Creating a superior ego

[kpngtrl]

I've been touching up on my power of now since leaving a painful relationship with a deeply unconscious person.

My painbody is going through intense withdrawals at the moment but I'm committed to bringing more presence into my life little by little.

However, I have a question, seeing that all living human beings must have an ego, is it okay to work on transitioning from an inferior to a superior ego? Do you think that so long as I keep from identifying myself intensely with the new ego, that this can be a healthy thing?

I have trouble speaking up, enforcing healthy boundaries and I give too much compassion, even to individuals that hurt and exploit me.

[kiki]

I have a question, seeing that all living human beings must have an ego, is it okay to work on transitioning from an inferior to a superior ego? Do you think that so long as I keep from identifying myself intensely with the new ego, that this can be a healthy thing?

I wouldn't think in terms of "superior" and "inferior"; they are too indicative of egoic identification. That being said, no one needs to become or remain a doormat, and as long as ego remains present it is certainly more to one's benefit in the world of form to have a healthy ego than an unhealthy one. What's critical for peace and clarity is the recognition of and abidance in what transcends ego. During interaction with others for the sake of functioning in the world create a healthy one. That will happen organically as you become familiar with true nature and abide in/as that, but there's no harm in doing things to help nurture that.

Be mindful that you can easily get caught up and trapped in what is mentally created. Ego is very clever and will do most anything to remain the director of your life, and because it wants to survive all kinds of strategies to do that will present themselves. See through those strategies as they arise and you will avoid pitfalls. The primary way out of identification is the discovery that ego isn't actually who/what you truly are. It is an illusory character created by thinking that doesn't exist as an actual entity. What you are is what exists prior to the mental formation of this illusory entity, and that existence is present always, just waiting to be re-cognized.

By the way, welcome to the forum.
kiki

[Webwanderer]

However, I have a question, seeing that all living human beings must have an ego, is it okay to work on transitioning from an inferior to a superior ego? Do you think that so long as I keep from identifying myself intensely with the new ego, that this can be a healthy thing?

In general, I would say yes. I'm also not crazy about the inferior vs superior as defining ego, but it is not without merit in my view. The way I see it is that so long as one is living through ego it makes sense to live through one that brings a preferable experience of life.

That said, I think it wise to recognize that ego is still an identification with thought constructs regardless of its effect on life experience. If, however, you are lucid enough to recognize that ego exists to the degree that you can choose one construct over another, you're in much clearer awareness than most of the people on this planet. Keep up the good work.

WW

[turiya]

However, I have a question, seeing that all living human beings must have an ego, is it okay to work on transitioning from an inferior to a superior ego? Do you think that so long as I keep from identifying myself intensely with the new ego, that this can be a healthy thing?

Here's an Eckhart video you might find helpful:

https://www.eckharttollenow.com/s/gb6vjl

(In particular the part where he says: "The moment you say 'I know myself', then there is 'I' and 'myself' and you have already split yourself into two... and, basically, that's the ego: where you split yourself into two, say 'that's me', and then you have a relationship with yourself...

The usual progression for people is: first, you have a dysfunctional relationship with yourself (*inferior ego*)... then, you're learning about becoming more loving toward yourself (*superior ego*) --> that's the intermediate stage... and then you go on to the realization that there are not two of you: that you are yourself.")

Hope this helps.

[Voyant]

Yes I agree with Turiya.

I remember that once ET got a question about affirmation in from of the bathroom mirror. He said it was ok at first.
When you have a lot of negative thought, you can spend time turning them into positive thought. And after a while you realize that even positive thought are holding you back (because they create expectations basically). And you turn to stillness.
And you can do that only now.

[helloworld]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I also sometimes struggle with making helpful decisions about boundaries. I unknowingly cultivated a very strong 'victim' ego over the years that put others' immediate pleasure (even if it was designed to spare them emotionally) above doing what was right in the moment. It seemed impossible for me to go directly from 'scared, empathic victim' to an identity-less state, because the thought patterns associated with that ego were strongly expressing how unvaluable and worthless I was as a person, which caused me to follow them as a ruler. Because I was so entangled, I experimented with cultivating a new ego, a warrior of sorts, whose job it was to challenge, stand up for and ultimately nurture the thing the victim was trying to degrade.

I sometimes wonder if this is the most natural path for those with a 'victim' or 'self-loathing' ego, as I've noticed a lot of people with this identity swing to the other side and cultivate a lot of apparent self-love to combat it. As the others on this thread have really importantly pointed out, though, this new self love, or warrior ego, or whatever it may be, is demonstrating the same attachment to the body, thoughts, etc, that the self-loathing ego did. I think they're two sides of the same coin. For me, the psuedo self-love was closer to true 'self-love,' or rather the state of detached love, than the self-loathing ego was. Without either of these egos, rather than acting out of self preservation, you can act based on what is called upon by the moment, or out of love.

To continue to practice a healthier relationship to boundaries, I have tried to 'stand up for myself' as if I were standing up for a child, or a random bystander, or any life form that deserves respect. When I take my self out of the equation, the emotional reactivity (associated with self loathing or self love) is less, and I can more easily do what the moment requests of me, preserve boundaries or minimize harm.

[Sighclone]

Recognition that the ego can take many forms is important. Another is "I am the great sufferer and cannot be helped." That identity can lead to suicide.
Here is Adya on unworthiness: https://vimeo.com/234420801

Andy

[helloworld]

Thanks for sharing the video, Andy!

It feels so true that although something in us values the struggle and hates the state of defeat, some of the best stuff happens when we unclench ourselves and let it all rush in.

[Sighclone]

Owning psychological pain is better than denying it, for sure. There are cognitive techniques that help, however, in that suffering is suffering and relief of suffering is the goal. The Sedona Method and Byron Katie's "the work" are techniques worth investigating.

Andy