Young adult,

This is the place to post whatever questions you have related to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. The rest of us will do whatever we can to help you achieve a better understanding :)
Pete88
Posts: 164
Joined: Sun May 22, 2011 9:53 am

Re: Young adult,

Post by Pete88 » Sun May 22, 2011 6:32 pm

I think you're right about the openness. I feel I'm dependent on outer/material stuff, since I'm not yet open en carefree enough to offer a girl a real loving connection.

xkatex
Posts: 83
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:29 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by xkatex » Sun May 22, 2011 6:41 pm

Jeez, a girl would be lucky to be with a guy who's even considering those things! So i'm sorry to hear you don't feel open enough to offer a sense of connection yet. I saw you mentioned you use the inner body as a portal in one of your posts, stick with that, particularly when listening, kissing, and you know :p even if the girl doesn't know it intellectually, she will probably feel that something deeper is coming through.

Take things one moment at a time, feel the aliveness now. I'm confident that your relationships will flower beautifully, and not just the romantic ones :)

Pete88
Posts: 164
Joined: Sun May 22, 2011 9:53 am

Re: Young adult,

Post by Pete88 » Sun May 22, 2011 6:50 pm

Wow thank you for your encouraging words, it's really appreciated! And yes, as I'm sure you've experienced yourself, it's all work in process. No sense in rushing it. :)

Mariposa
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:48 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by Mariposa » Mon May 23, 2011 5:53 am

Hi Guys!

I'm so glad to be reading this! I'm also in the same boat as you!

I'm 24, my life situation right now is mainly based on my relationship with my boyfriend. We met online, so in a very playful, innocent, yet very deep way, I got myself into a big challenge! I moved to another country far far away from home, and we are not even working.

I'm a little confused as to who wrote what on this thread, but I'd like to say that I don't care about brand names either, nor clothes, not even money or whether a guy has a car or not. I think you are doing really well, and obviously the awakening process is for you too SirNikalot! As other posters said, you can enjoy form, and keep the presence, honoring the here and now. As Eckhart mentioned in TPN, the love/hate game between men and women is a great place to practice this teaching. I remember reading in his book, wherever you are, single or in a relationship, start from there. Deep relationships can be the space for us to accept what is and surrender. I guess so can casual relationships. But I am also confused about the ego, since I believe I should be building my role in my life, and time is passing by, and I'm not. Or maybe I can just focus on my function, but let my "identity" keep floating around, so it is easier to go through and beyond....

I know it seems hard to find people within our age group that cares about Eckhart's teachings, my boyfriend himself doesn't seem to resonate with it, but at times he seems to be actually showing some changes in awareness, and I really hope it does him good. He used to be annoyed when I heard a recording of Eckhart, he told me to wear headsets or something. But since I started watching the webcasts with Oprah, I've always played the videos in the same room as he was, and he hasn't complained at all.

Well, maybe I should start my own thread about it, but I got myself into a big mess, that changed my life situation big time.
The reason I came to the forum is to ask about the pain-body. Today I was watching class number 6 of the Oprah and Eckhart seminar, and incredibly, a couple hours later, my boyfriend's pain-body manifested itself strongly. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I asked him some questions, maybe I should have just listened, but I did practice a little of the awareness to give his pain-body the space to express itself.

Well, this can relate to the thread topic in the sense that a LOT of his pain body seems to keep him from embracing adulthood. I noticed how most of his demands seem to come from a place of lack in his childhood. He says nobody cares about him, he demands money from every person around him, so that he won't have to kill himself. When I hear this kind of thinking, I can see it HAS to be the pain body, because there really is no reason or sense in his demands from the world. And I can also sense that his pain body is not only individual, but also collective, when I hear him talk about people dying of poverty, and all the rich people not caring to help them.

I'm really sorry if this got too long!

I would like to know how can I help him, besides accepting his pain-body, recognizing it is there, not judging, not calling him lazy. Is it good to give him love when he talks like this? I don't want to encourage any of these beliefs, I think they are wrong, but he really isn't there when these heavy negative thoughts are passing by. It is painful to him, and to me too, except right now I feel some sense of peace by steping back.

And my biggest question is weather I should stay around such a contagious pain body, should I just move on with my life and save myself? Or is there a possibility that my presence (the rare moments it is) will bring us closer to a moment where we will be able to embrace adulthood, get jobs and move on?

Thank you so much, if you want you can pm me so we don't take over some1 else's thread, although I already did, sorry!

love,

Maris

(plz pm me and share some light)
http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/Dow ... eb-Classes

the key master
Posts: 2078
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 4:23 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by the key master » Mon May 23, 2011 6:41 am

Hi mariposa.
But I am also confused about the ego, since I believe I should be building my role in my life, and time is passing by, and I'm not. Or maybe I can just focus on my function, but let my "identity" keep floating around, so it is easier to go through and beyond....
I like that bit about the identity floating around. Who needs an identity? :lol:
, my boyfriend's pain-body manifested itself strongly. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I asked him some questions, maybe I should have just listened, but I did practice a little of the awareness to give his pain-body the space to express itself.
Truly listening is an artform of nobody in particular. You seem to have sound intuition regarding your boyfriend's emotional issues. Asking questions is appropriate at times, to guide him to what's really bothering him. Odds are he doesn't "consciously know", so be empathetic to that. You see patterns that he doesn't understand.

You are that awake space that time could not pass by.

Its best to let some "venting" take place before assuming the role of trail guide. Also be on the lookout for projecting your own emotional issues onto him. Meaning, see if some of the things said about him could also be said about you.
And my biggest question is weather I should stay around such a contagious pain body, should I just move on with my life and save myself?
You can only heal those who want to be healed. Don't turn your boyfriend into a project. I don't think he'd like that much anyway. Examine to what extent fear is keeping you in the relationship, and holding you back in life. I would bust out the pen and paper and get your thoughts out there so you can have a look see at what's going on in your mind. You are the foremost expert on your own experience. Do what you want, not because you think its what he wants, what society wants, or what anyone else wants.

If my girlfriend was thinking breaking up with me because of my unconsciousness, I personally would want to know this. Based on that conscious projection I think you should talk to him about that.

Mariposa
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:48 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by Mariposa » Mon May 23, 2011 7:04 am

Hi Key Master, I'm was so excited to read a reply that soon! Thanks a lot for writing...

Well, about the project, my dad also told me something along those lines, he said: you are no Mother Teresa, so why do you want to stick around with him?

We are all unconscious to some extent, he has depression, he's on medication and wants to apply to get a disability sort of welfare. It's very sad, we fell in love, we understood each other well, I can relate to his depression, I've had my difficulties too, but I can see now, living with him here is not really giving me anything, and I'd like to go back to my life in my country, which doesn't necessarily mean the end of the relationship.

I loved "You are that awake space that time could not pass by." Sweet...

He already knows that this is not the kind of life I want, and sometimes he supports my moving back to my home country, but then he seems to feel it will defeat him, I am afraid he will kill himself, he has talked about suicide for a long time. And the way I feel, I am so involved in his life, I really care about him, and it's hard to make a decision that makes me feel almost guilty... which makes me feel even worse about the relationship, because if the reason to stay with him is so that he won't kill himself or go back to severe depression, then that's not the kind of bond between us I want to have. I even think, if I leave, and he does hit rock bottom, what if he cracks like Eckhart did? That may be wishful thinking... :?

Anyway, he knows I am wanting to go back and it's a matter of time until I just go ahead and do it. And yes I am scared. And just confused, I don't want to leave in bad terms, it's so hard to say I'm leaving anyway when he feels so bad! But I know if I stay he will still be depressed... I am starting to feel manipulated, I don't think he does it on purpose though...

thanks so much for reading me!

love,

Maris

the key master
Posts: 2078
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 4:23 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by the key master » Mon May 23, 2011 6:56 pm

Hi Mariposa.
We are all unconscious to some extent,
I'm insulted!! :cry:
He already knows that this is not the kind of life I want, and sometimes he supports my moving back to my home country, but then he seems to feel it will defeat him, I am afraid he will kill himself, he has talked about suicide for a long time. And the way I feel, I am so involved in his life, I really care about him, and it's hard to make a decision that makes me feel almost guilty... which makes me feel even worse about the relationship, because if the reason to stay with him is so that he won't kill himself or go back to severe depression, then that's not the kind of bond between us I want to have.
Every experience is a learning opportunity. You are responsible for you and no one else. You seem like a very empathetic person, and it probably seems tough knowing that "your actions" are going to cause emotional pain for someone that you love. His pain is your pain, and the mind might not like this. If you want to do the long distance thing for a while, give it a shot. But, not all relationships are meant to last. If your heart is telling you to move on, then you are doing yourself a disservice by not doing so.
Anyway, he knows I am wanting to go back and it's a matter of time until I just go ahead and do it. And yes I am scared. And just confused, I don't want to leave in bad terms, it's so hard to say I'm leaving anyway when he feels so bad! But I know if I stay he will still be depressed... I am starting to feel manipulated, I don't think he does it on purpose though...
I think having an open and honest communication with him about your feelings on the matter is a good idea. It seems you've done this to some extent. The terms of "you leaving" are doubtfully ever going to be "good". Take an honest look at that. He seems like he's very attached to you, which would cause him to unconsciously believe that he is losing part of himself by you leaving. I think his talk about suicide is a cry for attention, for someone to listen. Do your best to not be emotionally manipulated by this while maintaining a sense of compassion. As a separate individual, you are not the answer to anyone's problems. Based on past experience, you may feel "personally responsible" for him, but how could that awake space be that? See self judgment as it arises, and learn from your mistakes.

I wish you both the best of luck on your journey, in whatever you both decide.

With love always,
j

Mariposa
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:48 pm

Re: Young adult,

Post by Mariposa » Mon May 23, 2011 8:09 pm

J, thanks so much for your loving response! I guess it will hurt us both, but for now there's nothing better in sight than going back to my life situation at home. We have lived apart before, and he was stronger, he flew to me twice. We will see what happens, thanks a lot for your support J!

blessings,

Maris

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