I learned in therapy to 1. clearly identify exactLy who hurt me as a helpless child and 2. Send my unexpressed, bottled up anger, rage, sorrow, humiliation towards that person (the correct target) in unmailed letters, journals, sharing meetings, and other SAFE avenues of EXPRESSION/VENTING instead of dumping my damaged feelings on: my wife, girl friend, family pet, co-worker, boss, the cops, the government and other SUBSTITUTE targets for my early childhood rage and need for justice or VENTING. I needed to let my repressed, painful feelings come out and say or do what they need to at the real and correct cause of my bottled up rage = MY PARENTS (in my case).kutto wrote:I'm on a similar journey to Jim - resolving childhood hurts which are the root of the 'dragging back into darkness'. Also suffering from a lot of ancient anger surfacing - it can be hard to vent this when the original cause was decades ago and it very is corrosive to hold it.
re: In my case this has been especially about mending the relationship with myself so I can then address other relationships in my life - Spirituality can give the space needed for this delicate and painful process beyond that of even the best therapist.
>> The 12 step work I undertook included spirituality (a Higher Power) and very little personal therapist involvement. The basic idea was to vent or release as much of my inner rage, sorrow and fear as possible to become a self respecting and high self worth person/ego which then gave me the confidence and strength to do the confronting and venting work I had to do against my ABUSIVE parents.
re: He makes the point (and has an ebook on the point) the Law of Attraction can be taught by some spiritual teachers in a way that makes people ashamed they cannot 'attract' positive energy and experience. This is becuase of the rage and anger they carry from childhood and they need to be able to own that anger and release it. This is hard and takes time. Often these people, like I have, have experienced much shame and been judged many times
>> IMO, very few ppl, including many professional therapists, can or will understand the plight of childhood trauma victims because they are trying to hide from their own traumatic backgrounds or the trauma victim TRIGGERS their own unhealed inner wounds and they either resent, ignore or ATTACK the traumatized client/victim thus RE-SHAMING & RE-DAMAGING the once shamed/damaged victim. They just can't handle a trauma victim's pain and do anything they can to STOP or IGNORE the damaged victim's expressions of pain and rage! I got a lot of judgements and attacks due to my uninhibited expression of pain, weeping and sorrow at the beginning of my process - even from fellow trauma victims!!! The world renown psycho-therapist: Alice Miller helped me understand and see just how unhealed, unresolved professional therapists can SHAME and RE-DAMAGE their traumatized clients with defensive attacks aimed at shutting up the trauma victim to PROTECT the unhealed therapist from their own inner issues! And I personally believe there are many so-called enlightened, spiritual ppl, with unhealed inner issues, who are doing the same thing to trauma victims who go to them for help but end up being kicked in the teeth for DISTURBING the "peaceful" GURU!
re: I will say too that I 'thought' I had a generally loving supporting upbringing until therapy really started - it is amazing how you can block the pain and hurt from childhood with adaptive mechanisms that numb and hide the darkness within but do not remove it. This is what can keep dragging you back. It won't go - ever - unless you address it. it's dragging you back for a reason - so you can bring it the light of your consciousness and finally feel and release it.
>> The idea that once a person achieves Enlightenment, their inner egoic issues DISAPPEAR and NEVER RETURN just makes me nuts! Is ET really free of his early childhood anger, hurt, pain, unhappiness, rage, etc. and beyond being TRIGGERED? Is any guru, including Ramana Maharshi, REALLY free of their early childhood emotional damages or is there a kind of denial that is hiding their reactions to certain TRIGGERS that nobody is willing to discuss? I have met a few "spiritual" ppl and many of them demonstrate what I would call unhealed inner issues but cover it up quite well with SPIRITUAL behavior and attitudes. I'd like to live with and watch a Guru for a few months or years to see for my self if he is really free of having his inner emotional issues TRIGGERED by certain events and stimuli that we don't see on their tapes and in their books. IMO, these early traumas DO NOT just evaporate after "awakening" and can be triggered just like any other hidden painful feeling under certain conditions.
re: Tolles general guidance towards presence and not thinking are very helpful in this as so many of our old patterns and emergence of suppressed feelings are reinforced by our thoughts.
>> In my experience many things can trigger either a feeling that produces bad thoughts or thoughts that can produced bad feelings because there are feeling/memories buried within me that need some kind of healing and venting - NOT COVERING UP or IGNORING - as much of spirituality wants us to do. IMO, "not thinking' is both pointless and dangerous since thinking is not the issue. Losing our Real identity in thought streams is the issue and remembering who/what we are is the point - not going to war with our thought and feelings!
re: I still find it immensely difficult to not think as it is a reflexive strategy to distress built up over decades and won't stop overnight.
>> I'd say a traumatic childhood will make compulsive thinking nearly impossible to stop or control and perhaps even harder to become the separate Witness of our thoughts and mind so we can realize that we are NOT the mind and it's thoughts/feelings. Years ago, I was instructed to ask: "What am I?" and separate my self from my body. It worked a little bit BUT could not shut up or eliminate my deeply bottled up childhood emotional wounds so, many years later, I finally had to do the hard work of uncovering and HEALING the buried wounds that Advaita could not even see was there! I am now finding the Real Me with ET's methods which are somewhat similar to Advaita teachings but still misses the issue about healing unresolved feelings, IMO.
Since you've mentioned Robert Burney, here's another guy worth mentioning: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd_iJTt6TR0