So ANGRY right now!

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

So ANGRY right now!

Postby Cavalerra » Fri May 10, 2013 8:41 am

I'm so angry right now that If a mountain was in front of me right now... I would demand it move or else...

Every time i touch on enlightenment I stay in it for a short while before I resume work and get dragged back down into mundane living. Can you be enlightened and in peace when you are surrounded by people full of negativity and outward poison? I feel like everyone around me is completely dysfunctional I can't stand their constant talking behind peoples backs, putting people down, judging others, why do people do these things its so nasty, but it feels like a generation of individuals have grown up to believe that this is NORMAL! Its hard to live a duality of lives, one where I am positive full of life, love with an energy in my eyes and my spirit at peace and love with the world, and then to go back to work only to be dragged into a way of being or else. No one understands when I talk about certain philosophy or concepts its all taken as if I were making sometype of offence to them. Some people are so stuck in their reality that there is absolutely no way of getting out, worse still, it is ridiculessly contagious! How can we function in society if we can't truly be part of that mundane way of thinking?

I know that part of my anger comes from my ego and its false, but I'm sick of being pulled into the dark only to drag myself back up to the light. Is this what being enlightened is all about, the battle between darkness and light? To be at peace and to not let anything effect me means that in some way I can't stand up for whats right and true? Is this all wrong? Am I trying to bring meaning to senseless brain activity?

Regards

-Chris
Cavalerra
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 8:31 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby karmarider » Fri May 10, 2013 4:53 pm

Hey Chris,

I understand your feelings. When I first came to see the unconsciousness in me, I had a lot of enthusiasm for exploring it, and often the enthusiasm turned into antagonism. It can be frustrating to be among people who seem not to see it. For several years I isolated myself, withdrawing from career and relationships etc.

There's another perspective to consider. I am not separate from everyone else. I feel I am clearer, more conscious, less fearful than I had been, but certainly I am not completely free from moments of unconsciousness and so I am not different or separate from every other human being. I do not judge (try not to) what path or experience others choose. Whatever others choose to experience and be is exactly what they need to. It is in the relationship to others which I find my greatest opportunity to be the greatest version of who I am and so for that I can only be grateful.
karmarider
 
Posts: 2141
Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:00 pm
Location: Florida

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby SandyJoy » Fri May 10, 2013 6:04 pm

The following is a random selection of words that I think fit perfectly your "anguished question": I felt I could never write this as well my teacher William Samuel did, so I am going to share some bits and pieces from his book "A Guide To Awareness and Tranquillity"--- His message is very similar to Eckhart Tolle, but his work was written many years before Tolle's--- Here you will see that Tolle and William Samuel were clearly on the same wave length, saw the Same Truth--- though they both say it in their own unique way:


If we continue the foolishness of making evaluations, we will continue to act in accord with those evaluations. Things "out there" are not really out there at all, but "here," included within and as the perceiving Awareness itself. Consequently, human judgment is self-judgment, and in whatever measure one judges, he but unwittingly judges himself.

"Why doest thou judge thy brother?" "Judge not and ye shall not be judged; condemn not and ye shall not be condemned; forgive (previous judgments) and ye shall be forgiven. Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men give into your bosom. With the same measure ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." "I came not to judge the world . . . “

The declaration that anything is "good" is dualism creating self-judgment; the declaration that anything is "bad" is needless Self-condemnation.

*******************

To the old nature, happiness hinges on an external world of things, and especially on the possession and manipulation of them.

"How are things going? How is everything? Is everything all right?" surely implies the belief that happiness has to do with the proper alignment of the images within Awareness. Would we make happiness, joy and completeness dependent on a state of "things"? This appears to place the television set at the mercy of the images on the screen.

Externals are not the creators of Peace, Tranquility or Serenity; neither are they empowered to alter or remove them. Indeed, externals are subservient, so to speak, to Tranquility (Identity). For example, a tranquil view of the panorama yields infinitely more detail and beauty than a fearful view of it, or an angry view, or one that is "blind with rage."

How things seem, therefore, hinges on the view of things. In and of themselves, "things" are not capable of influencing the beholder, who is the "viewing."

*******************

WE LEAVE "THINGS"
Images are best seen in a "state of tranquility." If they are to be seen correctly in one's experience, therefore, it should be obvious that the natural place to turn is within oneself, where tranquility is felt and experienced. Through the eyes of Absolute Tranquility, "health" and "wealth" are seen as they are.

To feel peace within when everything outside is awry demands that we leave "things." It requires that we let go all desire to correct, manipulate or change the troubling images of perception. It requires that we divest ourselves of the incorrect notion that happiness can be experienced only if "things" get straightened out or the mess is cleaned up—or "healed."

Tranquility is ever present as our very Identity. It is always "here," but we cannot be very well aware of it while battling the external picture, and we cannot be aware of it at all while believing that Identity is dependent upon, and dictated to, by a world of "things."

Letting the world of things go, with the knowledge that Peace is right here, right now, closer than breathing, we feel the baptism of Peace descend like a river of water. Then, AS Peace, we "look out" and see images as they are and for what they are. Inevitably, this view of the world reveals that no matter how ominous the appearance of a particular situation, no matter how dire and foreboding, there is no Power there. No condition or circumstance is capable of altering the Peace, the Identity, that one is!


Absolutely, and this human determination of 'good' is no better than its opposite. Human good is only the other end of the judgmental scale established by the judgment that something is bad. You can't have one without the other. The instant we cut a circular rope it has two ends. There can't be a personal determination of 'I like' without having 'I don't like.' Identity itself—the 'real' Identity—is infinitely above and beyond either of these determinations. Since neither 'good' nor 'bad' has the power to exist outside judgment, they have no authority outside personal judgment. There is no power in their seeming when we end the judgment."

---------------

Criticism is judgment, Webster tells us, usually an unfavorable censure following a critical observation.

Those who criticize most make the most judgments. Those who make the most judgments find the most to be unhappy about.
“Yes," someone writes, "but those who are intellectually able to make the most judgments also find more to be happy about."

Not so! The happiness this refers to is only the other end of unhappiness, the joy that is opposite misery, gladness that is the dualistic partner of sadness. The one who makes no judgments, either good or bad, is never moved from the Tranquility and Peace which resides in the Heart at the very center of Being. This is the Tranquility that is self-evident only to those who take no sides, to those who prefer to judge not, even as they have been admonished.

Backbiting and criticism are merely the negative aspects of judgment. Is a positive judgment any better? It has been written, "When beauty came into being, ugliness arose." A judgment is merely a comparison of one human evaluation to another.

Critics are great peak-of-elation and valley-of-depression sufferers, plunging from the ecstatic height of happiness into the abyss of the soul's dark night.

-----------------

We know the images on the television screen, the screen itself, and the television set are all one functioning television set; exactly so, Knower, knowing and known are one. Here and now, the reader, reading and read is the One in action, effortlessly beholding another aspect of the infinite Selfhood.
*******************

Awareness is an obvious fact because we are aware. All that "needs be done" is to acknowledge this Awareness, here and now, to be God's alone. It is our good pleasure to be the Deific Awareness of Deity! This is true! It is a fact! We do not have to do anything to make it so; we do not even have to acknowledge it and act it; but when we do, we behold wonder after wonder everywhere and see the ills of the old vision vanish.

---------------------

Just because there is no ISNESS in the image does not mean the objects of everyday perception do not exist or are "just a dream going on"; it means there is no value, power or importance in them, no matter what they are, or what they appear to be doing or not doing. It means the bird, the bee, the tree, flower, son and daughter are being just what they are—bird, bee, tree, flower, son and daughter—but there is no power there. The Eternal Value is the basic, primordial ISNESS being those objects of perception. Isness is the power and importance, forever maintaining, sustaining every "thing" as Itself.

This means we can stop the foolish business of attaching values to qualities and attributes that have no value. We can stop worshipping dollar bills and automobiles and making graven images of personal possessions. Furthermore, we can stop cringing before appearances; then, when we're not wasting our time cringing, we know what to do about them!

*******************

Chief among the valueless images to which the greatest value is given is the me-judge opinion holder who is the one who attaches the values and worships the valueless. We cease playing the part of that ridiculous identity the instant we stop making judgments, the process by which we arrive at opinions and attach values to the valueless.

*******************

Isness is being this Awareness-I-am as surely as it is being the bee, the tree and the thundering sea. This is why "the things I see are the Self I be" and why judgment is always self-judgment. "By what measure ye judge" says the One.

-------------------

JUDGMENT AND THE APPEARANCE OF "THINGS" AND EVENTS
QUESTI0N: I've never understood the statement inherent within so many philosophies that there is no matter. Will you explain this?
ANSWER: The statement "there is no matter" does not mean there are no mountains or flowers. It simply means that mountains and flowers are not outside consciousness, are not external. Indeed, there are mountains, and little boys climbing them; there are flowers, and little girls picking them; but they are not apart from the Awareness that perceives them. They are not "out there." They are not one thing and Awareness another, just as the images on the television picture tube are not one thing and the picture tube another. Images, picture tube and television set are one.

*******************

How things appear to us depends on the degree to which we consider our self a possessor of the viewing. To the extent we cease playing the possessor of Awareness—letting that one go—and consciously are Awareness alone, "things" appear the beautiful, flawless and harmonious aspects of Deific Isness they are. It is not that images change, or that Awareness changes; it is that the no-identity, the dark glass, is let go and cast aside. The veil is rent. The mist lifts.

______________

One of William's gifts was showing us how to LIVE these ideas right here in the world---He had a gift, truly. This is why I continue to share his message when I can. The above quotes are taken from "A Guide To Awareness and Tranquillity" By William Samuel -- Although William is no longer with us, you can read his work and see that he is a brilliant teacher who can really help you see how to live this New Understanding Who we Are and What Awareness Really Is all about. I hope that helps--
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
User avatar
SandyJoy
 
Posts: 873
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 1:42 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby rideforever » Fri May 10, 2013 6:16 pm

Cavalerra wrote:I'm sick of being pulled into the dark only to drag myself back up to the light


Please try to see that you allow yourself to be pulled into the dark. It's a habit.

Blaming other people, is just the beginning. You must see how you co-operate with the situation. Even, how somewhere inside you ... you enjoy it.

There is a secret enjoyment of being angry. Of being unhappy. Of being in the horrible drama with other people. Yes, deep inside there is an enjoyment.

And that, is why it continues to happen.

Watch very closely how you respond. How you feel ... excited ?

When you are angry ... you KNOW who you are. It gives you a sense of strength and solidity. I AM ANGRY.

Notice that.

But, it is the false me.

The peace of being on a mountain top, is a small piece. A peace that you find whilst all this garbage is still inside you. But ... the bigger peace is when you cut through these things for real, for good, so that they are no longer inside you.

Watch closely the millisecond you start to go into the negative. Say STOP to yourself ... and watch how what is happening inside.

How you co-operate. How it is like a ditch that you enjoy falling in to.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
User avatar
rideforever
 
Posts: 1513
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:32 pm
Location: Hove

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby rideforever » Fri May 10, 2013 6:58 pm

You know the really great great news ... is that you can be ecstatically happy ...

Yes you can, man !

Because once you see that you are doing the thing, you are doing the anger to yourself ... that you have been kind of wanting it all this time ... then you can ... stop.

Yes ... it's all up to you ... don't worry about those creeps ... you can do it without having to change them ... it's all inside you.

You can be like a Dolphin !!

That's true.

And when these guys with all their heavy negativity come and hassle ... you just put your shades on and start boogeying .... yeah ... that's right ... shake those hips ... yup ... and now you get the shoulders going ... that's right, yeaaaah ... and now the arms, yup ... go baby ... go baby ... you are the sunshine !!!

Rock you baby !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osh6kc3UDTw
.
.
.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
User avatar
rideforever
 
Posts: 1513
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:32 pm
Location: Hove

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby SandyJoy » Fri May 10, 2013 10:59 pm

Yeah, Ride, at some point we just all gotta live and let live! 8)


And my song for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtKXTbeWWX4

Love, and Love and More Love---That' the only thing all this is really about--- And somehow, some way the only answer.

When we get that one, and we are free---
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
User avatar
SandyJoy
 
Posts: 873
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2010 1:42 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sat May 11, 2013 1:02 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bUTcy6w2Rw


Natural anger lasts just 15 seconds, long enough to evaluate and say no thank you to taking a thing into yourself.
Anything beyond that is a distortion of your own creation based on judgement and separation. In judgement and separation one behaves exactly as they judge another as 'bad' for behaving
I can't stand their constant talking behind peoples backs, putting people down, judging others, why do people do these things its so nasty


- aren't you speaking about others behind their backs? Aren't you being critical and negative? Is your anger somehow more 'functional' than 'dysfunctional'? Are these words uplifting or putting others down? Is it somehow less 'nasty'?

It seems that you want your view of the world to be superimposed over the reality of the world and hence why the mountain just smiles and loves you rather than actually moving just because you say so.

Basically the mountain says I'm here, deal with it! :D
The more you resist it, the more you will fight it, the more it will still just be there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bUTcy6w2Rw
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
User avatar
smiileyjen101
 
Posts: 3688
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby heidi » Thu May 23, 2013 4:02 pm

Hi Cavalerra, and welcome to the forum. When I feel that way, it's always an indication that there's something about Me that I see in the other that's the issue, for we only see others through our own filter, and more often than not, they are mirroring us for us in some way. Rather than fighting or resisting or judging what is, how about just allowing things to be as they are without thought, attachment, or trying to change or get rid of or hang onto, or fit in; just letting them come and go like any other thought or feeling? Nothing stays, ever. As far as I can tell, that is what "enlightenment" is all about, allowing things to be as they are and come and go as they do. :D
Heidi
http://www.heidimayo.com
wonderment on the third wave
User avatar
heidi
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 2703
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:37 am
Location: 42nd parallel, Massachusetts, USA

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby jimmyrich » Sat Aug 03, 2013 6:35 am

Cavalerra wrote:I'm so angry right now that If a mountain was in front of me right now... I would demand it move or else...

Every time i touch on enlightenment I stay in it for a short while before I resume work and get dragged back down into mundane living. Can you be enlightened and in peace when you are surrounded by people full of negativity and outward poison?

In my experience, I could not stay "enlightened or at peace" because I eventually discovered that I was holding back and in a MOUNTAIN of buried, hidden and repressed anger, hate, sorrow and unhappiness from a rotten childhood that was TRIGGERED by some other angry and hurting ppl that I came into contact with. They were TRIGGERING my own unresolved issues although I believed it was all about them - not me!

re: I feel like everyone around me is completely dysfunctional I can't stand their constant talking behind peoples backs, putting people down, judging others, why do people do these things its so nasty, but it feels like a generation of individuals have grown up to believe that this is NORMAL!
>> IMO, society has always labeled this behavior as NORMAL because society wants to stay in DENIAL and avoid dealing with the ugly facts of early childhood abuse and damage from generally UNHEALTHY parents (please do not get offended if you are a parent - this is not about parent bashing!) so society invests a huge amount of Delusional energy to cover up and condone bad parenting which leads to damaged kids who grow up to be DYSFUNCTIONAL adults, etc. In my current opinion, most of the bad behavior we see in the world today is the DIRE consequence of BAD PARENTING (along with a few genetic issues).

re: Its hard to live a duality of lives, one where I am positive full of life, love with an energy in my eyes and my spirit at peace and love with the world, and then to go back to work only to be dragged into a way of being or else.
>> My experience was that, so long as I was carrying around a mountain of unresolved rage, disappointment, humiliation and sorrow, I was a sitting duck for others negativity and instantly fell right into it despite knowing better!

re: No one understands when I talk about certain philosophy or concepts its all taken as if I were making sometype of offence to them. Some people are so stuck in their reality that there is absolutely no way of getting out, worse still, it is ridiculessly contagious! How can we function in society if we can't truly be part of that mundane way of thinking?
>> For me, it was "contagious" because I was SECRETLY filled with it and could not function in society without buying into the gossiping, drinking, raging and other forms of NORMAL behavior. My DENIAL was to believe that I was "special, spiritual, wise, healthy, normal and Ok" when I absolutely was not!

re: I know that part of my anger comes from my ego and its false,
>>LOL, I too spent a lot of time BLAMING my "ego, pride, wife, boss, peers, the cops, the government, Karma, bad luck, diet, genetics, the town I live in, etc." but, thanks to finally being forced to go for help in therapy, I came to see that my issues were mostly connected to early childhood damages by very dysfunctional parents and others (this is not about parent bashing!). I was like a Post Traumatic Stress victim who had been hiding and holding in a lot of angry, humiliated and hurt feelings since I was about 4 y.o. and did not DARE express my rage and sorrow to my extremely punitive parents.

re: but I'm sick of being pulled into the dark only to drag myself back up to the light. Is this what being enlightened is all about, the battle between darkness and light? To be at peace and to not let anything effect me means that in some way I can't stand up for whats right and true? Is this all wrong? Am I trying to bring meaning to senseless brain activity?
>> I won't attempt to respond to all of your questions and issues here other than to share with you what I did and continue to do to overcome a rotten childhood and find some happiness and peace.
My unhealed inner issues from the past finally began to ruin my life at about 45, so I went looking for help. I might have gone to spirituality but had never found real relief from spiritual stuff in all those years so, following up a "hint" from a friend several years before & went to AA to look up a 12 step group called ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous). The ppl at AA gladly linked me up to an ACOA meeting and I went to a (free) meeting that same day. As I sat there listening, they mentioned a "Higher Power & God" and I almost got up to leave since I'd had it with religion and Christianity in particular but, something about the miserable, weeping and HONEST people in that room told me this is not another phony religious/churchy/B.S. group so I hung in, took some free literature home to read and went back to see if it was for real.
Yes, it was for real and the best thing I've ever done to undo and HEAL my early childhood damages by badly damaged parenting/parents. What I learned there was to examine my self and my past, see how and why I had been damaged at home and eventually FIND A SOLUTION to heal my inner wounds and damaged hidden feelings. I uncomfortably witnessed many ppl weeping openly in meetings, raging about their parents and HURTING, HURTING, HURTING - yet healing a little right before my eyes! Their stories and processes were opening my eyes to what had happened to me and HOW to overcome it. I soon began weeping uncontrollably myself and it went on for about a year straight! I pissed a lot of ppl off with my spontaneous tears and pain but I knew I was healing so I just LET IT POUR. I did a lot of anger, vengeance work on and against my parents in journals, beating up furniture, angrily screaming into tape recorders, etc. but not directly to them (this is not about parent bashing!). I just had to VENT as much of my bottled up, painful RAGE as possible 'cos the unresolved rage within me was contaminating every aspect of my miserable life. I had horrifying nightmares for about the 1st year as my stirred up feelings became activated. I endured these horrifying dreams in the belief that I was healing and had to go through it. I hurt all over my body but began feeling better every time I allowed my inner self to weep or discharge it's anger and desire for REVENGE/JUSTICE. I knew all along that revenge & retribution was not what I wanted. I just wanted some JUSTICE and relief or forgiveness. I realized that my parents were also victims of the bad parenting that has been passed along for many 1000s of years in our society. The process I followed could take a whole book to tell so all I can say is that IT WORKED and I finally found some relief, understanding and PEACE after several years of 12 step and other RECOVERY work to expose and heal my long standing inner damages and PTSD. In Recovery, they tell you that once you start, it's a life long process and that seems true for me but it's also true that success and solutions can be found. I am no longer so burdened by hatred for my parents and experience deeper and broader understanding of them all the time. I acknowledge the teachings of ET and others re: the pain body and unresolved childhood pain so you and others are free to go whatever way you want to uncover and deal with your own hidden, bottled up pain and trauma from the past that society seldom acknowledges or teaches anyone how to deal with. It's sad to see that almost every crime and violation is the direct consequence of unhealed, hidden RAGE, pain & unhappiness inside of the violator but society refuses to acknowledge this because it means having to face and deal with the rampant BAD PARENTING that is the underlying CAUSE!
Good luck fixing your own inner issues and peace be with you,
jim :)
(this is not about parent bashing!)
jimmyrich
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:25 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby Onceler » Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:25 pm

Wow, jimmyrich, great post! I appreciate your honesty and your hard work to be real with your feelings. I had good parents and am somewhat angry at them......can't imagine having the kind of parenting you talk about. Looking forwarding to hearing more from you.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2198
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby sloth » Sat Aug 03, 2013 4:45 pm

Sometimes, when I am angry at someone, or something, I feel the anger rise to a peak and I think, 'right! I am going to jump up as fast as I can and break something or hit something in a mad frenzy of rage!" It's like a gut feeling that rises to the tip of your tongue and you can feel yourself on the verge of losing it. But then, you suddenly feel like you have indulged in that emotion as you need to: you feel the adrenaline rush, your heart beat rise and then it slows down again and your anger subsides. You feel you have experienced the worst heat of that emotion and, to be honest it felt good - you got those feelings off your chest and felt something powerful, raw and instinctive. But now that you are calm you can see the futility of those feelings - was it even worth feeling angry about in the first place? - and you can actually laugh it all off.

Sometimes it was worth feeling angry, however: there are other times when a person oversteps their boundaries and you feel angry with them: they need to be put in their place, just like the ego inside you needs to be kept on check. You punish that person by demonstrating to them the error that it is they have made: you assert your authority to that person and the group and they respect you for doing so. Your anger has risen and now it has subsided again just like in the above. That person will either show humiliation in which case you can now empathise with them and demonstrate that it is ok, or they may show arrogance and storm off in a huff or show some disrespect in another form. Whether that person deserves your attention or not is up to you. The point is, that this is a mindful way to deal with anger in a social situation - a way that will command dignitas in social circles. Sometimes, however when you are not being mindful it will be because this person has not overstepped their boundaries: it is you that has done so by getting angry, and now it is you that will feel the heat of social ostracism.
User avatar
sloth
 
Posts: 147
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 3:12 pm

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby jimmyrich » Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:54 pm

Onceler wrote:Wow, jimmyrich, great post! I appreciate your honesty and your hard work to be real with your feelings. I had good parents and am somewhat angry at them......can't imagine having the kind of parenting you talk about. Looking forwarding to hearing more from you.

One of the strange things about doing Recovery work is to come to that place where I finally have the strength and support of other ppl to HONESTLY look at all the dynamics in my family and see just how bad the "good" ppl were. After all of these years, I am still uncovering some real bad stuff about our "good/saintly" mother so I no longer have her up on a pedestal of sainthood and "goodness". She made some SERIOUS mistakes with her children but seemed like a blessed saint compared to our horrible dad. I have finally realized that one of her unnoticed mistakes with us kids was her FAILURE to protect us from our abusive/cruel father and have no way to examine her misbehavior now that both of them are dead. I can only assume that she was either too frightened to confront dad's violence and cruelty or secretly agreed with it! Ether way, she was the COWARD and he was the BULLY in or family. But psychology would call them a "perfect match" who complimented each other even if nobody could see how and why. My opinion of "good parents" is simply that someone, lost in DENIAL, is failing to see them for what they really are/were.
If you are "angry" with your "good parents" something doesn't add up but it would take an honest, in depth examination to find out why you are angry at good people.
:) jim
jimmyrich
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:25 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby Onceler » Sat Aug 03, 2013 10:19 pm

jimmyrich wrote:.
If you are "angry" with your "good parents" something doesn't add up but it would take an honest, in depth examination to find out why you are angry at good people.
:) jim


I'm actually not that angry at them anymore and I know exactly why I was angry.....but I can see they were doing the best they could and I forgive them. The anger flares occasionally around my mother, but it takes the form of disconnectedness and alienation on my part.....so I do a little work around that and stay present as best I can. I see the ghost of similar patterns in my parenting of my children.

I truly think we are all doing the best we can....Life is a complex thing that morphs just when you think you've got it figured out!
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2198
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby jimmyrich » Wed Aug 07, 2013 8:29 pm

Onceler wrote: I see the ghost of similar patterns in my parenting of my children.
I truly think we are all doing the best we can....Life is a complex thing that morphs just when you think you've got it figured out!

I have to salute you for acknowledging the faults or inadequacies in your own parenting of your kids. Most parents are very defensive about or in denial of their own parenting and it's very difficult to speak with a parent about how they raised their own kids. But parent bashing or blaming was never the focus of my emotional recovery program while understanding the past and correcting it was the whole point of examining parents and parenting. I am not a parent, so I have been spared the pain and resentment of examining my parenting, yet I was a sort of parent to my pets and not a very good one at that! I made a lot of mistakes that I would not make today thanks to learning about and examining my parenting and the parenting of others. I suppose all anyone can do is learn from the past, forgive their mistakes and try to do better from now on. But I see many parents who hide behind denial and never change for the better! I reject the notion that we are all "doing the best that we can" UNLESS that person has acknowledged their mistakes and is trying to do the best they can from now on. My mother was not interested in ever changing a thing about her self and staunchly claimed that she and dad "did the best they could" - IT WAS A BLATANT LIE! :roll:
best wishes,
jim :)
jimmyrich
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:25 am

Re: So ANGRY right now!

Postby kutto » Thu Aug 08, 2013 5:32 am

I'm on a similar journey to Jim - resolving childhood hurts which are the root of the 'dragging back into darkness'. Also suffering from a lot of ancient anger surfacing - it can be hard to vent this when the original cause was decades ago and it very is corrosive to hold it.

I will say that spritiuality has been a huge part of this process and Tolle is one important part of that for me.

Robert Burney who is referred to in various posts on this site is wonderful for bringing together sprituality and traditional therapies in a beautiful way. He was an abused child who later went to and recovered from alcoholism.

I particularly like his definition of Spritiuality which is 'A container for all your relationships' - In my case this has been especially about mending the relationship with myself so I can then address other relationships in my life - Spirituality can give the space needed for this delicate and painful process beyond that of even the best therapist.

He makes the point (and has an ebook on the point) the Law of Attraction can be taught by some spiritual teachers in a way that makes people ashamed they cannot 'attract' positive energy and experience. This is becuase of the rage and anger they carry from childhood and they need to be able to own that anger and release it. This is hard and takes time. Often these people, like I have, have experienced much shame and been judged many times - Burneys point is that while the law of attraction is valid it can be misunderstood as something else to 'master'.

I will say too that I 'thought' I had a generally loving supporting upbringing until therapy really started - it is amazing how you can block the pain and hurt from childhood with adaptive mechanisms that numb and hide the darkness within but do not remove it. This is what can keep dragging you back. It won't go - ever - unless you address it. it's dragging you back for a reason - so you can bring it the light of your consciousness and finally feel and release it. Tolles general guidance towards presence and not thinking are very helpful in this as so many of our old patterns and emergence of suppressed feelings are reinforced by our thoughts. I still find it immensely difficult to not think as it is a reflexive strategy to distress built up over decades and won't stop overnight.

Converstations with God is another terrific series of books that give a broad spiritual introduction that I would recommend to anyone and have been a spiritual foundation for me for several years now.
kutto
 
Posts: 77
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:11 am
Location: Wollongong

Next

Return to Pain and Suffering

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest