A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

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A Name is a Label
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A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

Post by A Name is a Label » Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:53 pm

I find that I have high standards set for myself, but I don't fulfill them. And then I hold everyone else to the standards that I myself won't even live up to.

I play/write music. Very rarely will I write something that I feel is good enough and that I am pleased with. However, the moment someone else doubts it or says they don't like something about it, my sense of accomplishment and excitement is immediately depleted.

Whats going on here?

karmarider
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Re: A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

Post by karmarider » Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:01 am

You've already explained quite well what's going on, and it's good that you've noticed it. Keep noticing it, in presence, in awareness, and it will diminish.

If you're trying to release specific emotions like anger or frustration, look at the Sedona method, or my website.

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RCharles
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Re: A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

Post by RCharles » Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:32 am

Dear Name,

I am familiar with your experience, having done a lot of this throughout my life. When you get praise, you're up. When you get criticism, you're down. It's an emotional roller coaster ride in which how you feel about yourself depends entirely on the opinions of others. For myself, I can say it was all ego. When I started practicing presence and deliberately let go of the ego, the roller coaster stopped. At first I still had some twinges of reaction, but eventually it just all stopped. Once it stops, you have the same reaction to both praise and criticism--gratitude for the information but not much attachment to either one. Either way, it's OK, and life is good. :)

You must be aware of presence because you are here. Just remain present and watch how it helps you. If I may suggest, also deliberately let go of the ego when it arises. Don't seek praise, don't defend against criticism, don't dwell on thoughts about either one, but let the ego go. As you do, you will feel a certain relief at not having to feel those feelings anymore, not having to feed or protect the ego, or at least, I did. And eventually even the relief fades, and you just have peace.

Eckhart's story about the Zen master is a wonderful illustration of this. Have you read or heard it? Summarizing, a family accused a Zen master of seducing their daughter, to which he only said, "Is that so?" Then they gave him her baby to take care of, accusing him of being the father, to which he said, "Is that so?" He lovingly cared for the baby, and sometime later when they came to get the baby back, saying the girl had confessed and the master wasn't the father, he said only, "Is that so?"

He had no ego to defend, no worries about reputation, no anger or indignation, and he did nothing to cause any further harm in the situation. He just loved the baby and received both accusation and apology with equanimity. I just love that story and hope it helps you as much as it did me.

RCharles
"They are all...perfect..." --Ken Watanabe, dying scene in the movie The Last Samurai

sikor
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Re: A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

Post by sikor » Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:01 am

thing that tells you what your standards are is the ego. thing that reminds you that You are not the way you "should" be is ego.

kokujindayo
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Re: A lot of what I do isn't good enough for me...

Post by kokujindayo » Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:48 am

i have/had a similarly behaving ego. reading it wont' do much, but sooner or later you'll realize doing anything to please "yourself" (and i mean, your judgemental ego that we all have), is just silly and is so transparent and meaningless.

It's just music. It's just writing.

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