the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

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msrk
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the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by msrk » Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:57 pm

Having spent the best of seven years struggling through a spiritual awakening, I am now confronted with unfamiliar territory.

I have indeed read the power of now, and many other books, but my spiritual journey hasn't been limited to ideas such as presence, acceptance and surrender, although these are powerful concepts. I've been on an intensely difficult path these past few years, and suffered much. Its been a journey of constant evolution, and I've really been forced to, essentially, grow or die. And when I say spiritual journey, I really mean that since my "awakening", my life really has felt like a journey... as if I were going somewhere.

I have gained much through my struggles. I have learned the hard way how to live in the moment, how to have peace in my heart and mind, and how to see the evidence of the spirit even in daily life. And yet, these past months, I am stuck in a way I have not encountered before. I thought i was on a path to victory, and that ultimately I would overcome some things in order to begin to improve upon other things. Rather it seems i'm on a path of total annihilation.

I feel now as if the universe is conspiring against me. I am no stranger to obstacles, but the obstacles i have faced lately are, without a miracle, insurmountable. Now, I absolutely know that the game is rigged. And a game it is. And I realize that a life of struggle and suffering is the impetus for growth. But I have been pushed so far that, I am quite concerned that i cannot make it through this time. I need these trials to stop, and I need a respite from the constant suffering. I realize the value of growth, but one being can only take so much. Ive already been completely broken, and now i feel as if things are going so far that i will never recover.

I understand if what i've said is a bit confusing, but in the chance that you do understand, I would appreciate any enlightened help you could offer me in this very dark time...

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Webwanderer
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Re: the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Dec 03, 2009 10:57 pm

Msrk, welcome to the forum. May you find some useful pointers here.

Your post reflects the likelyhood that you are still resistant to life as it is. It is quite freeing to accept that the life we live may be one of consistant trial and difficulty. Don't expect that to change. It may, but it's just as likely that our expectations, desires and demands may never be fulfilled. The key to peace is to live from a perspective not linked to the conditions at hand. Conditions are temporary and forever changing - albeit at a pace we have little or no control over. Peace is found in the recongition of the ever-present, non-effected, spacious being that you are. As awareness, rest in the clarity of knowing that all conditions, events and experiences, are just temporary content like clouds passing through an unchanging sky.

I'm not suggesting that you fight or deny the turmoil. I am suggesting you see it for what it is, and know that however it comes out you will remain the eternally conscious being, the intellegent spacious awareness, that you have always been. Things do not have to change to your liking. To say you "need" them too only sets the stage for more suffering. Rest in the clarity of thought-free being. Regain experiential familiarity with your true nature. Allow your feelings the freedom to be also, naturally, without the conditioned mind imposing a justifying stucture to fit some imagined need - you know, a story that constantly tweaks the details to make it more comfortable for the ego.

Find some alone time on a daily basis, even a few minutes here and there to rest in thought-free clarity, your natural state of being. In peace of clarity, direction is much more likely to be seen than in turmoil and fear. Make it a priority.

WW

msrk
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Re: the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by msrk » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:43 am

Thanks for the response webwanderer,

You are right to say that peace can be found even in suffering, and to differentiate between contentment and happiness. In fact, you make good points throughout.

Sorry, I must not have been very clear in my first post.

Yes, peace is a great thing. If I hadn't already learned to cultivate peace and live in the present moment, I would be either insane or dead.

Thanks for trying to help

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Re: the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by thenow » Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:05 pm

Hi, msrk:

Sounds like you are going through a very difficult time, to the point where it is affecting even your sense of survival, life and death.

On spiritual journey where we are confronted with the ultimate trial of survival, this really takes every bit of us to go forward. We are faced with the truth of life and death. The uncertainty can be scary. Every new day can be challenging. We have a body that we need to feed and nurture. What if there just is no means at this point to support it?

Yes, we need to stay present. But if we are very present at this moment, we will hear the call from inside that it's time to find help. We want to be independent and strong. But being independent and strong also means to be strong enough to ask for help.

Stay with family or friend and contribute in any way you can. Find out if there is an organization you can go to for help?

This is your body calling for help. Put all your focus in finding help.

From this humble process, you will grow and carry on even further on your spiritaul path.

Please be well and know we are here for you. Let us know how you do. :)

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Re: the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by Sighclone » Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:06 am

Rather it seems i'm on a path of total annihilation.

I feel now as if the universe is conspiring against me. I am no stranger to obstacles, but the obstacles i have faced lately are, without a miracle, insurmountable. Now, I absolutely know that the game is rigged. And a game it is. And I realize that a life of struggle and suffering is the impetus for growth. But I have been pushed so far that, I am quite concerned that i cannot make it through this time. I need these trials to stop, and I need a respite from the constant suffering. I realize the value of growth, but one being can only take so much. Ive already been completely broken, and now i feel as if things are going so far that i will never recover.
Without more detail, it's hard to offer anything but the most general comments.

But, at the risk of being offensive, msrk, I'm going to try to be effective. What you will read below has the intention to serve you, despite its tone.

I'm hearing this: "Well, world, with all the grief I have, despite my deep and vigorous spiritual struggle, I'm not going to make it. Yes, all you kind and well-meaning prople out there, thank you all very, very much, but you see, My Problem is just, frankly, too much for both me and you. In truth, somewhat secretly, I love My Problem. Who would I be without My Problem? I'm going to post this long-suffering message on a nonduality forum and then reinforce My Problem by gently and articulately dismissing all forms of help offered. My problem's label "I'm unsolvable" will get a fresh paint job. The truth is, I don't want to solve My Problem, I want to have it...to be it. It defines me. It is my final Story."

Of course, after all your reading and meditating, you know who is speaking...

In reality, You are no stories at all, you are the tabula rasa on which they are written, or not. But you know that intellectually...I get the sense that you are playing some old roles that have been constantly repeatedly running into conflict with the universe. You are simply not acknowledging the message. When will you choose to really start listening?

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

I AM
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Re: the Spiritual Journey: Suffering, Trials and Victory

Post by I AM » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:46 am

Hi msrk,

In my opinion, I think the messages of Webwanderer and Sighclone are helpful to you. I used to have that kind of thinking for many years (struggling to survive). Recently, I know that life is not a struggle at all. I just know this deeply, not by using my mind. It is something within me that knows this. Each one of us knows wisdom already. We just keep forgetting. In my case here, I know everything so well what Eckhart has been talking about, but the old patterns of my thinking are still running. Fortunately, I know and I see that same old thinking running in my head. There is some thinking process in almost every human being that creates unhappiness. I am now looking into that and facing it fully. The most important thing is seeing it and observing it.

In our world, there is something inexplicable, something sacred. I know this by my own experience. It did happen in my experience many times already. Some people call it coincidences or synchronicity. Life is not just thoughts and thinking in our head.

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