Midnight, in all of your threads it looks like you've been forced fed the same message repeatedly telling you that your not "doing it properly" and "to just keep at it", but its like, at what cost? My dad used to have eggs fed to him everyday, and he never liked them. His step-father would just repeatedly feed him eggs hoping that he would someday like it. He never did. Never ate another egg again for maybe 30-40 years. It wasn't until recently that we fried up some eggs, served it to him on a plate, and to his surprise, he said it wasn't that bad at all. My point being, that the same message being repeatedly battered into your brain probably isn't going to make you start to appreciate it all of a sudden.
There are many different messages out there. The psycho-therapeutic approach being one of them. There's a guy named Robert Master's who I've found helpful. He uses a psycho-therapeutic approach, and his basic message pretty much is to just feel your pain. Don't try to overcome it by spiritual means, side-step it, or repress it. Just feel out the fear, terror, loneliness, or sadness. I'll admit, the first time I heard the guy I thought to myself "what a f*&$ing pussy. I don't want to hear about feelings and that kind of shit! This is totally gay!" But after a considerable amount of suffering and realizing that I was just suppressing my emotions I realized that I needed to take a different approach, and that I did. And so far, I can honestly say that I haven't felt as open, honest, resilient, and in touch with my humanity as I have for many many many years.
So here's a link to an interview with another fellow non-dualer, Scott Kiloby, interviewing the guy I was talking about, Robert Masters http://kiloby.com/uploads/RobertMasters20110.mp3
As for KeyMaster. I know I don't really openly post on here too much, but I can honestly say that when ever I see you involved in a thread, I always open it and read it to see what you have to say. And I agree with you KM, I feel that Enigma was kind of ganged up on and it was really unfortunate to see him go like that. Sure he was at times very unyielding and somewhat stubborn, but it was clear that some of the more prominent members didn't want to take responsibility for some of the feelings he elicited within them. So I guess they figured it was best to just get rid of him, even though I still don't agree with it.
I don't really come here expecting to become enlightened or awake(even that word has become cliche these days). I really just come here to communicate with people who are open-minded, (maybe)intelligent, non-judgmental, and willing to offer guidance. And that's something that I feel is hard to come by, which is why I value this forum so much.