at the world... I can't see myself... I'm constantly breathing to keep myself alive... How does this all work? My brain is controlling everything... WHY IS THIS ALL SUDDENLY WEIRD!?" I feel like I'm overly aware of everything and it freaks me out! It throws me into panic attacks occasionally.

I just wanna stop thinking about this weird stuff and just live life like I used to... I just keep analyzing and over-thinking everything until it drives me mad. It's exhausting and scary. I'm only 19 years old and I feel like I know too much and can't imagine living this way forever. I feel like I'm in the Matrix -- I wish I could just take the damn blue pill and go back to the way things were before I starting thinking too much!

I know that Eckhart says to just surrender and accept, but it's hard... it's like my mind is on autopilot, I WANT to just surrender and enjoy the Now, but my pain body says "Feed me! Keep analyzing until you panic!"

Someone help. I'm so tired of this anxiety taking over my life. Has ANYONE ever experienced this? I just don't want to be alone... I feel like I'm crazy!


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Re: I'm alive... and scared!

Post by eputkonen » Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:55 pm

Anyone who believes they are a something within this body will feel scared. Anyone who identifies with the mind/body (think that is who/what they are) will suffer. You are just now more aware that a little "me" in the great big world inside a fragile body is very insecure and scary.

Furthermore, there is no way to go back to the way things were. We can never go backward...we can only go forward. We can only go onto something better.

I would suggest staying with those thoughts you get and delving into them...are they really true?
Are you really inside a body looking at the world or is the world and the body inside you?
Are you constantly breathing to keep yourself alive or is the body constantly breathing keeping the body alive? 'Myself' is something else?
Your brain is controlling everything or are you controlling everything through the brain? (like a remote transmitter and receiver)
Last edited by eputkonen on Fri Apr 10, 2009 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

~ Eric Putkonen

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Re: I'm alive... and scared!

Post by sikor » Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:01 pm

when you really feel it, you can shake off all anxieties, fears, emotions out like dog shakes off the water. the ocasionally may occu. i think your problem can be ego that belives it's enlightened. it's possible that you have grasped true enlightenment and lost it some time after, but you want it so much that you fool yourself that you have it. it's just the ego that thinks it's enlightened. (i have this problem all the time).

the other thing: your body should feel like it's not yours. like you're not controlling it directly. if you think about breathing etc it's not it.

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