inferiority feelings

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Sun Aug 17, 2014 8:56 pm

Hi Everyone,

I don't know how to start and to demonstrate what I feel about it, but I will try.
This is an old feeling, but I don't think it was really a problem in the old years. Maybe in the last years the condition was accentuated, maybe because I am getting older and nothing changed.
I am start to feeling I am not an interesting person. Although I pretend I am happy with my life condition...I'm very sad.
Interestingly, people around me think the same about me. Even pretending Im ok, people treats me like nothing...they talk to me differently from other people, they dont respect me. And this behavior from others happens since the first time I met someone. It is natural, they do not know me and they treat me particularly different from others. It is visible.
I am good looking, not perfect, but Im fine... I was always working in good places. I studied in the best university in my country. Actually, these things are not important to me, but I do not understand why people do not respect me and treat me like an a "poor woman".

In relationships, I don't know what to do anymore. Every guy I met, dont treat me cordially, and they always "choose" other girl. And of course, who I am to judge and I do not want to do this...but sometimes these other girls are nothing different from me...I mean, we do or like the same things, etc...
I just would like to know how others can see my image. I think I do not know how to show myself. Others dont see me deeply..Sometimes I think others see a different person inside me. I pull people away from me.

I have one particular "problem"...I never considered it a problem, but now, I think this can be the reason and I would like to hear what you think about it.

I am a very honest person, but this honesty is about my feelings. I always talk about how I feel. I cannot control it, so if i like one person, in a relationship, I will tell I like him..I cannot pretend my feelings...

For me, to be honest about my feelings is the big issue. I've tried to be quiet about it, to not talk about it sometimes, but it kills me inside. I need to talk about what I feel, I need to be honest it is something uncontrolable...and I hate it. Because most of people do not believe in me, the last person I met, thought I was pretending my feelings,
I feel so bad with myself because I would never lie something like that, and he does not believe me...and he was not the first :(
Maybe, I do not know how to show my feelings in a correct way...but i cannot see it. I have some real friends who knows me so well and they do not see what is wrong also. But they are very few people, most of people do not see me...

I would like to ask what to do to show others the person you are and you want to be?

sorry for my english

thank you very much
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Phil2 » Sun Aug 17, 2014 10:03 pm

maristan wrote:I am good looking, not perfect, but Im fine... I was always working in good places. I studied in the best university in my country. Actually, these things are not important to me, but I do not understand why people do not respect me and treat me like an a "poor woman".


Maybe you are a "beggar of affection" ... in this case you are indeed "poor" ... people generally don't like those who are too emotionally or psychologically dependant ... they call them 'sticky' persons ...

If this is the case you should learn to be independant ... Eckhart said you are complete by yourself, you need nobody to complete you ... stop begging other's attention and affection ... learn to walk alone ... can you face aloneness ?
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Mon Aug 18, 2014 2:48 am

Phil2 wrote:learn to walk alone ... can you face aloneness ?


I am always alone, all my life...
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:09 am

maristan wrote:
Phil2 wrote:learn to walk alone ... can you face aloneness ?


I am always alone, all my life...


Yes, and do you enjoy it ? ... or do you make a 'problem' of aloneness ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby alex » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:53 am

I sense that you don't accept yourself as you are my dear. If you don't accept yourself then there is no openness and no joy flowing from your being.
Can you make it ok to be uninteresting? Practice just being totally ok with it. Can you hold yourself ever so gently in tender acceptance? Can you let yourself be exactly as you are?
If it is in the area of relationships you are experiencing the most pain then I can highly recommend Byron Katie as a teacher. She has many books, try reading 'Loving What Is'.
Love x
alex
 
Posts: 557
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:28 am

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Aug 18, 2014 9:00 pm

maristan wrote:I've tried to be quiet about it, to not talk about it sometimes, but it kills me inside. I need to talk about what I feel, I need to be honest it is something uncontrolable...and I hate it.

We radiate an energy that reflects who we are. Powerful neediness is a relationship killing energy attribute. People usually pick this up even if they can't exactly define it. Honesty, generally speaking, is a good thing. It can however, be problematic if circumstances don't warrant what one is being honest about.

I agree with the comments above that until you find your own power and the joy of your own being, that neediness is going to influence people to shy away. Of course you may find someone who is also needy and willing to overlook yours, but there is risk in codependent relationships as well.

What are you afraid of that it is so painful in not talking about your feelings? Aren't the feelings themselves valuable enough to you without having to share them with others? Everyone has their own feelings. What makes yours so important that they have to be shared? Is it a need that someone feel deeply for you? Are your expressions of your feelings a not so subtle request for the feelings of another? So often the statement "I love you" is a veiled request that the one spoken to is being asked for the same stated sentiment in return. 'I love you' means 'do you love me'. This may not be specifically relevant to your circumstances but it's worth considering if you feel so strongly about the need to talk about your feelings. What do you want in return?

There's no indictment here, or even a criticism. It's simply an opportunity to explore what makes your life experience the way it is. These issues are causing you pain. Explore your emotions. What makes you feel good in your thoughts, and what makes you feel pain? It's a life long process. Focus on those thought/perspectives that bring good feelings, and begin to drop those thought/perspectives that bring you pain. In time you will begin to radiate a more accepting and uplifting energy. People will feel it and respond accordingly. The thing is, it can't matter to you how others respond or it's not real, it's only pretense.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6148
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:04 am

Phil2 wrote:
Yes, and do you enjoy it ? ... or do you make a 'problem' of aloneness ?

??


I don't think so...in the beggining it was not a problem, I was fine.
Now it is not good anymore. I would like to have this experience in my life, it is something I wish, and it is something that happens to all people, at least once in a life...
Sometimes one person decide to travel, or to learn an idiom, or when a couple decide to have a baby...a huge number of examples of different experiences, I would like to find someone al least to spend some time with me. It is very simple for people in general, but for me it is something extremely difficult. I do not understand why.

alex wrote:I sense that you don't accept yourself as you are my dear. If you don't accept yourself then there is no openness and no joy flowing from your being.
Can you make it ok to be uninteresting? Practice just being totally ok with it. Can you hold yourself ever so gently in tender acceptance? Can you let yourself be exactly as you are?
If it is in the area of relationships you are experiencing the most pain then I can highly recommend Byron Katie as a teacher. She has many books, try reading 'Loving What Is'.
Love x


Thank you Alex, I will check this book.
Actually I like myself :), but as I do not understand the difficulty to find someone who accept me as I am, I start to compare me with the other girls ( I know this is not good nor correct) but I am always trying to find the reason why these wishes do not happen with me.


Webwanderer wrote:We radiate an energy that reflects who we are. Powerful neediness is a relationship killing energy attribute. People usually pick this up even if they can't exactly define it. Honesty, generally speaking, is a good thing. It can however, be problematic if circumstances don't warrant what one is being honest about.


Do you mean, (in my case) it can be a problem because it is not the correct time or situation to show your real feelings?


Webwanderer wrote:
What are you afraid of that it is so painful in not talking about your feelings? Aren't the feelings themselves valuable enough to you without having to share them with others? Everyone has their own feelings. What makes yours so important that they have to be shared? Is it a need that someone feel deeply for you? Are your expressions of your feelings a not so subtle request for the feelings of another? So often the statement "I love you" is a veiled request that the one spoken to is being asked for the same stated sentiment in return. 'I love you' means 'do you love me'. This may not be specifically relevant to your circumstances but it's worth considering if you feel so strongly about the need to talk about your feelings. What do you want in return?


Thank you WW.
I never thought about it as you said above.
But what happens is , Im afraid if I do not show my real feelings the other cannot understand me and think I am not interested...for example. I prefer to show what I am feeling...I think if the person is really interested it would not be a bad thing, but the fact is that people do not believe in what I am talking about. One of the persons I most liked in my life thought I was interested in what he could provide me (material things) and for me this is the last thing I would see in one person...
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:04 am

maristan wrote:Do you mean, (in my case) it can be a problem because it is not the correct time or situation to show your real feelings?

Timing matters when clarity matters. Is the person you are relating to more receptive in one moment than another? I know I am. Do you know the person (and they you) well enough for an intimate, deeply felt, discussion? If someone is not ready to hear you, it may not go well, and your point will not be perceived.

But what happens is , Im afraid if I do not show my real feelings the other cannot understand me and think I am not interested...for example. I prefer to show what I am feeling...I think if the person is really interested it would not be a bad thing, but the fact is that people do not believe in what I am talking about. One of the persons I most liked in my life thought I was interested in what he could provide me (material things) and for me this is the last thing I would see in one person...


My sense is that in new relationships it is at least as important to be interesting as interested. By showing your interest too overtly and too soon, it kind of forces the party you are interested in to make a decision whether or not to continue interacting with you. It goes something like: 'This person is showing interest. Is that where I want to go? Do I want it to go further? Do I know what I getting myself into?' Red flags start to fly.

Here's my take, it's better to attract a person with opportunity, than to embrace them with emotional intimacy before there is recognizable mutual interest in such. Opportunity? By this I mean opportunity to get to know each other. Find out who each other are, what each other does, what you like, what interests each have and share. Telling someone your deepest feelings can be burdensome if that person is not yet on equal footing. It feels like they are being asked for a commitment. And most people value their freedom.

And besides, we know. We know when the chemistry is flowing. We know by how two people can look into each others eyes - the feeling of excitement that accompanies such a sharing look. There is a great deal of communication in the integrity of eye contact. Even this can be forced however. If someone cannot hold your gaze, it simply says they are not ready to do so. If this is the case, laying some heavy feelings on them is not likely to make it better.

But all this is just general information. Each situation is unique and it's more important for you to know who you are and to be secure in your own skin. You have a right to freedom of being, and when you feel that, you also realize that everyone else does too.

It's a beautiful thing when two people come together in a mutually free and understanding relationship. Don't rush it with talk of deep feelings before it's time. If you feel something for someone, just enjoy the feeling. There is no need to intentionally try to create a bond. Let it unfold. You can show someone you care in ways beyond words. A warm hug and friendly smile can say a lot.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6148
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Phil2 » Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:14 am

maristan wrote:
Phil2 wrote:
Yes, and do you enjoy it ? ... or do you make a 'problem' of aloneness ?

??


I don't think so...in the beggining it was not a problem, I was fine.
Now it is not good anymore. I would like to have this experience in my life, it is something I wish, and it is something that happens to all people, at least once in a life...
Sometimes one person decide to travel, or to learn an idiom, or when a couple decide to have a baby...a huge number of examples of different experiences, I would like to find someone al least to spend some time with me. It is very simple for people in general, but for me it is something extremely difficult. I do not understand why.



Well, it seems that your 'need' for attention and affection might be the one main obstacle ... as WW said above "people value their freedom" and your urgency to hook others can be frightening for most people and turn them away ...

First of all recognize that your are complete by yourself and that you need nobody to 'complete' you (read Eckhart Tolle about this) ... if you start from a 'need' you become a 'beggar' and you will only receive 'charity' ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Wed Aug 20, 2014 2:54 am

I think I scare people...
I'm ashamed...I wish i could explain it to one particular person ...But it is not possible anymore. He would never listening to me again.

Thank you, this was really important to me. I was not seeing how I was showing myself...
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Phil2 » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:56 am

maristan wrote:I think I scare people...
I'm ashamed...I wish i could explain it to one particular person ...But it is not possible anymore. He would never listening to me again.

Thank you, this was really important to me. I was not seeing how I was showing myself...


Well maristan, it is important to see (and accept) things as they are ... but shame and suffering are optional ... be kind and gentle with yourself, every one on this planet has some kind of problems, we are the result of our education, environment, culture, beliefs etc. our 'conditioning' ... but the good news is that we can free ourselves from this conditioning but this requires non-judgemental attention and observation ... do not judge yourself and do not judge others ... things are just as they are ... you are not responsible for that ... but do not add more disorder with judgements and negative self-destructive thoughts ... but rather think that you are 'perfect' as you are ...

I would really recommend you to read the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz (a pdf version can be found for free on Internet also the audio version available on youtube here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zj8eQoswcQ
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:44 am

Thank you Phil2
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby maristan » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:07 pm

I think I never did something good for other person...Thinking about everything in the past I cannot see something good I have done
I was always thinking about myself. Maybe the good things i have done I was thinking about what I would receive in return...

Maybe this is why I do not receive what I want now?
Why I would receive it if I was not helpful to others?

I was always dreaming with my life, how it would be, and I never paid attention on others peoples life. Yes, I feel sorry for o lot of people suffering, but what I did to help others? Nothing...At least nothing without an intention, an intention for being recognized, or waiting for something in return..

Now I can see some people had suffered for some reasons I thought was not important and I did not give attention to them in the right moment, because I was immersed in my own feelings and wishes. Now I know that they were suffering as I am now.

I do not know if I deserve something good...why I would deserve it? I always considered myself a nice person, because I did nothing to harm others, but I did nothing to help also...so...
maristan
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:10 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Phil2 » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:19 pm

maristan wrote:I do not know if I deserve something good...why I would deserve it? I always considered myself a nice person, because I did nothing to harm others, but I did nothing to help also...so...


No, no, there is no need for such negative thoughts about yourself ... don't add more suffering to your life ...

The key is to do the best you can in every situation you are in ... and stop complaining and whining on yourself (this is the first 'agreement' : "be impeccable with your word") ...

Read the Four Agreements, this is crystal clearly explained in this book ... break the cycle of unconsciousness and negativity ... and live fully in the now ...

Here's a summary of the Four Agreements:

http://www.humanpotentialunlimited.com/ ... ntent.html
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: inferiority feelings

Postby Webwanderer » Fri Aug 22, 2014 5:20 pm

maristan wrote:I do not know if I deserve something good...why I would deserve it?

For the same reason anyone 'deserves' good in life (love and well-being). It's not because of what we've done, it's because of who we are. We are extensions of God's/Source's/The Infinite's very own Being. There is no greater measure of our worth - and that is more than enough.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6148
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Next

Return to Pain and Suffering

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest