The real secret is to accept all things?

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby maristan » Thu Sep 04, 2014 12:59 am

The real secret is to accept all things?

The more you complain about your life, the worse it gets.
I never thought I would receive another painful experience, even worse than the last difficult moment in my life.
life is always surprising me with something difficult.
I am accepting, these unexplained pains I receive, they destroy all my strength.

I gave up now on my ideas of happiness...I don't believe that things will change. I think I need to learn to survive with painful experiences.

All I have to do is accept, what else should I do?
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Onceler » Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:34 am

I would say that the real secret is to look at and feel who you truly are. Trying to accept things as they are before this happens caused pain and frustration in my personal experience.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Phil2 » Thu Sep 04, 2014 8:04 am

Onceler wrote:I would say that the real secret is to look at and feel who you truly are. Trying to accept things as they are before this happens caused pain and frustration in my personal experience.


Right, acceptance cannot be another 'trick' of our mind ... this would be another 'repression', another 'protection' coming from our 'defense system' (which is ego) ... we don't really agree but we 'repress' our reactions in order to avoid conflicts, and doing this we become more and more dull ... and joy runs away from our lives ... we lose interest in things ... and this does not lead us to happiness ...

Acceptance must come from a deep understanding that things as they are ('What is') have a good reason to be as they are ... which does not mean that things must necessarily remain as they are forever ... after all nothing is permanent ... so change is the nature of the world ...

When a situation (or another person) irritates us or generates some inner 'stress', this means we have something to learn on ourselves from this situation ... so we need to bring awareness in the present moment ... and in this awareness, the emotional state (or stress) can dissolve ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby KathleenBrugger » Thu Sep 04, 2014 9:05 pm

I think about acceptance in the lines of what Phil wrote. Acceptance doesn't mean fatalism, where you just resign yourself to what's happening. Acceptance means recognizing the way things are in this moment of now, and giving up any delusions that things are/should be different than they are right now. When you think about it, acceptance is synonymous with sanity: this is the way it is in this moment.

But accepting what is doesn't mean we become a doormat or do nothing to change the circumstances. In fact, I think coming from a posture of acceptance makes us more effective in our actions, because we are starting from the way things really are. When we're living in some fantasy world of our own imagining, and not accepting the way it is, how can our actions in the world be anything but ineffectual?

Imagine a hypothetical situation: I can't find anyone to have a relationship with. The reality is that I have bad hygiene habits and that keeps people away. Instead of accepting the reality that my hygiene is the problem--people should accept me the way I am--I blame outside circumstances: men are jerks, city life is so lonely, etc. The moment when I accept that I'm creating the problem by not showering, I have the key to the solution at my fingertips.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby tod » Fri Sep 05, 2014 2:21 am

maristan wrote:All I have to do is accept, what else should I do?

Hi Maristan. This is as far as I have got:

Observe your mind and see how it 'pulls or puts you into situations' by imagining/thinking you are someone situated somewhere. All situations being mental ones - there being no world outside the mind.

Once you have achieved enough stability to observe the mind you will notice that you have enough space so that you are not lost in the mind all the time. You can now start allowing both your internal and external circumstances to be as they are, or to 'sort themselves out'.

You notice that as you allow yourself to be sorted out (ie the mind to be clarified), that things 'out there' are being sorted out, there being no essential difference between what is inside and what is outside, and thus no thing to do any acceptance and no thing to accept as all mental content has been essentially clarified of any essential nature.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:00 am

KathleenBrugger wrote:I think about acceptance in the lines of what Phil wrote. Acceptance doesn't mean fatalism, where you just resign yourself to what's happening. Acceptance means recognizing the way things are in this moment of now, and giving up any delusions that things are/should be different than they are right now. When you think about it, acceptance is synonymous with sanity: this is the way it is in this moment.

But accepting what is doesn't mean we become a doormat or do nothing to change the circumstances. In fact, I think coming from a posture of acceptance makes us more effective in our actions, because we are starting from the way things really are. When we're living in some fantasy world of our own imagining, and not accepting the way it is, how can our actions in the world be anything but ineffectual?

Imagine a hypothetical situation: I can't find anyone to have a relationship with. The reality is that I have bad hygiene habits and that keeps people away. Instead of accepting the reality that my hygiene is the problem--people should accept me the way I am--I blame outside circumstances: men are jerks, city life is so lonely, etc. The moment when I accept that I'm creating the problem by not showering, I have the key to the solution at my fingertips.


Good points Kathleen. Not to mention that there are also many people with poor hygiene who are unaware that they have poor hygiene and as a result live their live with a certain set of beliefs as a result of their bad hygiene, not realizing that much of it stems from their bad hygiene, ironically. For example, I recently went on a couple of dates with a female who had very foul body odor and was completely unaware of it, and she told me that she had a very tough time keeping men around as they always seemed to 'run away'. As a result, she had a very negative perception of relationships and dating and even men. She even wrote a book detailing the difficulty in meeting men. Of course, I later figured, her problems with men, were likely due to her body odor sadly which was never brought to her attention. Just imagine how tough it likely is for someone in her shoes to accept the reality of her situation after the unconscious beliefs she has already manifested her reality with up until this point.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby KathleenBrugger » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:59 am

Enlightened2B wrote:
KathleenBrugger wrote:I think about acceptance in the lines of what Phil wrote. Acceptance doesn't mean fatalism, where you just resign yourself to what's happening. Acceptance means recognizing the way things are in this moment of now, and giving up any delusions that things are/should be different than they are right now. When you think about it, acceptance is synonymous with sanity: this is the way it is in this moment.

But accepting what is doesn't mean we become a doormat or do nothing to change the circumstances. In fact, I think coming from a posture of acceptance makes us more effective in our actions, because we are starting from the way things really are. When we're living in some fantasy world of our own imagining, and not accepting the way it is, how can our actions in the world be anything but ineffectual?

Imagine a hypothetical situation: I can't find anyone to have a relationship with. The reality is that I have bad hygiene habits and that keeps people away. Instead of accepting the reality that my hygiene is the problem--people should accept me the way I am--I blame outside circumstances: men are jerks, city life is so lonely, etc. The moment when I accept that I'm creating the problem by not showering, I have the key to the solution at my fingertips.


Good points Kathleen. Not to mention that there are also many people with poor hygiene who are unaware that they have poor hygiene and as a result live their live with a certain set of beliefs as a result of their bad hygiene, not realizing that much of it stems from their bad hygiene, ironically. For example, I recently went on a couple of dates with a female who had very foul body odor and was completely unaware of it, and she told me that she had a very tough time keeping men around as they always seemed to 'run away'. As a result, she had a very negative perception of relationships and dating and even men. She even wrote a book detailing the difficulty in meeting men. Of course, I later figured, her problems with men, were likely due to her body odor sadly which was never brought to her attention. Just imagine how tough it likely is for someone in her shoes to accept the reality of her situation after the unconscious beliefs she has already manifested her reality with up until this point.

That is so fascinating! I made up that hypothetical based solely on a stray comment an acquaintance had made recently about wanting to improve her hygiene.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 9:29 am

KathleenBrugger wrote:I think about acceptance in the lines of what Phil wrote. Acceptance doesn't mean fatalism, where you just resign yourself to what's happening. Acceptance means recognizing the way things are in this moment of now, and giving up any delusions that things are/should be different than they are right now. When you think about it, acceptance is synonymous with sanity: this is the way it is in this moment.

But accepting what is doesn't mean we become a doormat or do nothing to change the circumstances. In fact, I think coming from a posture of acceptance makes us more effective in our actions, because we are starting from the way things really are. When we're living in some fantasy world of our own imagining, and not accepting the way it is, how can our actions in the world be anything but ineffectual?


Right, any action arising from acceptance of 'what is' is much more effective than an action arising out of resistance (eg. emotional reactions like anger, hate etc.) ... because there is no waste of energy lost in such 'negativity' and resistance ... this is also why what you resist persists, any action out of resistance is ultimately ineffective (though might have some 'short-term' effects generating conflicts and violence, even wars) ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 11:37 am

KathleenBrugger wrote:Imagine a hypothetical situation: I can't find anyone to have a relationship with. The reality is that I have bad hygiene habits and that keeps people away. Instead of accepting the reality that my hygiene is the problem--people should accept me the way I am--I blame outside circumstances: men are jerks, city life is so lonely, etc. The moment when I accept that I'm creating the problem by not showering, I have the key to the solution at my fingertips.


Well, seems there is a double problem there, one is obvious, the other maybe not so obvious for most people:

1) lack of hygiene

2) need for relationships ...

Why do people so badly need 'relationships' ? Is it so difficult for them to face aloneness ? Is their life so empty ? or do their thoughts torture them when they stay alone ... unable to face their pain ... ?

This reminds me this quote from Blaise Pascal (also quoted by Eckhart in his talks):

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby karmarider » Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:41 pm

My understanding of acceptance gelled with this bit of wisdom:

Acceptance is not something you do. It's something you stop doing. You stop resisting.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:59 pm

karmarider wrote:My understanding of acceptance gelled with this bit of wisdom:

Acceptance is not something you do. It's something you stop doing. You stop resisting.


Excellent, acceptance means no resistance to 'what is' ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby rachMiel » Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:03 pm

Phil2 wrote:Why do people so badly need 'relationships' ? Is it so difficult for them to face aloneness ? Is their life so empty ? or do their thoughts torture them when they stay alone ... unable to face their pain ... ?

Would you ask the same thing of crows?

Why does that crow over there feel a powerful drive to belong to a group of fellow crows? Is its life empty? Is it unable to face its pain?

Some animals are social by nature. Humans, for example. It's in our DNA.
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby rachMiel » Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:10 pm

karmarider wrote:Acceptance is not something you do. It's something you stop doing. You stop resisting.

Nice.

I had a similar Aha! a while back. I was wondering what I had to do to experience pure awareness. I tried lots of stuff, with little success ... and then it hit me that it wasn't something I had to do, it's something I had to stop doing: forming a concept of pure awareness and striving to move towards it. This conceptualization and striving generate a psychic noise that masks the quietness of awareness.

Via negativa, baybey! Neti neti! :-)
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:58 pm

rachMiel wrote:
Phil2 wrote:Why do people so badly need 'relationships' ? Is it so difficult for them to face aloneness ? Is their life so empty ? or do their thoughts torture them when they stay alone ... unable to face their pain ... ?

Would you ask the same thing of crows?

Why does that crow over there feel a powerful drive to belong to a group of fellow crows? Is its life empty? Is it unable to face its pain?

Some animals are social by nature. Humans, for example. It's in our DNA.


So we are doomed to eternally run the ones after the others then ...

:lol:
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Re: The real secret is to accept all things?

Postby Enlightened2B » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:24 pm

I wouldn't say we're doomed although I know Phil referenced it in jest. I agree with Rachmiel that the human DNA does play a role. Consider that your nature as Awareness/Source or whatever you'd like to call it is that which has no desires/needs, but the inhabiting of a human body allows Source the ability to want/need just like a human. Desire is a human need, not that of the soul/Source. However, perhaps that's part of the purpose here in these human bodies, to experience all human emotions. Because we are BEING...human, we experience what the human body experiences and its primal needs. Nanci Danison explains this very thoroughly in her interpretation of her experience in the difference between the Soul being and the human animal. Something to consider perhaps.
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