freedompresence wrote:....but why do I have to be like this...
I suspect it's because you don't have good feel for who you really are. The good news is you don't 'have' to be this way. We have lots of beliefs and concepts and identifiers for who we are, but it's a clear 'feel
' for who we are that helps us create a preferable experience of our life. Beliefs, concepts and identifiers are manifestations in their own right, but a clear feel for our actual being, unencumbered with adopted thought constructs, brings our natural vibration of source consciousness and being to the fore.
We are eternal life expressions exploring a temporary life conditions for the purpose of evolution of that greater consciousness and being. It is through consistent opening to the clarity and feel of our true nature that the accumulated BS of human life gives way to that greater perspective.
It seems apparent that you, like most of us at one time in our life, are simply caught in an entrainment of misaligned thought constructs. These are obviously causing you a lot of concern, and rightly so. Experiencing life this way sucks. The way out, and into a much more manageable and enjoyable life, is to make a permanent choice to ever 'feel
' your way to your true nature and being. It won't necessarily change over night, but in time the positive change will be profound.
This is likely going to be a back and forth thing for some time where you will think it's not working, I'm screwed up, there's something wrong with me, and a whole host of crap that an established misalignment can claim. It's BS. The truth will
set you free but you have to have an affinity for it, and that comes through our willingness to feel it out. You are not your thoughts. You are Source's very on consciousness and being expressed through an exploratory life form in this physical reality. Take the long view and constantly choose for your true nature.
It's not just a mental thing however. It's a felt reality
that underlies and transcends whatever challenging life experience you currently have going. It's a choice. It's your choice. But you have to choose today, tomorrow, everyday. In time a new paradigm and momentum will emerge. Then it will be a new life experience that has its own energy, an energy that will bring more joy and happiness to your life. But don't simply try,choose for it.