Being in the now and selfishness?

[fireofheaven01]

I was just wondering if being present and living in the now coincides with selfishness. My husband took being in the now to a point in which if it makes him happy now he does despite the outcome his actions my have on him, myself, or our children. I feel like he has went from be a little selfish to extremely selfish. I feel as if he has taken ET teaching and modified them to benefit him. He tells me I just don't understand ET teachings. I am so confused.

[Settled Dust]

Maybe your husband thinks being in the present means doing whatever he wants to do, right now instead of waiting. Following the whim of his desires without thought or consideration to try to get as much temporary pleasure as possible. Such a foolish interpretation would indeed lead one down a path of selfishness.

Being in the present moment means to be aware of what is going on, and to let go of clinging and "go with the flow".
It doesn't mean running towards pleasure to feel good RIGHT NOW, it doesn't mean running away from pain to feel good RIGHT NOW.
It means transcending the whole pleasure-pain ordeal and developing a sense of peace regardless of external circumstances.

[Ananda]

Being in the present moment means to be aware of what is going on, and to let go of clinging and "go with the flow".

Does it really? Since the contents of one's experience is constantly changing and all coming to impermanence, how can one be truly present by being aware of the ever changing experience? No, the background of the experience, which is the Self, is the only constant, the only one that can be called present. Presence is Self awareness.

I was just wondering if being present and living in the now coincides with selfishness

Individual identity, which is bound by bodily affairs, has investment in actions and their results. It is bound by time and anticipation or fear of consequences, it is never really present.

Self awareness transcends duality, otherness in both multiplicity of selves and multiplicity of form. In Self awareness there is nothing other than the Self, no other thing, no object, no other self. Can there be individual selfishness when the Self is everything?

For a liberated sage who has realised that all beings are the Self, there is neither delusion nor grief, as there is no second for him.

- Bhagavd Gita.

[Sighclone]

Interesting point, fire. And welcome. And thanks, Ananda for your constant wisdom, and wonderful antique quotes form the original masters!!

Two different takes: 1) If your husband is using "personal stillness" as a method of ignoring his responsibilities in form (you, the kids, work, cleaning up, etc.) then his ego has found a new tool to create separation and distance. Heck, he might just as well have used prayer, house painting, bowling, reading...anything. Ultimately it is just selfish and rude.

2) Because your husband is so ego-bound and unconscious, a little experience of unity consciousness might be bringing him an authentically intense and wonderful experience of Self. He feels so benefitted by it because he is so far from it in his normal life that he can't help himself. Like water to a thirsty person.

If the second part is true, and not the first, after about a month, he will begin to be more sensitive to you as he stabilizes in the love inherent in all experiences of Source.

Andy

[Chariot]

I've been exploring awakening for quite some time, and there's one thing I've learned regarding selfishness. Usually when we point out the selfishness of others, it's because we ourselves are also selfish, and we want someone else to behave differently so that we can selfishly feel better.

Every organism on the planet is selfishly oriented to want what is in its best interest, and it's not wrong or right, it's simply the nature of things. One aspect of being present is accepting conditions and situations as they are without asking them to be different. Remember Eckhart Tolle's 3 gateways into the now/presence: The Gateway of the Inner Body; The gateway of Silence; and The Gateway of Accepting This Moment.

[spikyface]

I went through something similar in the beginning

Initially, that can be the most logical thing to do, since you no longer worry about the consequences, why not just do whatever makes you happy?

After a while this wears thin, since the ups eventually lead to downs and the downs are the times when presence provides some solace

Pick a quiet moment, when he's in a good mood and try to understand why he feels the need to act this way, without judgement or anger

He's acting out of unconsciousness, it's better to remain present and just listen, rather than chastising and reminding him of what he should be doing

Ultimately, remain present yourself in spite of everything else, this will make more of a difference than anything you could do or say