A discussion community revolving around Eckhart Tolle but not limited to him
Clouded wrote:Ever since I have stopped taking my daily medication, I experience out of proportion anger at whoever I perceive as disrespectful towards me. I shout at people and restrain myself from shouting profanities and have vivid thoughts of hurting people and getting my revenge (but I end up hurting myself and letting others get off the hook). People have been taking advantage of me, and I don't want to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I don't exist to serve others, I have to think about my needs too. I have tried to be calm and assertive, but it doesn't work and that makes me furious because what am I to do, smile and gladly let others use me for their own benefit?
The main reason why I took medication is that it makes me feel numb when life is being unfair to me. I don't like feeling angry, I don't like upsetting others, but I don't like being used either. Anger seems to be the easiest emotion for me to experience and the hardest to let go of. I don't want to be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life but it seems that I need it to be a functioning member of society.
the key master wrote:In what way is life treating you unfairly? In what way are you treating life unfairly? Do you notice any parallels or projection tendencies you were previously not conscious of?
Clouded wrote:the key master wrote:In what way is life treating you unfairly? In what way are you treating life unfairly? Do you notice any parallels or projection tendencies you were previously not conscious of?
Life is treating me unfairly because I make an effort to be kind to others and that kindness is not returned back at me. Life doesn't want me to be happy because it keeps throwing crap at me and if ignore it, I'll just be covered in crap and that is not how I want people to see me and treat me.
I am treating life unfairly because I am not living to the fullest, rare were the times when I was truly happy with it. I know that I always have something to complain about, but some very shitty things were done to me and I can't just brush it off like it doesn't matter that I am hurting, like I don't matter even to myself. I have good intentions and try to help others to the best of my abilities and then I end up doing other people's work and they get credit for it. That is unfair to me; I lose sleep working on a project that is meant to be done with a teammate and they go out to have fun, I want to have fun too but I can't because my grades are too important to me. This makes my blood boil, I have good reasons to be mad, I do not understand how people cannot feel guilty for using a person like that, people just seem to ignore my feelings because my feelings are not important to them.
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