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Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:17 pm
by peaceofnomind
People stick things out.
They get things done from beginning to end. Careers, studying, reading a book, workshops, 2 week courses in something.

I quit. I quit everything. I start then I stop.

They find contentment in learning a new skill to apply in their career which will benefit them in the long run for their families financial lives.
I stop, I lose interest, motivation and it doesn't appeal to me like it does to them enough to continue.

I don't remember my childhood. I do remember some things like my father never playing with me-not once, and neither my mom.
I remember playing with a magnolia tree and a plastic doll I floated in the pool but that's it.
My partner says I give up because of my childhood and how I grew up. But no one ever quit in my family because they never started anything.

Honestly, I am aware that I am not my mind and not my childhood. I am aware of the suffering identification with my mind can cause me, so I notice my thoughts and I notice my pain body and I watch it subside there and sometimes things dissolve.
But what about the rest of the world who indulges in learning, creating, acheiving, growing financially in this world because it is important in a worldy sense.
Why do I find unhappiness and uncontentment?

When my partner asks me what makes me content all I have to answer that with is "connecting with people thru love".
Am I just not fit for life? Is what brings me contentment an amateur and undevelopment mindset?

I do feel sadness. I see it but I feel like two people, one inside and another walking around on the outside.
And I feel like this entry is all over the place and doesn't make sense!

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:39 am
by snowheight
Re-read what ET has to say about the importance of self-compassion.

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:19 am
by kiki
But what about the rest of the world who indulges in learning, creating, acheiving, growing financially in this world because it is important in a worldy sense.
Why do I find unhappiness and uncontentment?
You find unhappiness and discontentment because you have the idea that happiness and contentment are only found in financial growth, learning, creating, and achieving. Your quitting on things sabotages your ability to gain what you seek and then compare yourself to the rest of the world who doesn't quit. Can you see what you are doing here?

When my partner asks me what makes me content all I have to answer that with is "connecting with people thru love".
So examine what that means, "connecting with people thru love." What is the nature of that love? What is it that connects? How do you "connect"? How do you know you've connected? In the midst of that connection what happens to you? In what ways do you connect, under what circumstances? Can you connect to anything else besides people? Use these questions to inquire into your very nature; not the you you imagine yourself to be, but the You that you actually are.
Am I just not fit for life?
What is "life"? Who is it that thinks they may not be "fit" for it? Use these questions to distinguish between what is real (life) and what isn't (the imaginary me who questions its fitness).
Is what brings me contentment an amateur and undevelopment mindset?
This question is unclear to me - do you mean an immature and undeveloped mindset? For now I'll just say this: contentment naturally flows out of one's true nature, consciousness. Consciousness can never be anything other than content, whole, and fulfilled. That consciousness is ever present, so contentment is always available. Also, every mindset is a kind of conditioning that must be seen through in order for reality to be seen; even a "positive" mindset can blind you to what is real. Having a "mindset" about something implies that there is a mental relationship between a "me" and everything else. Where is this "me"? Is it real? Can you pin it down? Is it always present and stable? What is always present and stable? Find that, and then see if "life" is separate from that.

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 3:02 pm
by Kutso
Is "who" not fit for "what" world?

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:10 pm
by peaceofnomind
Thank you to everyone you took there time with my concern. :)
Below I have replied to kiki and still asking for your opinions and thoughts:

Previously, I said:
But what about the rest of the world who indulges in learning, creating, acheiving, growing financially in this world because it is important in a worldy sense. Why do I find unhappiness and uncontentment?

You replied:
You find unhappiness and discontentment because you have the idea that happiness and contentment are only found in financial growth, learning, creating, and achieving. Your quitting on things sabotages your ability to gain what you seek and then compare yourself to the rest of the world who doesn't quit. Can you see what you are doing here?
My reply:
Hmm. What I mean from my question: "Why do I find unhappiness and uncontentment?"
What I ment is I find unhappiness with focusing on financial growth, learning, acheiving, etc.
I do not find contentment in money, in my talents or worldy things like some people may. Which in turn causes them to be able to live happy (surface happy) and I feel I don't have surface happiness (not that I want it but read on) and moreso looking for true joy.
I know this is good, but how do I live in this world if I can't find surface "happiness"/lack of suffering in the material world?
I may be going in circles, I'm just not certain...?


Continued....

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:17 pm
by peaceofnomind
Continued...

Previously, I said:
When my partner asks me what makes me content all I have to answer that with is "connecting with people thru love".

You replied:
So examine what that means, "connecting with people thru love." What is the nature of that love? What is it that connects? How do you "connect"? How do you know you've connected? In the midst of that connection what happens to you? In what ways do you connect, under what circumstances? Can you connect to anything else besides people? Use these questions to inquire into your very nature; not the you you imagine yourself to be, but the You that you actually are.
My reply:
This is as honest as I can be with your questions:
The nature of that love is a state of now and a sense of peaceful joy.
I feel what connects is the essence of oneness.
I connect by offering words, art, sounds, looks of compassion, acceptance, allowing. In circumstances of people's struggles I connect the best.
I can connect with other things besides people: animals, working on my art and just being still without thought in nature and in city.

That is where I am at. Like I said, I may be running in circles but I'm not certain and everyone's insight will help as guidance (and maybe even help with sticking with a career!!).

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:52 pm
by Sighclone
maybe even help with sticking with a career
Or not. Careers are nice and right for some people. What if you are simply a frequency holder? A person who has a simple job to do. Not a career. Just a job. And maybe a different job later.

Andy

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:57 pm
by rememberrule6
This was a big issue for me. Your problem stems from the "belief" that you "should" want surface happiness, that you "should" find it comforting. It is a belief instilled in you almost from birth. It's what everyone thinks, that they can add happiness to their lives. Most never realize it until well into middle age. It's the essence of a mid life crisis. I too tried it for about 2 years. Drinking, drugs, sex, status, and seeking new adventures became a part of my life at that time. However, I always noticed that tomorrow always showed up, and so too did the emptiness I felt. What I was really searching for was a way to escape from tomorrow, because I knew tomorrow was lonely. It wasn't always the very next day either. Sometimes my "surface" happiness would last for as long as a few months. But nevertheless tomorrow always came. Through Tolle's books I've found that through surrendering and accepting that what drives the world doesn't drive me, I'm able to fully be myself. I now know what most never do, happiness comes from within, it flows into what I do. Try accepting fully your inability to find happiness, it's a good thing! I suspect that you have a higher calling that you simply haven't found yet, and this is why nothing seems to work for you. Find the joy within you and then seek out ways to deepen it. After all, that's why we are all here anyway!

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:40 am
by Sighclone
Great heartfelt comment, full of wisdom and experience, rr6, thanks!

Andy

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 2:02 pm
by Mouse
Two things to do Peace of no mind

1 You will get Peace and Love when you desist from acknowledging the negative of not having completed anything. How about the dishes? Did you get those done, and all the surfaces wiped down? Start with the small stuff and acknowledge it to yourself when you get something completed. Acknowledge when your partner or kids get something done and help them by acknowledging something small as a completion. This will break your self's pattern.

2 Acknowledge the good in your life, and know that what you acknowledge you get. Don't acknowledge the problem don't ever say again "I never finish anything". Find something that you have finished and say "I have finished that, I have completed that."

Re: Am I not fit for this world??

Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:49 pm
by Sighclone
Both Jac O'Keeffe and Adyshanti are very clear on a required minimal "structural stability of the ego" (Adya's interview with Bonnie Greenwell, 2002, ID #64 in Dharma Cafe, about 1:45:00) before spiritual awakening can take place. I like Jac's take on it: In terms of your self-image, (yes, later to be discarded) it needs to have baseline convictions that "I am lovable" and "I am capable." Good parents (or guardians) provide that early one, so can exceptional school systems.

But these fundamental beliefs can also be acquired later in life, usually through therapy and practice (thanks, Mouse for the 'start small' message.)

The awakening event or process is very foundational, and it helps to have some security in the "fallback" comfort zone of the ego, even as it finally is seen completely for what it is, a "false self."

After that sense of fundamental "worthiness of character" is established, then spiritual development can occur...absent that, awakening is either unlikely or requires a gigantic blow-out like Eckhart had...which required many years to integrate, a luxury he apparently had, on the park bench, and elsewhere...

All that said, Adya also goes on about feelings of inadequacy, and why those are OK. Compared to Self, or Spirit, our "little me" egoic persona-self is inadequate. That can actually be comforting for those in whom awakening is beginning to occur. All images, particularly self-images are inadequate to describe our authentic pure nature.

Andy