Familiar anxiety coming back

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Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby EyesWideShut » Tue Dec 01, 2009 8:51 pm

Dear all,

A while back I posted on this same forum with an anxiety question and basically you guys helped me out tremendously.

While im typing this I realize I might have to just apply the same tactic, making this post irrelevant. Though I might need some back up.

Im feeling the same kind of anxiety I felt 2 years ago when I was burned out, its not constant but occurs frequently. I also feel very weak and insecure. It has just recently started since a month or two maybe. This anxiety makes me think Im heading in the same direction as 2 years ago. It was going well for a period of time when I was in counseling, but they said I was done.

I just dont get it, it doesnt make sense. My ego is having a blast about it though and im having trouble observing it. It also makes me mad that this anxiety came back. It seems that whatever Im trying I cant live an emotionally "stable" life. Old thought patterns are coming back, now that Im not in counseling anymore. Could it be that all this counseling is only short term, but in the long term the ego will return with the same thought patterns?

Ive recently followed an Eckhart course and experienced major awareness and feeling superb. Now that Ive come to known more and more about ego, I sense it rambling a lot. Its very strong, its as strong as it was during my depression. The only difference is, is that I know its my ego. This also makes me afraid I might run into depression again. Its so strong that yesterday I gave up my meditating session, cause I experienced too much resistance.

Anyway, I realize this post is chaos, but I am asking very kindly if you could make something out of it, which hopefully can set me on my way again. I dont want to give up, but I find this struggle so difficult :(

Thank you,
EyesWideShut
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby enigma » Thu Dec 03, 2009 1:12 am

The old saying "Ignorance is bliss" has some truth to it. As long as we remain unconscious, we can make ourselves believe pretty much anything we want/need to believe. We can convince ourselves life as a mind identified individual is not a soul sucking vaccuum (hehe) or that we really are happy and growing and wonderful people loved by all, etc. If the eyelids start to flutter and we begin to become conscious, all of these self deceptions start to crumble, and this is what moves folks to go to therapy or start on a spiritual path.

Fact is, most therapists are asleep as well, and their profession is likely primarilly an attempt to keep themselves asleep and their own solution patterns working for them. Since they generally see (at least unconsciously) that waking up and falling out of the patterns is the problem, they will probly try to help you fall back asleep again as a solution. It may take the form of medication (in the case of a psychiatrist) or it may be behavioral (which means 'Look, everybody else is sleeping, so why aren't you?') or it may be an atempt to restructure past experiences by writing a new story about them that we're willing to believe.

For most, the drive to awaken is too strong to respond well to being put back to sleep, at least for long. The eyes are still fluttering, and the dream patterns are still being seen through and something keeps saying 'You know, this really IS all bullshit.'

Another good saying is, 'The only way out is through.' Trying to go back to some somnambulistic state of unconsciousness is a recipe for suffering. The only thing that can save you now is the truth. I say stop at nothing to 'find' it. Look at everything to see if it's true, and if it's not, toss it in the trash and move on. The more you toss out, the lighter will be your load.
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby steph H » Thu Dec 03, 2009 11:49 pm

The old saying "Ignorance is bliss" has some truth to it. As long as we remain unconscious, we can make ourselves believe pretty much anything we want/need to believe. We can convince ourselves life as a mind identified individual is not a soul sucking vaccuum (hehe) or that we really are happy and growing and wonderful people loved by all, etc. If the eyelids start to flutter and we begin to become conscious, all of these self deceptions start to crumble, and this is what moves folks to go to therapy or start on a spiritual path.

Fact is, most therapists are asleep as well, and their profession is likely primarilly an attempt to keep themselves asleep and their own solution patterns working for them. Since they generally see (at least unconsciously) that waking up and falling out of the patterns is the problem, they will probly try to help you fall back asleep again as a solution.


Have you ever seen the movie the Matrix? yeah, reality IS really like the Matrix. (what enigma has just perfectly described)
Your mind has tremendous power and it is so deceiving. "the body cannot live without the mind"--Morpheus from the Matrix.
EyesWideShut--
I think i have some idea of what you are going through. From what you've described, I think I've felt that way before.
Sometimes when you discover something new--that leads you to the truth, you seem to begin carefully analyzing things that is of your prior knowledge. For example, when i first started reading the ET's books and taking on teachings of other great writers like ET, I would be so surprised by these concepts of how the mind works, how deceptive it is, how manipulative it is, and how powerful it is/the strength it has over us sometimes. Then whenever i started to feel anxious/worried/nervous about something that's going to happen or feel anger/jealousy, or when i start to judge something/label something, i become aware of that it's my MIND that's doing this. I get a reaction like "wow" the mind IS really like this. But after I've become aware of my mind and my Being, I become frustrated and even more anxious sometimes--because of the fact that i have trouble "quieting" my head and settling down my mind. All i wanted was not to feel the anxiety ALL THE TIME--it's exhausting to feel that way so often, i know. That's how i felt before. But believe me, it's just the mind fighting you. YOU, your Being, wants to be free of your ego-mind. ET also said that we're just the slave of the mind. But the simple fact of YOU not wanting to feel that anxiety/worry coming back means YOU (your inner-Self, your essence, your Being, your wholeness) is awaiting to feel that peace,quiet,calmness--you want to be awakened.
But your ego--ego thrives on knowledge/memory bank/the past. It feels bigger and stronger as it makes its filing cabinet bigger with more information and knowledge etc.--this is because it wants to be on the safe side. ET, Osho, Chopra and other writers all say that the ego does not want to die and it feeds on your past--thats why it makes you feel the anxiety, the worry, the fear of moving on/tthe fear of taking risks because it DOESN'T WANT YOU TO MOVE ON--IT DOESN'T WANT THE BEING TO GROW---it does not want you to be awakened and live in the present, the time when your Being and you become connected and the time when the mind shuts up. SO ultimately, your mind is a BIG blockage, a HUGE obstacle in our lives at times. SO don't let it get to you! The next time you feel that horrible anxiety, just say "are you done yet up there? will you just shut up and stop it already? " just remember the anxiety is a way of your mind "playing it safe" and not letting you move on. But you are ready to move on, you are ready to be awakened--live in the present as YOU and not your mind. Your mind is just trying to hinder you from discovering the truth. Kind of like the people living in the Matrix--living that false lie. But don't let your mind get the best of you. Just BE in the present, take a deep breath.

hope this makes sense and hope this helps.

All the best!
--STEPH
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby steph H » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:00 am

oh also meditation helps a lot too. If you haven't tried it, you should give it a shot.
at first you might feel like you don't want to sit there anymore with your eyes closed and that you feel tired of that--but remember its the mind not wanting to quiet down--the mind loves the noise that it makes in your head that drives all of us nuts. just focus on your breathing--inhale, exhale--until you feel the peace and calmness. You don't have to get rid of the noise in your head completely, that's extremely hard to do. Just do it so you feel somewhat more relaxed, and when you notice the quieting of your thoughts. The mind is an obstacle that thrives on things you're familiar with (like things in the past);playing it safe, moving on means taking a risk, trying something new, stepping out of the safe zone--the mind will fight and it will resist--that's where anxiety comes from--fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. but you have to take control.

good luck! :D
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby EyesWideShut » Sat Dec 05, 2009 6:44 pm

Thanks for your answers guys, they make a lot of sense.

Let me try to explain what happened the past few days. When I wrote my earlier post, I felt horrible. After my post, I started to do some laundry and try to become aware again. It worked and I started to feel good again, even really good. Strange, but also very welcome at the time.

Now this seems to be some sort of a pattern, like for example yesterday. I was working and after a period of time, I started to feel unsure again, I didnt know how to act around other people anymore. Its a very weird state of not knowing how to behave anymore, i can feel the panicking start. I literally felt that there was 2 of me, switching back and forth between aware and self conscious. Allthough the self consciousness seems to also direct the attention inwards, its very different from being aware.
I hope anyone here can relate to this... Anyway after a while of feeling absolutely dreadful, I said to myself: "I have to try and become aware again". So I did, I focused my attention outwards on the conversations I was having with people. Again after a short period of time, I started to feel better again. I did some EFT in the bathroom and the rest of the day I felt a lot better. Sometimes the thoughts would come up of how to behave, but mostly it went fine.

Today, I just went to the grocery store and again, feeling a bit tense, questions were coming up on how to behave. It was a short trip, so nothing really intense happened. But I could see the pattern starting up again.

Can anyone explainto me what is going on?

Thank you,

EyesWideShut
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby AwareConciousness » Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:53 am

Sometimes it can be hard. Sometimes it seems that the ego is so powerful that awareness is a struggle to reach and the emptiness keeps getting filled up with all this chaos and it can really cause pain and isolation and confusion and cold suffering. I have had this many times. And now I realise that this is wonderful. What you are experiencing is a wake-up call. It is further incentive to wake up and be aware. I now relish these moments to duel with the ego and when these pointless harmful thoughts arise I employ a rigurous self-enquiry on each and every one of them. There's a wonderful little bit in Ramana Maharshi's famous 'Who am I?' which refers to these thoughts as soldiers sallying out of a fortress to fight. In order to conquer the fortress we must exterminate them all. So my friend, when these horrible periods occur again, just self-enquire every one of those bastard thoughts! To each one say mentally 'To whom is this thought occuring?' or simply 'Who am I?' Say it with all your heart and soul and passion. You will find that after a couple of minutes the mind just stops as if devastated by the onslaught. You will just be empty then, and at peace. If you´re interested in self-enquiry I recommend you check out my blog or send me an email (emails on the blog). I am always available to give free advice and reply within 24 hours. Blog: awareconsciousness.blogspot.com

Keep on fighting my friend. Remember you are on the path towards total realisation. Freedom is within your reach my friend. You are on the most important mission any human can possibly undertake. Take courage in that. Peace to you.
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby pixiedust » Tue May 04, 2010 12:14 am

Hi! Wow, congratilations.. you are on the path. Dont be too hard on yourself..really. Dont try to force your awakening just relax about it a little. You cant expect to be completely at peace and awakened in such a short time. Monks dedicate their whole lives to it. You experience moments of awareness and thats great! You are awakening! As you practise more and more it will become easier to stay present for longer and longer. If you're having a down moment just try to let it be for what it is.. accept and then it will be much easier to move on.
Love and relaxation to you!
xx
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby Transformational » Wed May 05, 2010 8:01 am

Perhaps you should not focus on the anxiety.

Expressing anxiety is not always the best way to deal with it. In expressing anxiety we might be practicing or rehearsing it, and making it stronger in the depth of our consciousness.


Have you considered doing something pleasant to take your mind off it?
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby HandfullaMinerals » Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:53 pm

Not sure if this will help, but emotions and reoccurring thought patterns usually indicate unfinished business for for me.

I enjoy transmuting energy when I'm at home, but even at work sitting at the desk, there's this feeling. After experiencing consciousness, there is this almost veil like screen that you're looking through, and that is kind of a part of the ego, almost like an emotion.

So in essence you have unfinished business, you can't erase memories, but the emotions attached make them bubble to the surface and that's what you need to deal with. All these modern drugs prescribed by unconscious psychiatrists are simply to cloak your emotions (quick fix for a symptom), so that you can function in the machine as a whole.

Dealing with the emotion will allow you to put away compulsive thinking and enjoy EVERY THING you do.
It is the ego which raises difficulties, creating obstacles and then suffers from the perplexity of apparent paradoxes. Find out who makes the enquiries and the Self will be found.
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Re: Familiar anxiety coming back

Postby Kae » Mon Nov 01, 2010 9:29 am

iamego wrote:Dealing with the emotion will allow you to put away compulsive thinking and enjoy EVERY THING you do.


And "dealing with the emotion" entails not much more than realizing that that's just what it is, an emotion. Realize that it's nothing more than an emotion, a ripple on the surface of a vast body of water, that is you!

I know precisely what you're going through - sounds very similar to my own life. Good luck to you, you are on the path. Consult us whenever you feel you have need.

I feel this talk by Adyashanti to be a great insight into a situation like this, and a reminder that everything is well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy8LbEa91Qw
Pura Visio, Pectus Apertum, Pax Interi
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