Can ecky help with social anxiety

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Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby EckyFanboy » Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:29 pm

I have an 'issue' that is affecting me largely and has been my whole life, the main reason I started reading this stuff in the first place. Basically I get embarassed very easily, but I've noticed that the only reason it happens is because I think it is going to happen, or I'll put off meeting people I would love to meet or doing a speech because I'm afraid I'll get embarassed.

Am I in the right area (i.e reading ecky) if I want to learn to stop thinking about something? If i dont think about it it just doesnt happen, but when It does I want to be sucked underground so nobody can see me, it's awkward.
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby kiki » Thu Jul 03, 2008 3:06 pm

Fear of embarrassment is a hallmark of the ego, a hallmark of being too serious about things. Allowing yourself to be embarrassed demonstrates a loosening of the ego's grip, plus it is actually fun to have some fun at your own expense. Celebrate your past moments of embarrassment by turning them into funny stories for others to hear. That will begin to take the starch out of the ego's stuffed shirt and allow you to enter future situations with less fear of embarrassment.

But more fundamental is the reality of the ego that is being identified with, the one who fears embarrassment. The ego isn't real. Have you discovered this yet? Have you looked for it? If you haven't then do so. See what you can find when you examine this assumption that ego is real. The you that you take yourself to be - look for it. See what is always present - that is what is actually sought, what is actually real.

I've noticed that the only reason it happens is because I think it is going to happen, or I'll put off meeting people I would love to meet or doing a speech because I'm afraid I'll get embarassed

Do you have to believe these thoughts when they come? Is every thought true? Why believe something about an event that hasn't even arrived yet? Getting deeper into it, who is this that is believing those thoughts? That is the fundamental question, and finding the answer (which isn't in the mind) will allow you to be embarrassed without it turning into a social situation killer.

Tomorrow is America's Independence Day, but each moment is an invitation to awaken to the realization that you are no longer subject to the tyranny of egoic identification. Each moment lived fully in the present moment is an unspoken Declaration of Independence. Read through Tolle's works, surf the board, and put your "John Hancock" at the bottom of your Declaration of Independence. And lastly, welcome to the board.

kiki
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby EckyFanboy » Thu Jul 03, 2008 3:30 pm

So even if i manage to 'lose the ego' it will still happen? it is my honest belief that it only happens when I think about it. i went for months without it happening, simply because it was rare and I never thought about it. Until something else happened that triggered the reaction and brought it all back

It's like if i tell you not to think about elephants you can't help but do it
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:35 pm

Welcome e-fan!

OK - accept that embarrassment or the thought of embarrassment or the memory of embarrassment is part of you (in form.) It's part of your ego's story. Sit for a while, alone, and feel the past embarrasment. Dwell on the feeling - allow it to fully enter your consciousness. Remember every tiny little horrifying ghastly detail. Now imagine a future situation when you set yourself up to be embarrassed...maybe it's meeting someone who is attractive to you - whatever. Go there, set up the situation in your head (because you are likely to do that anyway). Imagine it. Imagine it all the way to diarrhea and vomiting. Or fainting dead away. Be as directly with that miserable, sad little you as you can.

Then do the whole exercise again - different memory, different future setting. Be with the hideous monster of embarrassed suffering. Whose feelings are there? Who is embarrassed? Is that really you, or is there some distance, some space?

Another suggestion; (And people do this when speaking publicly for the first time.) The next time you are aware that potential embarrassment is possible, enter that conversation with this statement: "Hi...I'm pleased to meet you. Maybe you can help me. I'm working on a personal issue - it's a bit silly, but it has felt real to me in the past. I get embarrassed for no reason based in fact. So, if I act or look unnecessarily awkward or reticent or shy, would you tell me? It's not you doing anything, it's me. I'm trying to face down this irrational, baseless insipid fear, and maybe you can help. Thanks!"

Go right public with it. Call it out. Bring it right up to the foreground. Accept and completely surrender to it. Guess what: It is BS, and you know it. Fully cast in the light of presence, it will shrink away. Every single time. Every time. Always. That's what happens to baseless false egoic structures. And the witness is You. Smiling.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby tikey » Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:05 pm

well the best way to go through your embarassment is actually to try to laugh from yourself.
Well one of the core messages of "The Power of Now" is not to take your thought to seriously.
Really - to take your thoughts not so seriously is a great advice.
I don't really know what you mean by getting embarrased. Being embarrased is SELF-created.
It's what you think about YOURSELF. So basically: YES the power of now CAN help you with
that. But you have to also realise many things. That actually public speaking is NOT embarrasing
and can actually became an challenge to overcome. Look at eckhart: he doeas plenty of public
speaking. Knowing ho he was before the shif - he would not dare to speak publicly in the fear of
being embarrased and look how the power of now had change him - beautifully :P
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby pascal » Tue May 04, 2010 6:42 am

Hello everyone, well, I have social fobia, and it´s not easy to erase that fear ...its only a memory, but a really good biiig memoryy haha
I understand it´s only a story, the story of me,the story of pascal ,the story of that person that is not really me....
I dont feel identify with all the story in the past but i still have fear, and I still prefer to stay at home some days but even when i decide to stay at home i accept it,I don´t get in the story or the "poor me"...

remember i speak native spanish so I can write a little mess sometimes ,little preetty messs
saludos :wink:
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby tikey » Tue May 04, 2010 7:25 pm

dont worry, everyone sometimes has worse moments...
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby hippiesruleon » Wed May 05, 2010 6:34 pm

Andy, I like your advice on just telling people about your social anxiety and having them point it out. That has been something I have thought about for a while. But sometimes I have problems with telling people about things I am dealing with, because I am afraid that they will have a negative reactions (being overwhelmed by my problem, looking down on me because I have a certain problem).

A lot of my life I am afraid that people will 'see I have a problem.' Just telling them about whatever I am dealing with helps with that, but sometimes I am afraid to because it seems like some people don't really respond very nicely. Some people respond compassionately, but I guess I am afraid that people will react with a negative response, like freaking out, or looking down on me, or just getting serious about it. I love it when people respond compassionately with good advice, haha. But I think I want to get to the point where I am comfortable telling most people how I feel and dealing with my problems with an objective standpoint and not take it too personally.

Thank you for any advice! :-)
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby Sighclone » Wed May 05, 2010 6:53 pm

some people don't really respond very nicely


Yeah, there are jerks everywhere. Can't change that. Risk you have to take. The kind of person who would disrespect you for a weakness would probably detect it in you anyway and grind on you...and you'd get a 'social anxiety' trigger. Also, bringing up your anxiety issue is a form of courage, and you will get some support and respect from a far wider percentage of people, in my opinion.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby hippiesruleon » Wed May 05, 2010 7:11 pm

Cool, that's really inspiring. Thanks!
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby dasaniwater » Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:10 am

Sighclone wrote:Welcome e-fan!

OK - accept that embarrassment or the thought of embarrassment or the memory of embarrassment is part of you (in form.) It's part of your ego's story. Sit for a while, alone, and feel the past embarrasment. Dwell on the feeling - allow it to fully enter your consciousness. Remember every tiny little horrifying ghastly detail. Now imagine a future situation when you set yourself up to be embarrassed...maybe it's meeting someone who is attractive to you - whatever. Go there, set up the situation in your head (because you are likely to do that anyway). Imagine it. Imagine it all the way to diarrhea and vomiting. Or fainting dead away. Be as directly with that miserable, sad little you as you can.

Then do the whole exercise again - different memory, different future setting. Be with the hideous monster of embarrassed suffering. Whose feelings are there? Who is embarrassed? Is that really you, or is there some distance, some space?

Another suggestion; (And people do this when speaking publicly for the first time.) The next time you are aware that potential embarrassment is possible, enter that conversation with this statement: "Hi...I'm pleased to meet you. Maybe you can help me. I'm working on a personal issue - it's a bit silly, but it has felt real to me in the past. I get embarrassed for no reason based in fact. So, if I act or look unnecessarily awkward or reticent or shy, would you tell me? It's not you doing anything, it's me. I'm trying to face down this irrational, baseless insipid fear, and maybe you can help. Thanks!"

Go right public with it. Call it out. Bring it right up to the foreground. Accept and completely surrender to it. Guess what: It is BS, and you know it. Fully cast in the light of presence, it will shrink away. Every single time. Every time. Always. That's what happens to baseless false egoic structures. And the witness is You. Smiling.

Namaste, Andy


Nice!
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby ivory » Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:25 am

hippiesruleon wrote:Andy, I like your advice on just telling people about your social anxiety and having them point it out. That has been something I have thought about for a while. But sometimes I have problems with telling people about things I am dealing with, because I am afraid that they will have a negative reactions (being overwhelmed by my problem, looking down on me because I have a certain problem).

A lot of my life I am afraid that people will 'see I have a problem.' Just telling them about whatever I am dealing with helps with that, but sometimes I am afraid to because it seems like some people don't really respond very nicely. Some people respond compassionately, but I guess I am afraid that people will react with a negative response, like freaking out, or looking down on me, or just getting serious about it. I love it when people respond compassionately with good advice, haha. But I think I want to get to the point where I am comfortable telling most people how I feel and dealing with my problems with an objective standpoint and not take it too personally.

Thank you for any advice! :-)


Now this is something I have experience with. I used to be a very socially awkward guy, I worked for YEARS on this. It was actually my experiences with this (which I sort of eluded to in my introduction post) that led me to Tolle. My social anxiety now is pretty much non-existent and am actually a rather confident dude.

A friend one day said to me, "Hey bro, you really need to stop comparing yourself to other people. If you don't you, will forever feel disappointed in yourself." His words really rung true to me. That day I accepted who "I" was, and my life forever changed (I also had my first taste of bliss). I was no longer ashamed of who I was because I no longer compared myself to others. I felt like a 1000 pound gorilla was lifted off my shoulders.

For years what I tried to do was cover it up my "issues." I tried to hide those "problems" that you described. The problem with that is, well, they didn't go away. They were just temporarily covered up with bandaids.

On the surface level what I found was that I was afraid what others would think of me. But on a much deeper level what I discovered was that I didn't accept who "I" was. Hence the reason I was always trying to change and trying to become something other than what I already was. In other words, I felt insignificant in comparison to others, and I felt I had to change.

But here's the real kicker. Those "issues" I had, they were illusory. "I" had made them up, and "I" believed them. Once I recognized that as truth, the issues vanished. I no longer felt that I had to impress anybody, which was freedom.

The point I'm making is that you have to do some digging. Find out the core reason why you have these feelings and emotions. Of course, emotions are a result of thought. These so called "negative" emotions are a result of illusory thought, or illusory ideas.

So check your thoughts. Chances are "you" are thinking about "I" or other illusory ideas such as time (End the delusion of time as Tolle says), which is of course, the only place that "I" exists.

Tolle says watch the thinker. Study thought. Observe it without judging.

Oh, and take your time. Give yourself permission to be patient with yourself. As humans we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and sense of urgency arises. That urgency needlessly leads to stress and suffering (again, "negative" emotions, guess what kind of illusory ideas this time!).

Cheers
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Re: Can ecky help with social anxiety

Postby kiki » Thu Nov 04, 2010 4:08 am

Nice post, ivory.

These so called "negative" emotions are a result of illusory thought, or illusory ideas.


I would only comment that thoughts are not illusory - they are present. What's relevant to thoughts/ideas is that they are not "yours", and they don't represent reality. They are just thoughts, and nobody "owns" them; they come and they go. What's illusory is the "I" that is constructed out of thought.
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