I used to be pretty shy as well, since as far back as I can remember. At some point I realized that it was my father who taught me to worry about social interactions, to fear embarrassment and looking stupid. Then I realized that worrying about what I'm going to say and stuff like that only made me
more socially inept, not less. So one way I fixed my shyness was through realizing things like that. Perhaps you have something in your past that triggered your social anxiety that you are still carrying with you. If so, recognizing it for what it is may help.
Also, catching yourself thinking too much is important. Instead of just watching your mind when this happens, try to silence it, since you know your mind isn't helping the current situation. Quickly become present and, instead of thinking, pay attention to the person you're talking to. Take your mind out of the space and devote more space to that person. Take them in. Your brain automatically processes facial expressions, tone of voice, and the words being said, so you don't really have to worry about it. In fact, your automatic processing (stillness) will do a lot better job of "analyzing" what's going on than your thoughts will. Then, instead of thinking of what you're going to say, be still and words will come out of the stillness. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes it's immediate. If you are not talking to anyone then just enjoy the moment. Enjoy hearing people talking to each other. Enjoy watching them laugh with each other. It is important to
enjoy a social situation because this will
make you sociable. You'll
want to talk to people and people will
want to talk to you. People who do well in social situations know this on some level.
Anyway, you seem to already recognize that thoughts and fears crop up
right when you hear about a social situation approaching. This is the best time to stop your thoughts. The earlier the better. Take your mind out of the space immediately and devote more space to what's going on around you. Maybe you are riding in a car with friends at the moment. Look outside. Listen to the engine. Watch your friends. Converse with them. Enjoy the moment. Eventually, with practice, the thoughts won't arise anymore.
There is more to it, but if you get to this point you're doing pretty well!
