Young adult,

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
SirNikalot
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Young adult,

Post by SirNikalot » Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:08 am

I've heard it said by a few people on this board that awakening can be especially difficult for those that are below their 30's. I'm in my 21's and okay, the ego is really strong in me. I've been trying to work against it for quite sometime, by watching and reading from various non-dual authors rigorously for almost 2 years now. I want to jump above what most 21 yr olds have done and I want to set aside my ego, but it appears I'm really identified with ego, and this isn't like the stuff I've excelled at in the passed after hard, rigorous work/training I've been able to excel in. There are other things that I want, like to go out and party with friends and have fun, to meet new people, to get a girlfriend, dealing with my parents, trying to not feel so isolated, all of which is apparently ego related.

I feel awfully isolated at the way I've been going about this, I have no friends that would have any interest in this stuff, and I feel like I'm in it all by myself. I would love to have a very strong sense of presence and unity, but I have other issues I feel like I need to deal with first, in order to become a capable human being.

So I've come to the conclusion, that right now, awakening maybe isn't for me. But maybe I can create a good ground for the process to take place when the time is right. What can I do to do that? Are there any good books that cover this topic? Some people on these boards may know a little of my plight, of how I have been diagnosed with social anxiety & depression, what might your suggestions be? I ordered John Welwood's towards a psychology of awakening, hopefully that will help me out some, I found the articles on his website to be pretty dead on and helpful.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Ananda » Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:47 am

Hello SirNikalot

I'm the same age as you are, and have overcome any difficulties which I may have previously have had. I also have a different perspective on the development of ego sense in younger people. It's a blessing for you to have come to 'this' at a young age, because the ego sense is not fully solidified, it is malleable, at this age. Feel free to private message me and I'll send you my email adress if you want to talk further about all this with someone in a similar position and age as you.

:)

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Kutso » Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:26 am

SirNikalot wrote:text
As Ananda said, you have come a long way already. There is no need to work against the ego. You only have to observe it's actions and such. And that, it seems like you have begun to do.

I would suggest that you read something of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj or Ramana Maharshi. They are really clear in their messages. And if you wonder over something, feel free to ask.
Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that. Not that.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by SirNikalot » Thu Jul 08, 2010 3:38 am

Thanks for the kind words from the two of you. Kutso, I think you are right in that I have been observing the actions of my ego and such, one of its actions is impatience, and even that it seems is to be observed.

I've heard much about those two authors. I heard Nisargadatta's talks are available for listening, I think I'll check that out instead of "I Am That" which I have heard mixed things about.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Jul 08, 2010 4:51 am

SirNikalot, may I recommend Tim Freke. Here's a link to a YouTube discussion he gave in Bath.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOWeRMufp5s

He's quite a dynamic character and calls himself a "stand-up philosopher". He bridges the gap exceedingly well between awakened presence and engagement with the stuff of life. Give him a listen, and maybe try out his book How Long is Now?

WW

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Re: Young adult,

Post by mikanike23 » Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:53 am

I am ;;;;;;;;
Last edited by mikanike23 on Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Ananda » Sat Jul 10, 2010 1:07 am

Thanks Ananda for your support and I have already contacted you on some stuff and will probably be continuing to do so in the near future.
I'm happy to help :D

If there's any questions you have or problems with some of the terminology in some of those texts just let me know!

I'll let you know if I bump into some other good stuff you might find helpful too :)

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Re: Young adult,

Post by SirNikalot » Sat Jul 10, 2010 4:44 am

Webwanderer wrote:SirNikalot, may I recommend Tim Freke. Here's a link to a YouTube discussion he gave in Bath.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOWeRMufp5s

He's quite a dynamic character and calls himself a "stand-up philosopher". He bridges the gap exceedingly well between awakened presence and engagement with the stuff of life. Give him a listen, and maybe try out his book How Long is Now?

WW
Thanks for the link, the guy definitely seems a lot more hip than many of the other teachers I've seen so far, if there was anyone that talks about non-duality that I would recommend to one of my friends, it would be this guy. I've contemplated it and I will most likely read his book right after I'm done reading Welwood's book.
I am also 21 and am in the same boat as you on this Sir Nik Alot.
Glad to hear it!

If you haven't already looked into him, I'd recommend Adyashanti, he's straightforward, and very easy to understand, many of the members here seem to agree.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Sighclone » Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:15 pm

SirNik -

You have posted many heartfelt comments here, and what I'm hearing in this thread is that you believe your ego is bad and you want to hate it and dismess it to oblivion. But do remember what Eckhart said, that it is very normal for the ego to be strong in youth. The extension of that is that it is abnormal to try to resist it.

You have made great conceptual progress. Trying to "fight your ego" by not following your interest in women and fun things "because they are false" is not a requirement. Just because the ballroom is made of the stuff of dreams is no reason to not dance the night away. You already understand much.

Have you ever enjoyed a movie? Even a movie in which all the characters were fictional? Even though you knew they were not real, you could still enjoy the story...completely, even to the point of tears, perhaps. Same with your life. Even though there is illusion from the perspective of Brahman/Self, form has its place. Attraction to the opposite sex is normal, and there are certainly young women who are interested in spiritual things.

Here's another suggestion: drop the whole "nonduality / spirituality / awakening" concern for a while. Just lead your life and don't "second guess from pure awareness" every impulse. The universe will take care of itself, and send you occasional reminders that you are very OK, at whatever "level" you are operating from. Even as an "ego" you are a fine person.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Young adult,

Post by SirNikalot » Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:35 pm

Thank you Andy, so, even though its a dream, it doesn't have to be denied. The nightmares are the one's that scare me though, but I guess I've avoided the nightmares until the point where I've avoided the dream altogether.
The universe will take care of itself, and send you occasional reminders that you are very OK
Heh, that's something to keep in my wallet when things seem hopeless, because its the truth, everything passes with time. Nothing is permanent. I can allow myself to feel sad or happy, but that's just the peaks and valleys of this body living this life, and that's certainly not a bad thing, but there is something unchanging and solid beneath those peaks and valleys, and I do have occasional glimpses of it.

I've been a hermit these passed 2 years or so, and I think I'm going to start going out gradually, to experience this dream a little more, but still enjoying my time alone. I'm also going to read Welwood's book, and then probably Freke's, only because I haven't read anything other than by Adyashanti "End of your world" and Eckhart "ANE".

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Sighclone » Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:48 am

An Orange County hermit! Good for you! As you rejoin society, may I make a recommendation...start by finding some way to volunteer. True service. If your theme in life becomes to serve, many blessings will follow.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Pete88 » Sun May 22, 2011 11:42 am

Hi!

Just wanted to bump this one up. I'm 22 myself and I'm struggling with the same thing right now. On the one hand, Tolle's ideas have been an absolute eyeopener and I'm very happy to have been introduced to his works. On the other hand, I'm a 22 year old kid who likes fooling around with girls. The thing that seems wrong is letting my ego flourish, just to get the female attention I enjoy getting. Suddenly I'm very aware of my appearance, my clothing, etc. It feels like I start acting again, simply because I know that the way I act attracts the most female attention. It's like I turn my back on everything I've learnt from Tolle. But isn't human physical attraction something natural? This confuses me, since I'm being led by the physical world, which is food for the ego. It feels like the whole boy-girl game isn't at all combinable with releasing of the ego, since the world and ESPECIALLY male/female interaction is (at least in the beginning) a very physical/earthly matter.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by xkatex » Sun May 22, 2011 4:45 pm

Pete,

Of course the attraction is natural! I don't see anything wrong with enjoying your time with girls, as long as you are clear with them if you don't want a further relationship with them afterwards; else that would be your ego manipulating a girl for sex or whatever if she thought it was going to go further and you didn't correct her, and would cause suffering.

By the sounds of it, your behaviour isn't causing suffering, so enjoy the natural expression of love, in all its manifestations!! It's so beautiful :) Just watch the ego as it starts to get overly concerned with appearance, or notice role playing perhaps, if that starts to come up? That used to be a big thing for me before I got into Eckhart. Presence is compatible with the 'girl-boy game', I have a boyfriend who doesn't care about spirituality and we started going out when I had just read the PON, you don't need ego to be attractive! Lol

I'm a young adult too, and looking at all the posts it doesn't seem like you're alone SirNikalot! :) I keep realising how lucky I am to have discovered this at a young age, and you are too :) good luck on your journey

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Re: Young adult,

Post by Pete88 » Sun May 22, 2011 5:19 pm

Thank you for your reply! I think you're right; As long as you keep in mind that the whole boy-girl game (or girl-boy game as you rightfully call it haha) is part of a bigger whole, being the journey towards full consciousness, I guess there really isn't anything wrong with it. And no, I DEFINITELY don't use manipulative ways to get what I want, it's all about mutual fun. The thing that makes it pretty confusing is that in an "unaware" society, you need to stick to some of the "rules" to enjoy certain fruits of life. I mean, I can try and convince girls I meet that brand names and fancy clothing is stuff that keeps the ego intact, but fact is that most girls prefer guys who are dressed cool/fashionably. By wearing plain/basic clothes, just to make a statement, I'd just be shooting myself in the foot. I guess you need to adapt to a certain extent.

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Re: Young adult,

Post by xkatex » Sun May 22, 2011 6:11 pm

Hmm, as a girl I can't say I've ever cared about brand names and things in a guy, I don't think my girlfriends do either if that helps! Just wear what you feel comfortable in :) I'm in England though, I don't know what it's like in the USA, if there's more of an emphasis on brand names, but if your enjoyment of attention becomes into an egoic thing that you want more of and you change behaviour to get it, make sure you keep it in check :p

A girl will be able to sense the energy of peace from you, and I'm sure your openness and ability to listen will be really attractive with presence. When I listen to my friends I realise that all they want is someone loving :)

Blessings

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