My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Postby CyclistSam » Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:59 am

So here is my situation:

I am a cyclist and high school senior who has believed, for the last two years, that if I devote all my time to cycling and preparing myself for my "future" as a medical scientist or doctor then I will be happy and have forced myself to believe that this is what makes me happy now. I spend approximately four to six hours each day on my bicycle training and for the last six months most of this has been by myself. The rest of my time is pretty much spent studying/eating/ going to school. I have received straight As for for the last two years so it has certainly "payed off" in a seemingly illusory way as I will be going off to a very good school for college and have, as I have been told, a "very bright future ahead of me". I used to be very sociable, albeit never among the popular kids having moved around so much, so I am not anti-social, per say. Yet, my social situation has progressively worsened these last two years and I currently now have no real close friends at my school spending all spare time studying and thinking. I think about my future, about getting smarter, about how efficient I am doing this and that, about the foods that I am eating, wondering whether I am happy, and now having read "The Power Of Now" and "The New Earth" I think about the fact that I am thinking about all my problems which, all in itself, has unfortunately added a new layer to my ego. Quite A HeadAche. Today is the first day I have personally chosen not to ride my bicycle without the cause being an injury or sickness or some reason that is out of my hands as I have progressively reached a very low point and Eckhart Tolle's teachings have not, as of yet, been the key for enjoying my life.

My question is what are your thoughts on me spending all my time cycling and studying to impress who knows whom leading me into a lot of pain and suffering and a eating disorder?
I do appreciate any advice as a compulsive, insecure teenager.
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Re: My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Postby Dohjo » Thu Feb 16, 2012 10:56 pm

I am myself a high school senior, in Denmark though. And your question is quite interesting, because it seems many people feel like you, especially when it comes to studying a lot. It's clear to me that you have created an identity as a cyclist. I can even tell from your nickname in here. What is important is to find out, who's a cyclist. Who's the "I" who's cycling? Is it really just your ego cycling? Try asking yourself "who has these thoughts?"


Another way to stop it, is as you are doing, just stop the cycling. Put it on a hold for a while. What will happen? You probably won't die, your house probably won't get burned down and an meteor probably won't crash into the earth. If you do this, you probably will start to enjoy other aspects of life. Try to accept your compulsive thoughts about cycling and see if they disappear
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Re: My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Postby Blenderhead » Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:51 am

:D Danes are smart :wink:
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Re: My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Postby randomguy » Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:41 am

My question is what are your thoughts on me spending all my time cycling and studying to impress who knows whom leading me into a lot of pain and suffering and a eating disorder?

I think it's all fine and good if it is in line with your core intuitive sense of what feels true for you.

Also, I think it seems silly to act on behalf of unquestioned ideas of unexplored origin and clearly it seems you are questioning the ideas underlying your experiences. I also think that what commonly gets popularized as "success" is a product of unfounded ideas and disconnected imagination. One of the more important things I have come to discover for myself is that the intuitive sense within me, the feeling of yes or no in a very non-cognitive way, is the only real authority on what is true. How can any one idea be true about a subjective world?

You may like the teacher, Adyashanti, if you haven't yet discovered him. He talks about his younger days as a competitive cyclist as well.
Also, I think you would enjoy Anthony DeMello's "The Way to Love" (amazon link). A jesuit and psychologist and an entirely unique guy, who talks about waking up from a mindset full of ridiculous and poisonous notions, a topic that is to me for whatever reason often a source of thoroughly entertaining reading.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: My Life Situation as a high school Senior

Postby Stubbs » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:57 pm

My question is what are your thoughts on me spending all my time cycling and studying to impress who knows whom leading me into a lot of pain and suffering and a eating disorder?
I do appreciate any advice as a compulsive, insecure teenager.


There are two types of suffering:

The first is the productive suffering one feels when they are completely in alignment with their true karmic path in life and are truly passionately doing what they should be doing for their own evolution and the greater good. They are moving through hindering karma in order to eventually manifest their passion. This is challenging and painful, and so there is "right" suffering involved.

The second type of suffering is the pain one feels when they are moving off of their true path and are not actually focusing on the karma they should be burning off. Instead they are basing their actions simply on their insecurities and need for acceptance from others. Nature makes you suffer when you wander off your true karmic path. Based on what you have said about your situation, it seems like the suffering you feel as a result of always cycling an studying is the unfavorable kind from the second category.

I can relate to this because several years ago when I went to art school I based my entire existence around making it as a digital artist. Looking back, the reason I lived that lifestyle was coming from a place of fear and a feeling of inadequacy. I didn’t want to face my inner demons and shortcomings, I kept forcing myself to cover it all up with the art. I was a workaholic, and I had no social life and all of my internal pain and insecurities became more and more concentrated within me. I was extremely lonely and isolated and despite the recognition I was getting from my peers regarding my developing artistic ability, I was in a lot of pain and fell into a deep depression. Shortly before I graduated I even had to drop out of my most of my classes and go on antidepressants and see a psychologist. I graduated shortly therafter and obtained an art career in the industry for a few years after, but I was miserable the entire time. I didn’t end up really becoming a centered, more confident, more evolved person until after I broke away from all of that and made my personal development a top priority.

If it’s possible for you to do so, I recommend cutting back a bit on your cycling and studying and take around 30 minutes a day to be still and meditate in order to gain clarity as to whether or not this is the right path for you. There may be something else in your life that you should be doing (it may be something you should simply be doing alongside your cycling and studying) and since you aren’t doing it, it is manifesting into emotional pain and an eating disorder.

-Stubbs
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