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I will get surgery soon

Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 9:38 am
by Clouded
I don't want to go through it, I don't want to be put under general anesthesia, I don't want parts of my body to be cut and broken and taken away, I don't want the physical discomfort and pain that comes along with healing, I don't want to vomit....I am TERRIFIED of vomiting!

I'm such a coward, I know it will improve my quality of life, but I am so scared. Many times I thought about calling the hospital and cancelling my appointment or rescheduling it to a later date. I know none of this would help and a big part of my anxiety comes from the anticipation.

It's just terrible. It's hard to accept that I will suffer.

Re: I will get surgery soon

Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 6:36 pm
by steve Davidson
Hi Clouded, my heart goes out to you, i feel for you and wish you did not have to have surgery. I can only imagine how scared you are and do not want to do this. But if possible, focus on how it will improve the quality of your life. Focus on that end result, if possible, i know easier said than done. The mind has a tendency to focus on the fears and worries instead, which can drive you crazy. At least, you have one thing going for you, you are aware of what is going on and can possibly watch some of this happening, taking place.

You know the "I' or ego or mind does not want this and is resisting this, is scared, is fearful, does not like this one bit and will focus on that continually. But it is possible to bring some Presence or Awareness to the situation, as you say in "I know none of this would help and a big part of my anxiety comes from anticipation." So there is seeing, presence, awareness too. You see that most of the suffering comes from the anticipation, from the fear, from time, from the anticipation of the future. So if possible, try to be more present or reside from presence. (Pardon my lack of precise Tolle terms here, how he describes it, have not read his books for a while, but i think you can get the main message here i am trying to say.)

So this is a great opportunity to put into effect Tolles teachings, to practice them. You have no choice, you either suffer or find some relief and acceptance. You summed it up well in your last sentence, "Its hard to accept that i will suffer." Acceptance and surrender to what is, must happen or else there will be suffering.

I think you are very brave and courageous to look into this and to share this with us. I truly hope and pray you get through this as painlessly as possible, with the least amount of suffering and are able to have a better quality of life soon.

Re: I will get surgery soon

Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 6:54 am
by Clouded
Thank you Steve for your reply, I hope there won't be any complications after the surgery. I made a mistake and watched youtube videos of people documenting their surgery post-op so I would know what to expect. They're supposed to be educational, but they did more harm than good to me, so I stopped watching them.

Thanks for thinking that I am brave, I'm thinking quite the opposite. I'll probably bawl like a baby the day of the surgery. Oh my god, it feels like impeding doom. I'm trying to shift my attention to other things. It works most of the time.

I need to get through this, physical pain and discomfort is beyond my control, but I can control emotional pain.

Re: I will get surgery soon

Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 7:50 am
by steve Davidson
Hi Clouded, i have made the same mistake with youtube, some things it is helpful to see and other things, only makes matters worse, especially when you cannot get some things out of your head. Sometimes ignorance is bliss in this regard and too much information or visuals actually is not good. Better not knowing or seeing that. So yes, glad you stopped watching them and scaring yourself more, creating more fear for yourself.

Nothing wrong with bawling like a baby on the day of the surgery, it is okay, normal, human, you are scared, and that is understandable. I would be the same as you, if not worse. Give yourself some credit, especially after you go through this and make it out okay.

Do what you have to, to get through this, to make it easier on yourself and your emotions, shift your attention on other things if that helps you not to worry or think about this and to get through this.

Glad to hear that you know you can at least control your emotional pain. You are on the right path. I cant wait to hear when it is over and done and you are doing well and your quality of life is better when this is all said and done. And you can look back and be proud of yourself that you did this and surrendered and accepted this and made it through it.

Re: I will get surgery soon

Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 2:01 pm
by CindyS
So how's your surgery? i have a nose surgery next month, i know it would be a very minor surgery but i am afraid because i have never been into any kind surgery. i need some motivation and i am getting this from here.