health complications

[meetjoeblack]

For those who may be interested, they can read the link I put in the other post. Also, the links in my signature will provide more info on Vedanta in general.

Thanks. I will have a look at it. Reading Reality Transurfing, it brought attention to "space of variation." Ecky does the same pointing out finding presence between each word he says. Its all really fascinating. I liked the points.

I had a very strange yet enlightening experience. I was concerned about a health concern. Once it was brought to my attention that the concerns were unfounded, I found myself in random spurts of laughter. I probably looked like a crazy person. I felt free. Shortly afterward, typical life kicks into full gear. And I am back.

[meetjoeblack]

@ dijmart, given your life experiences, the pain be it ego or physical, mental or other; what made you have children? I am not so sure I will. I sometimes wonder if the greatest gift I can offer them is sparing them the hardship.

[dijmart]

@ dijmart, given your life experiences, the pain be it ego or physical, mental or other; what made you have children? I am not so sure I will. I sometimes wonder if the greatest gift I can offer them is sparing them the hardship.

Interesting question...

The reason I decided to have a child when I did (pregnant at 21, after being married for only 4 months) was greatly influence by my neurologist at the time. He said start your family "now", don't wait, we don't know what course your MS will take and the future is uncertain until you've had MS for at least 5 years. Meaning, he couldnt tell at the time if the type of MS was relapsing-remitting or chronic progressive.

He told me that I would be a high risk pregnancy and it would be better for my body to do it at a younger age, as MS tends to abate during pregnancy, but exacerbate after delivery. This did indeed wind up to be what happened. I got optic neuritis when my son was a few months old and went blind in my left eye for 6 weeks.

So, basically, I felt I wanted a child (at some point) and was told if that was the case I needed to do it soon, so I did.

I put no thought into it but that...and that's the truth.

If you meet someone who you love, then marry, you may want kids with them..you never know or maybe not, but I wouldnt make your decision about it right now. Why burden yourself about it now? You know...

[meetjoeblack]

Interesting question...

The reason I decided to have a child when I did (pregnant at 21, after being married for only 4 months) was greatly influence by my neurologist at the time. He said start your family "now", don't wait, we don't know what course your MS will take and the future is uncertain until you've had MS for at least 5 years. Meaning, he couldnt tell at the time if the type of MS was relapsing-remitting or chronic progressive.

Do you know now (if you are open to share)? I know some people that had it and its genetic and progressive the sort she has. For some reason, it seems women are more prone? I do not know why?

He told me that I would be a high risk pregnancy and it would be better for my body to do it at a younger age, as MS tends to abate during pregnancy, but exacerbate after delivery. This did indeed wind up to be what happened. I got optic neuritis when my son was a few months old and went blind in my left eye for 6 weeks.

OMG. That is crazy. I hear type 1 diabetes has effects on the eye too. Health seems to be so fragile. I am fascinated you were told to have kids sooner. Now a days, the collect bubble suggests waiting and being a career woman. How would the college get money if people focused on other things?

So, basically, I felt I wanted a child (at some point) and was told if that was the case I needed to do it soon, so I did.

I put no thought into it but that...and that's the truth.

If you meet someone who you love, then marry, you may want kids with them..you never know or maybe not, but I wouldnt make your decision about it right now. Why burden yourself about it now? You know...

Well, I do not want to ever be a part time parent so, I am very careful about that as I never want kids before marriage. I also find dating to be a tricky process. With things like online dating and so many apps, you would think it would be so much easier. It is a very complicated situation but, I guess, if I was faced with the inability of not having kids (god forbid), I would want it more then anything.

I need my daily dose of motivation. I watched the Fronning documentary on Rich Froonning the Crossfit champ. There was a seen where him and his wife were crying because they could not have kids. They adopted and there was a timeline for when the mother could change their mind. They both broke down when the time past and the child was in theirs (not really but in their care I guess). Pretty awesome stuff.

I also watched the Anthony Robbins break through. He is very raw raw but, very effective.

[dijmart]

Do you know now (if you are open to share)? I know some people that had it and its genetic and progressive the sort she has. For some reason, it seems women are more prone? I do not know why?

I have relapsing-remitting MS. Sometimes with this type you have permanent damage after an attack, but with chronic progressive you just get continually worse and debilitated without true relapses. The only permanent damage I have is the scarring of my optic nerve and the lesions in my brain and spinal cord. These cause issues sometimes without a relapse, but are intermittent in nature.

. I am fascinated you were told to have kids sooner. Now a days, the collect bubble suggests waiting and being a career woman.

First off, I wasn't college bound at that time (I was an EMT, working in an ER), so that didn't apply to me. Second, this was a doctor telling his patient what was best for her health. Who cares about college when you have recently been married, then diagnosed with MS.

I did go to college, but 13 years later, to become a nurse.


Regarding adoption, my sisters child (my niece) is adopted. When my brother in law was going to get his bone marrow transplant (he had leukemia) they froze his sperm. However when they tried to have a child doing in vitro fertilization it didn't work. So, they adopted through the state which was a long, emotional process. They got a 2 day old baby, but didn't get to adopt until the parents rights were eventually terminated when she was 2 yrs old.

[meetjoeblack]

Do you know now (if you are open to share)? I know some people that had it and its genetic and progressive the sort she has. For some reason, it seems women are more prone? I do not know why?

I have relapsing-remitting MS. Sometimes with this type you have permanent damage after an attack, but with chronic progressive you just get continually worse and debilitated without true relapses. The only permanent damage I have is the scarring of my optic nerve and the lesions in my brain and spinal cord. These cause issues sometimes without a relapse, but are intermittent in nature.

. I am fascinated you were told to have kids sooner. Now a days, the collect bubble suggests waiting and being a career woman.

First off, I wasn't college bound at that time (I was an EMT, working in an ER), so that didn't apply to me. Second, this was a doctor telling his patient what was best for her health. Who cares about college when you have recently been married, then diagnosed with MS.

I did go to college, but 13 years later, to become a nurse.


Regarding adoption, my sisters child (my niece) is adopted. When my brother in law was going to get his bone marrow transplant (he had leukemia) they froze his sperm. However when they tried to have a child doing in vitro fertilization it didn't work. So, they adopted through the state which was a long, emotional process. They got a 2 day old baby, but didn't get to adopt until the parents rights were eventually terminated when she was 2 yrs old.

Holy. You and your family experienced quite a bit. That is unreal. I am Blown away. Is this why you found ecky?

I think the technology has gotten better. It is good they adopted. I think it is a great way for couples that cannot have any children. Do you meditate a lot?

[dijmart]

Holy. You and your family experienced quite a bit. That is unreal. I am Blown away. Is this why you found ecky?

Are you calling Eckhart, Ecky? I saw you write that in another post and didn't know who you were referring to until now. .too funny.

I thought I told you, maybe not, it was 6 months after my suicide attempt that I was given "A new Earth" by my sister. She had started reading it and thought it was mind blowing, so she gave me a copy and although we live in different states we read it together, then would discuss it over the phone. I got bit by the spiritual seeker bug more so then she did and have been reading and watching anything with value ever since. Last year went the Vedanta route and the rest is history.

Do you meditate a lot?

If you mean eyes closed, legs crossed, in silence...then no. I'm rarely alone these days, except for when I'm in my office. When I first started I did a type of meditation, where it was somewhat quiet and I would close my eyes, but I wasn't trying to silence the mind, I was using the mind to inquire.

Now a days, I know I'm awareness, so I'm applying that knowledge to my daily life and that's my practice. It can be applied to a thought, emotion, situation, anything. I witness what arises, it's peak and then its decline. What comes, also goes... if it's a sticky thought or habit, then more effort is needed then just witnessing, depends what it is, these often take time to break their hold. In Vedanta they're called Vasanas (ingrained tendencies, habits, etc)... and if you have any that are binding, they should be neutralized. This is my "work" now...

[meetjoeblack]

Are you calling Eckhart, Ecky? I saw you write that in another post and didn't know who you were referring to until now. .too funny.

I thought I told you, maybe not, it was 6 months after my suicide attempt that I was given "A new Earth" by my sister. She had started reading it and thought it was mind blowing, so she gave me a copy and although we live in different states we read it together, then would discuss it over the phone. I got bit by the spiritual seeker bug more so then she did and have been reading and watching anything with value ever since. Last year went the Vedanta route and the rest is history

That is pretty cool. It is "crazy" for me to think you went through all that. You are pretty, you have a good job, a family, what sounds to me as a good life. I am sure it is still challenging. I am taking the advice you gave about enjoying my freedom. I watch a lot of videos online for motivation. One was saying to "be your own soulmate." I heard this before. Once I hear something a few times, it begins to stick, and take root. I am glad you are better now.

If you mean eyes closed, legs crossed, in silence...then no. I'm rarely alone these days, except for when I'm in my office. When I first started I did a type of meditation, where it was somewhat quiet and I would close my eyes, but I wasn't trying to silence the mind, I was using the mind to inquire.

Now a days, I know I'm awareness, so I'm applying that knowledge to my daily life and that's my practice. It can be applied to a thought, emotion, situation, anything. I witness what arises, it's peak and then its decline. What comes, also goes... if it's a sticky thought or habit, then more effort is needed then just witnessing, depends what it is, these often take time to break their hold. In Vedanta they're called Vasanas (ingrained tendencies, habits, etc)... and if you have any that are binding, they should be neutralized. This is my "work" now...

I heard Allan Watts say, the secret to live is to be fully present, engaged in the here and now, and instead of view what you do as work; view it as play. This little gem helps me through tough obstacles, work or just a challenging moment. I have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. Then, there is insecurities, feelings of shame or bad experiences that affect self worth. I am taking the point of being my own soulmate. Its trick at times. Also, with health complications, it sucks as you would know? I wonder to like if I am doing a lot for the better, what is it that makes this happen but then, it is just a thought loop and ego. It makes me mad. Then I let go or I try to lol

[dijmart]

Hi MJB,

It is "crazy" for me to think you went through all that. You are pretty, you have a good job, a family, what sounds to me as a good life.

Thanks, yes, my life is good now, but for whatever reason I had to go through a lot of pain and suffering prior to getting here. I probably wouldn't have awoken if not for all the suffering, so it had its place in the grand scheme of it all. If you look at it from that point of view, then it was worth it. If looked at from the "little me" perspective, then it seems unfair and unjust, but it is what it is. All you can do is move forward. Looking back is a bit odd for me, because although I lived through it all, it doesn't feel like it happened to me. I'm not the same person anymore, I don't think the same as I once did. Actually, im the one observing the one that is thinking.

I am taking the advice you gave about enjoying my freedom. I watch a lot of videos online for motivation. One was saying to "be your own soulmate." I heard this before.

Nice, yeah, there's only "you" really, awareness. Might as well enjoy what you have vs. thinking, I'll be happy when....this, that and the other happens. Some people never learn how to enjoy their own company and always "need" to be with other people or dating someone to feel okay.

I heard Allan Watts say, the secret to life is to be fully present, engaged in the here and now, and instead of view what you do as work; view it as play.

Essentially, you can never not be present and here/now, never. It's just whether or not you understand this...that you, awareness, pervade everything that is within you. That presents itself to you. So, it's your "attention" that needs to shift back and forth from the "person" channel vs the "witness" channel depending on what is happening. Although, at the same time knowing, regardless what channel your attention is focused, you are the very awareness itself that this shifting appears in/to.

I have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. Then, there is insecurities, feelings of shame or bad experiences that affect self worth.

It's thoughs "OH MY GOD!!!!! What IF....." thoughts that can cause anxiety. The ego does this type of thinking, because it thinks it's a limited, little person and has to try to figure every thing out that it's worried about. It starts this with the premise that it's trying to "work out" a problem and before you know it your in full blown panic! There's a certain amount of acceptance that needs to happen when thinking about the future, that we don't actually have "control" of the results of our actions. We can put forth our best efforts to get what we want, but it's not a guarantee we will get it.

I wonder to like if I am doing a lot for the better, what is it that makes this happen but then, it is just a thought loop and ego. It makes me mad. Then I let go or I try to lol

Thought loops happen, just ask Ashley. However, it's deeper then that, it's because you don't really know who you are and what comes with not knowing is insecurities about life and this "apparent" person you are associated with feels like a small, insignificant peon...when truly you are awareness, as I've been saying. You'll get there, sooner or later, this life or one of the next..... we all get there eventually.

Nameste,

Dij

[meetjoeblack]

Hi MJB,

Thanks, yes, my life is good now, but for whatever reason I had to go through a lot of pain and suffering prior to getting here. I probably wouldn't have awoken if not for all the suffering, so it had its place in the grand scheme of it all. If you look at it from that point of view, then it was worth it. If looked at from the "little me" perspective, then it seems unfair and unjust, but it is what it is. All you can do is move forward. Looking back is a bit odd for me, because although I lived through it all, it doesn't feel like it happened to me. I'm not the same person anymore, I don't think the same as I once did. Actually, im the one observing the one that is thinking.

Yeah. I first came across "read ecky bro" from another forum and in self development. I never really followed the ego. I learned about the id, about the super ego, and living your id. Its very fascinating. I am still learning about "being." I actually thought about you tonight, about what you told me of your experience, health, and everything. I kept thinking, Joe, stop being a bitch. You actually endure some serious stuff. For me, the health things like a trip to the dentist, acid reflux, bad skin or something like gives me a lot of anxiety. Nobody gets out of this life alive. I am trying to let go more.

Nice, yeah, there's only "you" really, awareness. Might as well enjoy what you have vs. thinking, I'll be happy when....this, that and the other happens. Some people never learn how to enjoy their own company and always "need" to be with other people or dating someone to feel okay.

Its like there is this lie we all tell our selves; we can be happy when _________ happens. Rather than just be. A buddy was telling me about a girl he liked and dated then, something happened, and it ruined it for him. He doesn't know if something bad happened or if he let his ego ruin it for him. I then thought about my own predicaments and I am sure I did that same very thing. Likely due to fear. I am fear oriented. It makes me take action. I fear cavities so, I brush my teeth, I eat healthy so, no pop or junk food. I fear getting fat so, I go workout and I eat healthy. I fear being forever alone so, I go approach or tinder. Fear is powerful.

Essentially, you can never not be present and here/now, never. It's just whether or not you understand this...that you, awareness, pervade everything that is within you. That presents itself to you. So, it's your "attention" that needs to shift back and forth from the "person" channel vs the "witness" channel depending on what is happening. Although, at the same time knowing, regardless what channel your attention is focused, you are the very awareness itself that this shifting appears in/to.

This is why I meditate or I try to make the time to do so. I get overwhelmed otherwise and I get in a unresourceful state.

It's thoughs "OH MY GOD!!!!! What IF....." thoughts that can cause anxiety. The ego does this type of thinking, because it thinks it's a limited, little person and has to try to figure every thing out that it's worried about. It starts this with the premise that it's trying to "work out" a problem and before you know it your in full blown panic! There's a certain amount of acceptance that needs to happen when thinking about the future, that we don't actually have "control" of the results of our actions. We can put forth our best efforts to get what we want, but it's not a guarantee we will get it.

Self worth is one of those things. I was thinking about the life I want to live and again, being my own soulmate while single, and embracing this path for now. Love myself as lame as it sounds. Position myself in a place of mind, body, and spirit to welcome the right people in my life when the time is right.

[dijmart]

I never really followed the ego. I learned about the id, about the super ego, and living your id. Its very fascinating.

Id, ego, super ego concepts are part of psychology. I remember very little about their specific usage from the psych class I took in nursing school. Just using ego sums up most that I try to convey.

I actually thought about you tonight, about what you told me of your experience, health, and everything. I kept thinking, Joe, stop being a bitch. You actually endure some serious stuff.

You also have had serious stuff like your family members dying, taking care of your mom... that's tough! The mind is going to turn and spin, to chew on whatever it can... your mind has latched on to turning and spinning about medical problems. But, who is the one that is aware of the mind that's turning and spinning? You may say, "well, "I" am", but who's speaking...you (ego) or you the one that witnesses the ego? This is how you do Self inquiry.

Its like there is this lie we all tell our selves; we can be happy when _________ happens.

Yep, when you believe you are a seperate self, then desires and fears rule. The ego is always desiring or fearing something. There is constant striving/grasping or pushing away/aversion. To just be, doesn't happen often. It's good you meditate, since it's helpful to you.

Self worth is one of those things. I was thinking about the life I want to live and again, being my own soulmate while single, and embracing this path for now. Love myself as lame as it sounds. Position myself in a place of mind, body, and spirit to welcome the right people in my life when the time is right.

Nice! So happy you're making positive change! You will still have bad days, but stay positive though it and you will be happier over all.

[meetjoeblack]

Id, ego, super ego concepts are part of psychology. I remember very little about their specific usage from the psych class I took in nursing school. Just using ego sums up most that I try to convey.

Yah. Jung Psychiatry I learned a bit about it. I did a few classes on psychology and I dated a few girl that studied it so, I read some of their books. I heard that saying, "live your id."

You also have had serious stuff like your family members dying, taking care of your mom... that's tough! The mind is going to turn and spin, to chew on whatever it can... your mind has latched on to turning and spinning about medical problems. But, who is the one that is aware of the mind that's turning and spinning? You may say, "well, "I" am", but who's speaking...you (ego) or you the one that witnesses the ego? This is how you do Self inquiry.

I feel pretty rough over the holidays. I always jump to the worst conclusion because of it. Its not nearly as serious as your health situation you shared with me. I try to meditate and make the most of it.

Yep, when you believe you are a seperate self, then desires and fears rule. The ego is always desiring or fearing something. There is constant striving/grasping or pushing away/aversion. To just be, doesn't happen often. It's good you meditate, since it's helpful to you.

Yah but, not nearly enough. I will for a bit, then life gets hectic, and when I need it most I forget or get too busy.

Nice! So happy you're making positive change! You will still have bad days, but stay positive though it and you will be happier over all.

Happy new year. I am going out on a little date this week. Not too excited. I am trying to be present. I am shocked to remember that, this is as good as it gets in life lol I hope you had a good time bringing in the new year.

[dijmart]

Happy new year. I am going out on a little date this week. Not too excited. I am trying to be present. I am shocked to remember that, this is as good as it gets in life lol I hope you had a good time bringing in the new year.

Happy New Year to you also! Ah, it was a chill evening really, no big thing! Hope u had fun. So, I was thinking we should PM instead of posting here, since we go off topic and just chatting really.