Flashes of Death

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Flashes of Death

Postby rideforever » Mon May 21, 2012 6:37 pm

I was at work today, doing the job thing, quite normally ... I allow a more conditioned 'normal' state when I am at work.

Suddenly I started getting flashes of the realisation that I was going to die. I suddenly realised that this game I am playing was all a screen to hide from death, and that death was coming, inevitable and that the whole world was built as a way to deny it.

I worried that I was doing the wrong thing by being at work and I should meditate my ass off until I reach some resolution to death.

With a shock I felt the reality of death, the insanity of this world, of the denial ... of all the people walking around pretending they can't see. The denial the denial the denial.

Shocking. What a strange game this place is, this life. What is the meaning of it. Such unconsciousness and tragedy, denial, farce.

Is this a great cosmic joke ? We are just some strange energy caught in this trap - to die meaninglessly, to suffer meaninglessly, to hide meaninglessly.

Death death death - come on M******** F******* - I am not afraid of you !!!!!!
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby Webwanderer » Mon May 21, 2012 8:17 pm

Do you not realize that death is an experience and not a state? That you, and all of us, are on a great adventure; and that one day our bodies will be cast aside and we will go home to a greater awareness. Life goes on...and on... and on. Perception from the bigger view makes such concerns as death a good deal less concerning.

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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon May 21, 2012 9:57 pm

rideforever - what is the insanity that you noticed?

Realising that this life is impermanent doesn't negate the preciousness of it, it merely serves to wake up and make the most of it - like a holiday in some amazing place that you know you have limited time to explore, to be, to inhale, to experience. The people you meet, the sights you see, the smells that waft into your nostrils, the sounds, the appreciation... it's all wonder-ful because we're awake and appreciative of the experience 'right now'.

Now some folks say well how can I put that into my everyday life - it's the same 'process'. Every day that you wake up is a new day, you can put awareness and joy into it just as you would your first day at the beach eating ice cream that you could have at home every day of the week. It tastes so much better because we are awake and aware.

You can greet your colleagues and friends and really see them without all the built up stories, you can really listen, you can notice strangers and appreciate them, you can serve with enthusiasm and appreciate the opportunity to do so, you can notice others serving you and encounter them with gratitude and awareness - right now.

It's not 'the job' or 'the life' that gets heavy and boring, and it's not that death is a finality of nothing making now futile - it's us forgetting to appreciate that each day and each moment and each encounter is unique, wonder-ful and never to come again in its exact form.

Awareness of death allows us to really live our lives, to fill our relationships with the love that is eternal - to see that 'strangers' are just friends we haven't connected with yet, that the opportunities to BE love when we could choose fear
are the moments that we are who we really are without the impermanent coverings, to see ourselves in another, our oneness and yet our beautiful uniqueness - this is the wonder of this life and all it brings us.

And, apart from all that... we get to eat ice cream!!!
Our lives are a bit like ice cream - it melts, but that doesn't take away from its deliciousness while it's here, only if we miss 'eating/living' it is it a 'waste'.

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

“The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie


So I'd actually say - don't waste too much time meditating - LIVE it.
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby rideforever » Mon May 21, 2012 11:13 pm

Is this life precious ? I have no idea. What I do know is that it is not anything like how people imagine.

People imagine death and the 'realisation' of death - but tasting it in your mouth is quite different.

Where - is - this - place ? What insanity. What suffering. To exist is to suffer.

As soon as people start talking about preciousness and 'impermanence' and death being this and that ... then for sure I know that they are just repeating things they heard in a book. Yes it was a 'spiritual' book with a rainbow on the cover.

If there is anyone left who looks totally shocked / insane / unmoved - if your hair is white with shock ... perhaps I can spend time with you because maybe you can see.

The preciousness of your friends ? What is your friend ? Can you see the white bones and skull that truly lie in his head - you smile at each other but it is just mutual blindness - it is just the atoms, and the energy beneath. Is there anything there ? Do you have a friend ? Or is it just some energy you have 'named' and got attached to ? Is there anyone ? What you call a friend, is it just your blindness ? An inability to cope with the aloneness of there being nothing.

Is there a you ?

The question is not is there death ? But, is there life ? Is it all dead ? No friends ? No preciousness.

Just a void

What is the meaning of this 'thinking' - is it just the barking of a dog ?

Is there anything ?

Is it just a great cosmic joke ? We as identified humans are so lost creating such hardship and inelegance; and the only option is to wake up to see our own meaninglessness - we are just some temporary mixed up energy, with no meaning/ plan/ or destiny.

There is nothing. No life. No death.
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby randomguy » Tue May 22, 2012 1:27 am

Great stuff. The questions of awakening.

Is there anything ?

A grounding question that requires no mind. The sense of this one is undeniable. The rest of it mind has no business answering as an authority. Good thing mind for truth is about as valuable as a kaleidoscope in a house of mirrors. It can really be allowed to squawk on without consequence. There is an accessible sense of being deeper than the ideas of life and death and the personal stories relating to them. Meaning can seem valuable, but is it really? Or is it another invention of mind? What is it to be free of beliefs around life, death and meaning?
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue May 22, 2012 1:44 am

What I do know is that it is not anything like how people imagine.
People imagine death and the 'realisation' of death - but tasting it in your mouth is quite different.

Who goes there who can state what others imagine?

As soon as people start talking about preciousness and 'impermanence' and death being this and that ... then for sure I know that they are just repeating things they heard in a book. Yes it was a 'spiritual' book with a rainbow on the cover.


There were no books when I experienced it...
viewtopic.php?f=47&t=8712

But then I see you've posted this thread in Pain and Suffering, the above is in Beyond the physical

The preciousness of your friends ? What is your friend ? Can you see the white bones and skull that truly lie in his head

Can you not see the love that energises all?


Is it just a great cosmic joke ? We as identified humans are so lost creating such hardship and inelegance; and the only option is to wake up to see our own meaninglessness - we are just some temporary mixed up energy, with no meaning/ plan/ or destiny.

It is whatever you choose to experience it as - be that pain and suffering or be that love and wonder.

Will you take the leap to the Beyond the physical discussions?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby Donna » Tue May 22, 2012 2:09 am

Very interesting stuff, rideforever... Is your *imagination* challenging the username you have chosen? Because here you say:
Sometimes you might find your imagination becoming active and becoming part of your view of the world, but try to let your imagination slide away as well, so you are rooted in your reality.
:-) just curious where you are at with this *imagination* stuff.
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby rideforever » Tue May 22, 2012 2:00 pm

Donna wrote: Is your *imagination* challenging the username you have chosen?
I believe that the flashes - which I take to be a direct connection with the underlying strata of reality - and not imaginary - ... are then followed by lots of anxiety 'back in the real world', where my mind tries to interpret 'wtf just happened'. Seeing the truth of it is shocking, and my imagination I am sure rides the shock wave - perhaps my mind encouraging me not to do that again.

Moving from the outside to the inside, how to manage ? Most teachings just dealing with discovering the inside.


randomguy wrote:Great stuff. The questions of awakening.
Is there anything ?
A grounding question that requires no mind. The sense of this one is undeniable.


Thanks for this response, I appreciated it. Why do you say a "grounding" question btw ?

Myself, I would not say that the sense of 'one' is undeniable, just the sense. There is.

Is there mind at all ?

If I can understand that a transformation is possible into no mind, should I choose it ? It seems limited in certain regards because the mess of the identified world has many possibilities in it - perhaps this is the reason for creation, otherwise there is just the absolute. Perhaps I have not suffered enough yet, and I need to be honest that I need to live and make mistakes first before jumping into the 'death' of no mind. Why be in a rush. Perhaps I have just found a way to enter, but that doesn't mean that I should enter - it would mean the end of the playground of the manifested, wouldn't it ? I still want love and family ... yes I can bring all those desires to an end by jumping through the well ... but is it the right time ? If feel like I am trying to cheat the game by being clever enough to have found the back door ... but before I leave - didn't I quite like the game ? I did I think. If you know the door is there, it is some comfort when things seem unmanageable.

Although I may now be in a position to jump into the well; I think I would like to find a girlfriend and go swimming.

Sometimes I feel that -great I have found the door- but now I feel reassured and I would like to go back to the manifest world, seen from a deeper perspective, and enjoyed - although I need to manage stress and my mind better. And that's it, that's my job until I get close to death - at which time I can prepare to go through.

Yesterday I said to myself : "yes it is there, now switch it off and sleep well".
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby randomguy » Wed May 23, 2012 1:10 pm

rideforever wrote:Why do you say a "grounding" question btw ? Myself, I would not say that the sense of 'one' is undeniable, just the sense. There is.

By 'this one' I was referring to the question itself, not anything else. I agree, just the sense, there is, yes, and whatever is noticing this.
I used "grounding" because that sense of existence and the recognition of awareness can put the phenomenon of thought and personal experience in perspective.
Is there mind at all ?

I think you ask the good questions.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
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Re: Flashes of Death

Postby Golf » Fri May 25, 2012 12:29 am

rideforever wrote:As soon as people start talking about preciousness and 'impermanence' and death being this and that ... then for sure I know that they are just repeating things they heard in a book. Yes it was a 'spiritual' book with a rainbow on the cover.

If there is anyone left who looks totally shocked / insane / unmoved - if your hair is white with shock ... perhaps I can spend time with you because maybe you can see.

The preciousness of your friends ? What is your friend ? Can you see the white bones and skull that truly lie in his head - you smile at each other but it is just mutual blindness - it is just the atoms, and the energy beneath. Is there anything there ? Do you have a friend ? Or is it just some energy you have 'named' and got attached to ? Is there anyone ? What you call a friend, is it just your blindness ? An inability to cope with the aloneness of there being nothing.

Is it just a great cosmic joke ? We as identified humans are so lost creating such hardship and inelegance; and the only option is to wake up to see our own meaninglessness - we are just some temporary mixed up energy, with no meaning/ plan/ or destiny.


Whoa, this is some heavy stuff. But stuff I can relate with.
I was in some similar states. In 2005 I was, out of the blue, overcome with some heavy anxiety (probably had been bottling up all my life before), got really shaken up, thinking about the meaning of it all, and thought came, "what if there's nothing after death".
And this was not something you just shrug off, it felt so absolutely serious, like it was able to just negate and destroy absolutely everything, and I could not live until I found an answer. I was in a state of despair for some 45 days, not "losing it" in front of people, but everyone saw I was really not okay.
I remember one day, talking with my mom, and it was not a totally reductionist, doubting and despairing conversation, when I felt at least slightly "at peace", and the next day I felt like going for a walk (first time felt like doing something "nice" in 45 days), and that day somehow I understood (without thinking about it), that there is love and there is "something" that exists and is of value.

It's as if my negative, nihilistically judgmental thoughts (like you seem to be having now) subsided and some form of humility and acceptance replaced them and brought relief.

Then I read "Mere Christianity" by C.S.Lewis (I was raised in Christian culture so I first sought answers there), the first part explained the reasons that a higher power in the universe (God) most probably exists, and that gave me a basis of "stability" to be able to live and see life as meaningful, and try to see ways how I could live it well.

Also I remember a time in 2009, when I was quite depressed and disappointed with "the world", not knowing "what to do", when my philosophy didn't really work in practice, and then an insight came... Death is a great liberation. It's the end of all this crap, despair, depression, injustice, uselessness... It's an utter relief from all the bullsh!t and meaninglessness and stupidity. But that didn't mean I wanted it to happen then, I never did, something in me wanted to make this life work. Afterwards I saw, that my frustration came from still being quite immature, emotionally dependent, insecure, inexperienced... I got some insights and understanding on how "things", society and life work, and how they should work, and I now feel like I will still find my way in this world, and it's not my "time to go" yet, I really want to make this life work, and work beautifully and powerfully. So I feel like I "survived" the state that you seem to experience now. Just hang on.

P.s. when I think about it now, this "death" as liberation might also be the death of ego, (edit: maybe better, death of identification with ego), and living in presence and awareness, not creating misery for yourself, and accepting reality. Maybe I was too identified with my mind back then.

P.p.s. If everything was meaningless, how would you then feel that it is so, unless you did have a concept of "meaning"? If all there was were darkness, how would you then be aware that there is no light? :)
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