I have been ^practicing^ pressence for over 5 months now and i have gotten a ^taste^ of enlightenment. Still my suffering dramaticaly outweighs my joy in this slum of a life. I am always at unease when im with my friends and probably 95% of everyday of every year. A constant barbwire crawling in my belly and a voice that keeps saying its all pointless.
>> I identify with your issues and can only say that I had to do some deep and intense work on my own buried and unhealed anger and hatred from early childhood BEFORE I could begin to use ET's methods.
re: The end of suffering is as easy as to end it all and suffer no more.
>>> Many ppl in Recovery work tried to commit suicide as a last resort!
re: Not all of us are so lucky that we go straight into the bliss like echart did ( speakin out of bitterness )
>> I have often pondered how ET or anyone could suddenly eliminate or end the early childhood trauma and damaged feelings from bad parenting that I and many other survivors of rotten parenting endured but, since I know nothing of ET's childhood or possible buried, stuffed down emotional injuries, there's not much I can say about his miraculous awakening other than I just don't believe that childhood trauma can be suddenly taken out of us. I had to do a lot of very deep and painful VENTING to get as much of my inner, unresolved painful feelings/memories repaired as possible over a very long Recovery period.
re: and its just a struggle because i know its all a rollercoaster where joy enters in the tiniest of moments where all else is social anxiety and a alien depressive aura hanging in and externaly around me.
>> I'd call that the consequences of a bad childhood, some genetic thing or both!
re: Yeh, thats my ego whiny i feel so sorry for myself speech.
>> IMO, it's both counterproductive and FOOLISH to blame everything on the "ego" (The Devil made me do it!) Recovery work taught me to take responsibility for my CURRENT behavior and look for solutions - NOT blame the ego, my parents, my wife, or whatever for my current issues. "Feeling sorry for our self" is the rough beginnings of SELF LOVE! And can lead to self understanding and self RESPECT if pursued.
re: But ofcourse it isnt my pain we all share it, even tho its clear that the people around me suffer so much less.
>> I was taught that it's pointless and counterproductive to COMPARE my self and my "suffering" to that of others. Accepting, understanding and WORKING on fixing my own suffering was and still is the whole point of any process - spiritual or otherwise. YOUR PAIN MATTERS so take a deep breath and figure out how to HEAL IT!
re: My englightenment is death.
>> YES - death of the sense that you are a little, limited, vulnerable and HURTING egoic person and the BIRTH of the REAL YOU who is beyond suffering, suicide, self contempt, confusion, past trauma, disappointment, pain, frustration, FEAR, etc., etc. I'd say stay with ET's methods or try some kind of counseling, therapy or whatever. I went into 12 step Recovery work to undo my early childhood traumas.
good luck cleaning up your unfortunate past,