Pain again

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering
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Pain again

Post by SmartestFool » Mon Feb 11, 2019 11:47 pm

I was in stillness (I think) yesterday, but it came off. This cycle is always the same : stillness, anxiety, peace, then fear again... For a few days at a time, so two days being ok, two days being not, etc. Is there a way to get back on track ? Is there a meditation method ? I'm not feeling it anymore and try to put myself into it but it's not working... Why am I unstable ? I started reading TPON a few weeks ago. I'm thinking physical discipline could help, like not drinking and taking care of my body with massage and showers and good diet. But what if it doesn't work ? I know it can, I'm not seeing bad everywhere, I'm just wondering what's happening to me. When I was feeling good, there was NO problem, not even one... Now I feel much discomfort. I've been like that for months, it was extreme, and I finally have found peace with ET's teachings, but there's no stability. Thank you for reading my post.

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Re: Pain again

Post by kiki » Tue Feb 12, 2019 3:51 pm

Like most people who begin this journey of awakening you will go through many cycles of clarity and peace followed by a return to long-established periods of turmoil, frustration and fear before you begin to abide in/as consciousness. The former are hallmarks of your essential Self/true nature, and the latter hallmarks of egoic identity. In order to become more fully established in consciousness of true nature one must keep returning to whatever practice you find most effective each time you catch yourself slipping into unconsciousness. It's your job to explore and discover what works best for you. If you look through this site you will find many posts by me and others that describe these, but you can begin with something as simple as returning to watching the breath coming in and going out, or feeling the inner body as suggested by Tolle. I'd also suggest setting aside some time each day to simply sit with eyes closed and watch the breath, or focus on the sense of what it simply feels like to be sitting and breathing and settling down in the felt sense of existence. Not existence as any particular person with their narrative story playing out in their head, but the sense of just being here now.

When you realize you are back in these old egoic habits don't judge yourself in any way. This is essential; judgment is a sure fire way of becoming lost in the mind again, becoming entangled in egoic thinking. Take a neutral stance when you find you are no longer present instead of chastising yourself; for example, "Oh, I see what's happened, OK. Back to feeling the inner body," or whatever else works for you. Any expectation of having clarity arrive and then maintaining itself for good only sets you up for continued struggle - almost nobody wakes up immediately for good. Just recognize what's happened, remain nonjudgmental about it and take whatever measures work best for you to return to the present moment.

So, in essence, what's happening to you is perfectly normal. There is no one particular method of returning to presence that works for everyone due to each individual's unique conditioning, no one "fix it" solution other than returning to presence whenever you discover you're overlooking it. Become mindful of the many ways you get triggered so that you can become ever more alert to when those triggers arise. That is your job to figure out and it's your job to figure out what is the best way to regain presence for you. Each time something arises that takes you out of presence you can catch it earlier and earlier so that presence can take a better foothold in your life. That's how stability grows until abidance becomes your default state.

As for practical tips do a search on my posts by clicking my name. Most of my practical advice is buried in posts from years ago, but I have repeated much of it over the years. There are others here as well with good tips. I'd start with Webwanderer and Sighclone, two of my fellow moderators. When you find someone you resonate with dig deeper into their post history to see what else they've got.

Think of this as a kind of adventure, an exploration or a game, the game of "hide and seek". Presence never actually leaves, it only seems to be gone, but it's not really, it's always fully available because presence is your very nature so how could You/Self not be fully here right now? It's just that it's not being recognized because attention has been diverted elsewhere, to some story in the mind or emotional upheaval. Even when you are experiencing turmoil presence remains in the background, ever silent ever still ever peaceful.

Good luck, and happy exploring.

"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd

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