Self Criticizm

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Self Criticizm

Postby skylark » Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:37 pm

Dear friends;

Let me clarify one of my disruptions in my here and now.I may find myself criticising myself for getting divorced from my wife (ıt was 7 years ago)from whom I had three sons, for another woman with whom romance had faded long ago.(I found out that “Grass seems greener on the other side of the fence issue”-it was an invaluable experience but It cost me a lot)...Now we live in seperate cities.I miss them a lot.My former wife still says that she loves me but I feel responsible for my girlfriend with whom I ve been together for 7 years now.I love them both..(to be honest the latter a bit more).I invited my former wife to live with me but she refused and said as long as I live with a woman she wouldn’t accept that offer.My girlfriend also said that she would leave me if my former wife came to the same city.I am also worried about my sons because my wife who is totally illiterate can’t cope with them and they are failing at their schools.Also I am the only breadwinner.See I can’t sit on a bench for 2 years like ET did since I am the only caregiver of a family.Mostly they say accept your feelings and let go..Accepting the sorrow stemming from that my divorce was my fault doesn’t make it disappear.They just don’t go..
Any ideas on how I can transform myself from self-critical watcher to an non-judgmental one will be gratefully appreciated.
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Jul 18, 2009 11:02 pm

Make a choice, based not so much in logic, but in a sense of what is right. It's obvious you don't have peace of mind with the way things stand. Look to spiritual direction. If you can, find the clarity of silent presence, and be open to a guidance beyond that of mind and logic. The best course of action may be seen when the mind is not mucking up the obvious.

What are you willing to sacrafice? And to what end? Again the answers are clearer in silence than in analytical process.

WW
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jul 19, 2009 6:00 am

There is an answer, and you already know it. But part of "you" doesn't "like" that answer...so lots of words and rationalizations... If you were advising another person who had your problems, what would you tell them?

Who needs you the most? It appears that you get to put your own needs aside and serve someone else. Sounds to me like your children come first.

Just my opinion...and don't be critical -- decide and go forward. If it is right, there will be some help. If it is wrong, as Eckhart says, life will send lemons.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby skylark » Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:15 am

Dear friends;

Thank you for your replies.It is my simplicity that I wrote all my conflict about myself. But you seem to be extremely serious in you answering(As if judgemental in some way—This was my first post and You all don’t even say "Hello" in your beginnings)...
Osho says ' a divine being pretending to be a person. And now we are pretending the person we are pretending to be has all these problems. And that's the game of life. We've come down here to play, and everybody gets serious. 'This isn't funny! Honey that's funny. What do you mean this isn't funny? Its the Cosmic Circus, and we're the clowns!..

Andy says;
>>>There is an answer, and you already know it. >>>

Sorry I really don't know it...


I have very conflicting ideas on this.Part of me says that I should rescue my children. The illusion that my children need me otherwise be raised wounded is so strong that victimhood seems to be real.As a rescuer my perception that my children need my help, holds me in a matrix of victimhood. As a rescuer I do not see my children as whole.As long as I think they need to be rescued I have a hard time just being.In that It sucks my energy like a game of vampirism.And another part of me says that everything happens for a reason, and there are no mistakes. Whatever crosses my children’s path is meant for them, I and my children cannot escape it because our Higher Selves actually called forth that experience for our spiritual growth.May be it is what we have agreed to experience.May be the situation was Divinely guided and happened not to us, but for us. It was meant to happen that way for the highest good of all concerned and ultimately, there is nothing to forgive.
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Plorel » Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:05 pm

Hey skylark, welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay :wink:

Andy says;
>>>There is an answer, and you already know it. >>>


That is always true in my experience. The problem is, if we hold resemtment, grieve, anger, hatred, sorrow, we have obstructed our access to the higher knowledge within us. So, before you make a decision, make sure you act from a place of love and compassion. You can try various release techniques (I always recommend Byron Katie's "The Work", but anything is good). If you are clear again, you may experience that the decision will rather make itself than you making a decision.

May be the situation was Divinely guided and happened not to us, but for us. It was meant to happen that way for the highest good of all concerned and ultimately, there is nothing to forgive

Everything happens for us and if we experience stress or anger, we are only shown where we havent healed our mind and heart yet. But as long as this is only a conceptuel phrase, there is no worth to it. Only the truth lived brings freedom in the end.

best wishes
stefan
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby karmarider » Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:27 pm

You are feeling strong emotions about your past and present circumstances. Anger, remorse, fear, empathy and so on. Use a release technique to release these emotions, and you will have some clarity and relief.
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby skylark » Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:41 pm

Can you please describe a release technique appropriate for these circumstances?
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Plorel » Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:22 pm

Can you please describe a release technique appropriate for these circumstances?


http://www.thework.com
There you will find everything you need including descriptions, examples, etc.
From what I hear from other forum members, the Sedona Method seems to work very well, but I have no reference for it. Maybe google or youtube.
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby karmarider » Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:52 pm

skylark wrote:Can you please describe a release technique appropriate for these circumstances?


EFT on emofree.com
Sedona: the book has everything you need, by Hale Dwoskin
beyond-karma release: http://www.beyond-karma.com/how-to/how- ... s-release/

Many resonate with Byron Katie as well, as plorel points out.
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby skylark » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:39 am

What I need is just a pointer..which would be the dharmic approach from the spiritual point of view?
>My acting as a rescuer..in that ı will return my old relationship and care for my children..
>My being happy in my 7 year old relationship and do my best for my children..
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Sighclone » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:50 am

Wikipedia defines dharma about ten different ways. My comments refer to this one:

Throughout Indian philosophy, Dharma is presented as a central concept that is used in order to explain the "higher truth" or ultimate reality of the universe.


In that sense, your dharma is to awaken.

The Sedona Method, Byron Katie and really any effective releasing technique assists in unbinding you from any concept that constrains your self-realization...including guilt. These cognitive techniques are effective for anyone, regardless of unique dharmic path. Once egoic stories are recognized as such, the Self is less concealed. Before rejecting any of these techniques, you might try one. Many of us have used them or they would not appear here. Expecting some magic "pointer" to clear all this up in a day may not be realistic.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Self Criticizm

Postby Peaceman » Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:06 pm

I cant see a "problem". You love your girlfriend, albeit without the "romance", you feel sorry for your wife, and you are worried about your children. This means you want to stay with your girlfriend, your wife will not want your sympathy, and you can surely help your children when you see them or even get an old friend who lives near your wife to mentor them or such, with the literacy. And children? depending on what age they are and what personality they are, they will either forgive you never forgive you, love you or hate you.....for their future, kids are very resilient and make their own way regardless of their upbringing/surroundings.
Read it in black and white, its harsh! :oops:
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