how to overcome a big regret?

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how to overcome a big regret?

Postby presenttense » Tue May 13, 2014 4:35 pm

how to overcome a big regret?
I lost the only reason that would make me happy to continue my journey, and it is strange but nothing else makes sense anymore.
I had the opportunity but for some reason I am not able to explain or understand, I did not do the only thing I wanted at the time it was applicable and it is not possible anymore. And I think about it every day, about every detail, and I cannot forgive myself, because now it is over.
I can call it my big mistake.
the good thing is that nobody else was hurted, I was and I am just hurting myself.
meditation, to live in the present, they are palliative for me now...

Do you know about the cure for this pain?
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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby Phil2 » Tue May 13, 2014 11:07 pm

presenttense wrote:the good thing is that nobody else was hurted, I was and I am just hurting myself.
meditation, to live in the present, they are palliative for me now...

Do you know about the cure for this pain?


The good thing is that you now live in the present moment ... and this is all BUT a "palliative" ... if you really live in the present moment, there can be no thought about the past ... hence no regrets ... this is the best 'cure' you can ever find to ALL your problems ... maybe you heard about "The Power of Now" ?
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Postby Webwanderer » Wed May 14, 2014 12:13 am

presenttense wrote:how to overcome a big regret?

Change what this event means to you into something that makes you stronger and freer.

You say you cannot forgive yourself. So long as you maintain this mantra it will keep you in a painful perspective on your life. You don't have to continue to believe this. In a way it's a kind of self-inflicted punishment. You don't have to continue to exact it. You can choose another option - unless of course you believe you can't.

I can call it my big mistake...

...Do you know about the cure for this pain?

Rather than calling it your big mistake, begin to call it your greatest learning experience. Life is forever - in this world or the next. What will you take forward with you in the form of life influencing understandings? Will you choose percspectives of failure and loss? Or will you choose perspectives of learning experiences and growth. You get to decide.

You have the power to choose what any event or condition means to you. Choose wisely and your life will be a joy. Choose negatively and you will more likely live in unnecessary pain and suffering.

There is no inherent meaning in anything. Conditions and events are neutral when it comes to what they mean. All meaning is applied by those conscious of the issues at hand. You have applied a meaning that has brought you pain. Freedom from that pain is as simple as picking a new meaning and holding it in your thinking and awareness until it becomes conditioned in your perspective. That's how the current belief got there, that's how it's replaced with something that brings peace to your experience.

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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby rachMiel » Wed May 14, 2014 4:38 am

presenttense wrote:Do you know about the cure for this pain?

To go through it, all the way, while remaining present. My take, of course.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby presenttense » Wed May 14, 2014 11:35 pm

thank you

There is no inherent meaning in anything. Conditions and events are neutral when it comes to what they mean. All meaning is applied by those conscious of the issues at hand. You have applied a meaning that has brought you pain. Freedom from that pain is as simple as picking a new meaning and holding it in your thinking and awareness until it becomes conditioned in your perspective. That's how the current belief got there, that's how it's replaced with something that brings peace to your experience.


It is really nice, thank you. However, it would take time and consume a big effort to change the meaning applied to it, since it is a common meaning. It is like to be different from each person you know, from the society. I do not understand how I can deny something important to me by changing its meaning. I would like to...for sure, but I cannot see how? The events are not neutral to me. Do you know any practice/exercises/ books for me to understand how it works? Or it is just a decision?
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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby Webwanderer » Thu May 15, 2014 12:17 am

presenttense wrote:I do not understand how I can deny something important to me by changing its meaning. I would like to...for sure, but I cannot see how? The events are not neutral to me. Do you know any practice/exercises/ books for me to understand how it works? Or it is just a decision?

It's not about denial. It's about seeing it from a another, more inclusive perspective. The way you see things now is just one way. You could also focus on how it's made you understand the effects of your actions and that that understanding is a sign of growth. It doesn't deny anything. It simply begins building a new perspective that works for you, helps you in your evolution/expansion of consciousness.

As far as a practice or exercise, just see the truth of it on its most fundamental level. You are an eternal being. This is just one event in an infinite unfolding of events. Choose to make the best possible use of all that happens in your life and recognize that clarity of being is superior to condemnation and judgment. You simply have to make choices in love of your 'self'. There is nothing you can do that will actually make you less than you are - although you can perceive it so. But why bother when you can live from truth? As the saying goes 'the truth will make you free'.

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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby SandyJoy » Thu May 15, 2014 2:33 am

One thing that might be helpful to remember is that at the time you certainly did not think "well, here is a decision I must make and I think I will choose the wrong choice." I mean, no one ever says "i'll choose the wrong choice and go on to wallow in regret, yes,that will what I will do in this situation" -- We always try to make the correct choice, always. we cannot know which choice is right, but we do try to make the right one-- always. Therefore, you cannot blame your self-- your heart was in the right place, doing what you thought you should. Good, you are good.

Point being, you did what you thought was right at the time. And, now you are choosing to feel bad about your choice. Now you are choosing regret rather than Joy. And one day you will look back and say "wow, I spent so much time in my regret, I missed out so much" Perhaps if you are full of Joy and Light and Happiness, something will come along more easily and readily that will be even better-- even better. Maybe you are on the road to something More and More Magical-- but you have to bring yourself Up to the Light so that what comes to you is Beauty and Love and Joy--because those things always 'bring the same level" as you are--- You will see what you be. Everyone loves to be loved and If you are That Love, then you will find Eveything Is That Love in your life-- and a very special person, or job, or direction will come along and bring you the Very Same Light that You are--

And when you are That Love, everything Is Love--everyone and everything thing -- It is true. It is Magic

You just watch and see. You just make the choice now to be the Love you want to see-- and you will see It. But, be prepared for it to be in a whole new and wonderful and expansive and growing way for you-- an endless road of Light and Joy is awaiting you.

Trust Life, because no matter what decisions we make, Life is going to be the one that Shows Up just the way it does. Who know what could have or would have happened it chose what you think would have been the 'right choice'--- That might have lead you to 'god knows where" in reality. and In your imagination you think it would have been perfection-- but we do not really know that.

Life is always throwing us curve balls, we just get to enjoy playing catch and finding the best way to run with it-- In total Joy and playful delight!

Besides, we get a million chances to do the right thing. And the Really Right Thing is how you live, how you deal with what ever Life brings to you.

And really, we think we make the choices, but maybe we really do not-- maybe we could have only gone the way it went-- maybe it is all by devine decree -- and if that is the case, then the way it went was and Is Divinely Unfolding -- Trust, trust, trust --- Trust the Power of Love which is Life Itself. It knows exactly what you are in need of and it knows how to get you there--

You are doing fine-- you did the right thing -- there is no other thing you could have done-- not really.

Love Life and Love the ones you love and love the choices and Love yourself and Love It all--- You will begin to see the Light Shine for you -- and the future will be the the Light You Are --- and someone wonderful will see your Light and you will fall in love again, or find the perfect job or situation, or whatever you long for-- and all things will good, because YOU are Good.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby presenttense » Fri May 16, 2014 7:51 pm

thank you all.

SandyJoy what you wrote is beautiful and I know you are right.

I begged God help me to achieve my plans, everything was so much loved by me. I waited so many days, years. I believed every minute that things would be ok. I left all others goals in order to sustain my will.
Maybe I did the right thing at the time… I do not know.
But I do not have energy to waiste or believe in anything else…I think I used all energy and faith was provided to me in my entire life, at least it is what I feel now.

What remains now?
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Re: how to overcome a big regret?

Postby SandyJoy » Fri May 16, 2014 9:02 pm

Faith is Life Itself-- It is Infinite--It is the Very essence of What Is, Life is 'made of Faith' -- We are Living Faith -- that anything actually exists is the very fact and action of God's Knowing Light--which Is Faith really.

You cannot get faith -- Faith is not a 'thing' we do or have-- It is your very existence. It never leaves you. You cannot put an end to Faith. You can try, but you will still exist and that is the fact and act of God-- not of you. You can Trust that this is true and then you will see that you are Faith Itself.

It is not up to you to waste or believe-- Faith is unending Life Itself. I wonder, had you taken what came to you through all that faith and wanting, do you think you'd be happy now? Your happiness does not depend on the situations you find yourself in, and really, everyday is an opportunity to live with a joyful and thankful attitude. That 'thing' that you wanted is not everlasting --nothing here in this time-space arena is-- as much as you might have loved that 'thing' for even 50 years of your life, one day, one way or another it ends.

But the Timeless Changeless Presence of your True Identity goes on and does not change even when the scene appears to change. Find that Living Eternal Light of Your Self and then you won't 'need' things to be your way--- Then, I must tell you, with your Heart wide open to Life Itself, you step into the Holy Sweetness and the Magic happens and things do go exactly in ways that you can be full of Wonder and Joy at the Way this Love Unfolds-- always befitting what you need.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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