Answering to love with pain

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Answering to love with pain

Postby presenttense » Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:45 pm

I was reading something about a relationship and one of the participants described that the pain is how we react to love, that actually love is always love, pain is a reaction not related to real love.

I am thinking about it and it is applicable in my life. Everytime I am in love (or I think I am in love), I can feel some kind of pain related to it, even before the relationship happens. Since the beggining.
Do you think I am responding to love with pain?
How can I stop this?

Maybe I do not know what love is? After reading it I do not know anymore.

Love is something with no pain even if it is not reciprocated? Even if the other person hurts you, if you feel some kind of pain, it means that it is not a real love?
presenttense
 
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Re: Answering to love with pain

Postby Phil2 » Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:20 am

presenttense wrote:I was reading something about a relationship and one of the participants described that the pain is how we react to love, that actually love is always love, pain is a reaction not related to real love.

I am thinking about it and it is applicable in my life. Everytime I am in love (or I think I am in love), I can feel some kind of pain related to it, even before the relationship happens. Since the beggining.
Do you think I am responding to love with pain?
How can I stop this?



Probably you mix love with some kind of 'possessivity' ... which means you try to 'secure' your relationship ... then immediately appears the fear to lose something, because there is no security in any relationship ... in true love you must be ready to accept the 'impermanence' of your relationships ... just let what comes come, and what goes go ... your partner is free and does not 'belong to you' ... your cannot make him/her 'yours' ... however this will be difficult for you as long as you think that you 'need' a partner ... this very idea must be dropped ... as Eckhart said "you need nobody to complete you" ... then you can freely enjoy what comes and let go what goes ... you don't resist the flow of life any more ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: Answering to love with pain

Postby presenttense » Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:55 am

Thank you Phil..

sorry for my silly questions.

I have another doubt about what I feel towards some kind of people.

I feel uncomfortable with people who have a big ego and who wants to show themselves to others. Like people who are always showing a super happiness to others. I know that it is also my ego reacting to other egos.....:)

How different the "egos" can be......I feel very good in presence of calm people. Not extremely happy nor very sad...

I would like to ask you how do you react when in contact with these extremes, very sad/negative or very enthusiastic/happy people?
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Re: Answering to love with pain

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 19, 2014 8:48 am

presenttense wrote:
I would like to ask you how do you react when in contact with these extremes, very sad/negative or very enthusiastic/happy people?


When you remain in 'presence' and 'inhabit your body', then you are no more so much influenced by others' moods ...

There is an interesting concept in Buddhism called 'equanimity' ... you remain in the same state of mind in all situations ...

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same ..."


(IF - Rudyard Kipling)
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175772
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: Answering to love with pain

Postby presenttense » Fri Sep 19, 2014 4:50 pm

Thank you Phil,
really nice poem..

you remain in the same state of mind in all situations ...

a dream for me...maybe one day :)
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