I hate god.

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering
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Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 3:59 pm

I hate god.

Post by bugdrops » Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:44 pm

For 3 years ago i was confronted by god, i was a junkie with no hope prety much, and there was no other way for god to reveal himself. And he did alot of things, i fell in love with this girl, but even before i did, god planned so that it would never be anything out of that, he downrigth sabotaged it, and i was such a happy person then i never was negative in any way, and i felt that god supported me then, that he cared about me. And i kinda quit everything after that, of drugs. But then after he sabotaged this thing with me and this girl, i have gotten really angry at god, and i am never at rest with this. And i have anxiety, and i had it for a long time, but i was getting better around the time with the girl and stuff. But then after that, he completey turned around. If he knew i would get angry of something he would do it repeadetly, beeing confronted by certain ppl, situations, anything that would trigger my anger he did it on purpose. And it have been up and down up and down all the time. And i love playing computer games, i love it. And he let me play really good, and let me have the feeling of mastering something wich i never had in my life earlier. And i also started riding bicycle like alot, and i like to compete, i think i am very competative for some reason. And he also gave me a job, to repair bikes, and i like that too. But it is kind of overshadowed by all the bullshit. Now i live completely solitary life prety much i have no friends, except a few on the computer wich i sometimes play with, rarely. So i spend my day's playing league of legends now. And i play this ranked games, and there is competiton and u are placed in a certain division for perfoming according to your level of skill. And cause of my anxiety im very reduced in a way to have any social life, i just, this anxiety prevents everything. It is hard for me to describe how it is to have god in your life, it seems for me that he's main purpose is now to make me angry, he will do anything, he will sabotage my training, when im playing games, i suspoect he also tamper with my sleep and i havent really slept good in many years and i have to take this medicine to sleep, wich works ok. It seems god have no other plans for me then to sit infront of computer and play games all day long and beeing bullied by god, just like some bully from shcool all day long. He will do so much, he will go so far to make me angry i cant understand how anyone cant be angry, he sabotage EVERYTHING in my life it doesnt matter what it is god will destroy it, beeing me or what i like doing. So i am furious at god, i tell him if i could i would KILL him cause i cant stand to live my life with this asshole in it and all sorts of cruel things i can think to say cause im just so sick of him, he is never nice to me he is just cruel all the time. He have been like this for 3 years and he dont STOP, he do nothing to improve my situation in anything, sleep, anxiety, relationships........... I really feel that i am hated back, but it was he who started to be like this out of the blue, and in return i got angry, and i have become increasingly angry cause lately he have been much more intense in the way he want me to get angry, he is really really trying all he can to make me angry, to put me down, to make me feel bad about myself, to sabotage the things i love doing he has completely NO respect for what i do it doesnt matter what it is he just dont CARE. Somtimes i just want to kill myself cause i am so tired of having this life, to be under god this way he is abusive, like a bully. And i keep reacting to what he does, cause it is just on an absurd level. I dont see anyone i know beeing treated like this it is unbelivable for me that i am stuck in this life i dont want to have. And i am a prisoner of my reaction and my life situation. I know what eckhart means, everything. But i dont do anything. I just continue this reacting...... And he makes me sit and talk to myself all the time, cause it is not in my will to do so and i know the power of god is not small. Before i was prety ok, now im just off the hinges, i am somtimes non stop complaining and expressing my hate towards god. And he never stop i cant see an end to it if i knew rest of my life was this i would kill myself cause it isnt a life to live for it is worthless...... I dont know if i am beeing punished or if he just is like this... I suspect he punish me i cant udnerstand anything else. And cause im so much angry i hurt ppl sometimes but i know it is not me i am really against that kind of stuff deep down but i just loose it... And he keeps doing things according to what i think all the time, and he just do so much weird shit. It is like he will do anything i wouldnt want i dont have to ask, but if i ask for anything i can just forget it, he will just bully me in some way. I know this, that nothing affects me, but in my own mind, but he is taking everything i love doing and sabotaging it, and he loves to do what i would want god to do for me, to do it to other ppl and to show it to me so i would get jealous or upset in some way. Like hey, look how nice i am to others i support them i do nice things for them all the time, they are normal ppl with not much painbody living a prety ok life. Look, haha.. does it make u angry? i take everything u love from u, and i show u how much i give to others... Like, he post on my facebook all the time, how he supports others in there training, in playing games and so on. I feel like i have nothing life. I dont feel any good about myself anymore either and before god would do things so i would have some selfesteem have an idea about myself as i would be a good deacent person and now he just do anything he can to break it in some way. He is just brining out the worst in me and then reflecting everything bad in me back to me. It is hard not to give shit, dont care. Be fucking enlightened cause i know what it is i am completely aware of what it is, but it just dont matter all the shit i know it's useless to me. Im just stuck with some knowledge i cant even use. SO instead i am stuck with this bullshit. And he knows how much i would like to have a nice girlfriend i really like, ima bit superficial, i feel i cant change that part about me i like to train and dress well, and try to look good. But i also value a good persona im confortable with aswell, but, also it feels very difficult for me, cause all this shit just made me bit weird and very sensitive to how others are... But to the part, on several ocations, he would trick me, with intentions, that i would get a girlfriend, but later he would just turn around and laugh at me. And, i am completely shut out from everything social friends or whatever it issssssssssss....... And then i thin, heck i dont need anyone in my life, i dont give shit. And this would be the smart thing not give shit, life's suposed to be good even with nothing in it..........? And now i cant stop hating god or curse at him i do it every fucking day, cuz im so sick of him, he is like my worst nightmareeee, just that it starts when i wake up. And i think cuz i hate him he will just punish me and be a asshole to me all the time, and so im just trapped. And he does things, when i play, with me and others, and he is insinuating that im a sinner... but i cant understand how i can be any worse then him he is a complete retard to me, and if anyone was cotained as a person, reflecting how god is to me, i cant see anyone would like that person, and if they were in prison with that person, let's say, they would go MAD........ And now, after first day at gym in 2 weeks, after i got sick, where im really excited about next time i go there to see if i can life heavier and so on, i cant sleep, i just couldnt get sleep tonigth and it is so important to sleep well to advance in training it is crucial. And just recently 30 mins ago, "god" post on my facebook, AHHHHH, lovely workout, i set a new record on my current lap, im so stoked about it, AWESOM!!!! And he does it just to taunt me. And i mostly play league of legends all day long, and in that game he have full control over everyone and every outcome and he abuse it so hard towards be, i can clearly see how he is cruching me all the time. He took what i love to master something and he just STOMP it and laugh at me and taunt. and it NEVER ENDS, it is just NEVERENDING i cant see an end to it. And he is ininuating that he is trying to make me so enlightened but i think really it is all punishment from god. I hate having him in my life i wish i could have a life normal without him, fucking hate him, i cant help it i think anymore cuz i feel he step on me all the time..... I can only see, that i can stop reacting only sulotion but i cant i just cant do it, and if i would not react he will just streatch it further until i get angry. He is even physical against me sometimes also, many times, and i know im not this body and god is controlling it........ And he does it in a way that i know it is him. He havent beeng physical towards me in some time tho, but he was excessively at one point i guess he stopped for now, he migth continue now tho, seeing as i said this, cause he love to do that i know. I have fucking snapped so many times where i live now, and scream of rage, and it is impossible for neighbors not to hear, and now i just feel like a complete nut.. This guy who goes around speaking to himself i cross paths with him all the time, and i recently moved here. And it is god, hey, bugs, look, ur like that nuttt........ I dont know, how to explain, but, he have promissed me so much so much good things but i just get shit.

With all this said, i have an conclusion, and suspicion it is my pain body, and that i immagine these things to happen, and that it all doesnt matter i should be satisfied with only consciousness. and bl bla other spritiual stuff. And that all this is this false ego's way of creating pain in my life, as this immaginary person all this happen to.. WELL, in my state of low consciousness it happens to me all the time.. AAAAAAAAA im simply a prisonerrr

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Re: I hate god.

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:23 pm

Thanks bugdrops. I had a good chuckle on this whole rambling post. I must say however that it was torture to get through. Not so much the content and the hate God stuff - that was funny - but the 'God' awful writing style you punish your readers with. Jeez, do you know what a paragraph is?

Alright, enough about the your pathetically poor command of the language arts, lets get to the content. I agree completely that God hates you and is punishing you. No doubt you deserve it. It's obviously true as is demonstrated by your intense focus upon and justification of your misery.

The thing you have to consider however is that you are the expression of God that's doing the hating and the punishing. The greater God Source, of which you are a living expression in human form, is supplying you with all the energy you need to manifest and create the life experience you focus upon. Do you feel like a victim? Then you draw more victimization energy into your experience. Cool huh?

The greater God, your true inner nature, has given you the gift of experiencing anything you focus strongly and with feeling upon. The stronger your feelings of anger and hate and frustration, the more you draw to yourself experiences of anger, hate and frustration. How much better can it possibly be? God supplies the creative energy, you supply the focus of attention. It's the yin yang, the male female creative cooperation.

There is no God 'out there' that is separate from your very own conscious beingness. You are an exploratory wave or vibration or individualized perspective, perceiving life as a human expression. When you finally get this you will stop all the rambling nonsense about how some external God hates and punishes you and you will start perceiving life in ways more beneficial to your direct experience. In other words live as the aware creative God force in human form you intended to be.

It's simply a matter of where and how you focus your attention over time. Eventually, when you are clearer on how energy and feeling focus creates experience, the old rantings will be abandoned and will stop maligning you with the painful creative energies you have endowed them with.

Just stop thinking and spinning about what pains you and giving those thought focuses the energy to screw with your life, and move your focus of attention onto the endless beauty and joy available in life. When you do energy will begin to flow into new and more enjoyable experiences that will make you laugh at the way things used to be when you hated your own creative misdirections.

It's really that simple - not to be confused with easy. Old habit can be hard to change. But you have your whole life to experiment and explore how life energy flows into experience. God has no plan for you - other that the wish for you to be happy. His/Her/Its gift is the gift of free choice as to where you focus your attention, and the energy supplied to bring experience related to that focus. It is all you need to create a wondrous life of joy and happiness - or one of pain and suffering - or maybe some of each. In any case you, the God of your life, get to choose.


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