Lost after awakening!

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Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:58 pm

Hiya - I had posted in the gen. forum but i think more relevance here.

I wonder if anyone can give me suggestions/insights?

I had an awakening two months ago which revealed my true nature. I was sure that I would have no problems again - how wrong I was!

I now know that the unworthiness that I had known as my self up to that point was not true. However, as this was all I had ever known I am at a loss as to how to function now. I gave up my minimum wage job just before the awakening as even this job was too much to handle in the self-conscious, depressed state that I was in. I have been living with my parents for the last two months, with nothing really on the outside - no job, relationships, no sense of belonging where I am currently living. I also have the sense and have done for many years, that I am 'watching' myself do things - I find this distressing as I am self conscious when there is no one else there, making simple everyday tasks incredibly difficult.

So I am really in a place where I feel stuck. There does not seem to be energy moving me to do anything or it could be avoidance of doing things because of the feeling of being watched by 'myself'. There is also no sense of what I would do next or where. As I have only identified with unworthiness and struggling to get by I have no strong sense of what my capabilities are or where my passions lie.

Has anyone else encountered this confusion, feelings after awakening and what on earth to do now?

With thanks
J
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jan 03, 2010 9:27 am

J -

Get out of yourself for awhile. Take a bus to a homeless shelter and volunteer, or a mission, or a nursing home or a sheltered workshop for people who have developmental disabilities. Spend your time and hours consciously doing something for someone else. Secondly, get a copy of "Able and Equal" by Denton Roberts -- this is a fine book on basic self-esteem. You need a certain level of ego-strength before you can discard it (another nondual paradox). There are about ten copies on abebooks.com for $10 delivered.

You need to change something in your life, and the best way to do that is to get out and serve someone else...really "outfocus" on someone else. For a whole day. For a whole week. For a whole month. My experience with this is that the love all comes back.

Andy
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Sun Jan 03, 2010 11:58 am

Morning Andy

Thanks for the advice. It is really appreciated.

Joanna
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby tikey » Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:33 pm

Just stay where you are. The problem you have: You reached the edge of the cliff, and what now? :)
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby spikyface » Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:14 pm

Hello Sunnyjo, I like your name why did you choose it? Is there a little bit of sunshine in you? :lol:

It's normal, people go through this, Sighclone's advice is sound, volunteering to help others worked for me

On those days when you struggle just to get out of bed because you can't see the point, having someone else to focus your energies on can be quite rewarding

Find a group to volunteer with and become active again, focus on this step
Last edited by spikyface on Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:13 pm

Hi Spikyface

Thanks for the post.

Yeah I did as Andy suggested. At the time I didnt feel that I was capable of functioning, even to benefit other people.

Energy and flow now though with outward activities and also the awakening process!

What volunteering work did you get involved with out of interest?

Joanna
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby spikyface » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:35 pm

http://www.bethelnetwork.org.uk/index.html

It's a small local charity that helps people all over the city, so far I've been involved in things ranging from dropping off baby cribs to helping a homeless person find a place to live
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby Sighclone » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:29 am

Joanna -

I'm pleased to hear that you are able to get out help others. Of course, since we are all one, you are actually helping yourself -- it is a big feedback loop! You might enjoy an upbeat new book about waking up and then honoring your "little me" in form. It is called "How Long is Now" by Tim Freke...very uplifting and has a new twist on life in form.

Remember, since you've restabilized somewhat, you get to help other people who are depressed, by your example.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:47 pm

Spikyface - will look into the link!

Andy - thank you. Helping others feels natural now. Will check out the book. Sounds interesting.
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:06 pm

Andy - had a look at Tim Freke's website and book - fabulous and err juicy - i think would be the word!!

great..
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby Sighclone » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:00 pm

Why would there be form? If the natural state is 'no suffering,' what is form for...to look down on and discredit? Why would Source manifest something to be ignored and avoided? Now the Source I can sense might create a gigantic playfield, full of opportunity for fun, joy and love -- and of course, those things exist only because they have opposites...that's what we have in form -- polarity, and nuances and immense variety.

Just because a ballroom can be seen as a transitory ripple in the ocean of Being doesn't mean we can't have big fun dancing there. :D

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:16 pm

Just because a ballroom can be seen as a transitory ripple in the ocean of Being doesn't mean we can't have big fun dancing there.


Lovely way to put it. There is so much freedom in realising that there is no need to reject this form. We can have fun whilst remembering that it is only the tip of the iceberg.

See you there ;)
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby eckhart01 » Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:46 am

The egoic state is as natural as presence to us. One of the great revelations provided by the teachings is that nothing that you could ever do will last. How sobering for the mind to think of a time where its achievements cease to exist, although thinking about this can make you disillusioned, angry and upset.

From your description, you are seeking an identity, having succeeded in peeling the layers off your previous identity. Considering that the mind can seek new identities several times in a day, it's natural that you are experiencing this. It's trying to make itself content again, and may very well succeed in doing so.

No job, no relationship, no sense of belonging - a liberating place to be. A miserable place when approached by the mind however. It takes up most of your thinking. I'm a student in the same position, surrounded by people who value identity very highly. It can be difficult being in their presence, and often I get caught up. Envy creeps in too. Finding a purpose in the form of a career, or a passion, is difficult as a career is a relatively new concept. We learn to want jobs; the concept of jobs to nature would be perplexing. I understand that jobs are necessary to function to a certain level in the world, and as such most of us will work to support ourselves and others. You can choose to pursue something that you like to do, or you can choose to pursue something else that you may not like as much. Someone might say that there is a lot of difference there, but I would disagree. You are no closer to consciousness in either one.

My suggestion is to just continue to practice presence - the saying "everything always works out" is true for one simple reason: there is nothing wrong in anything. How can it not work out?
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby sunnyjo » Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:50 pm

Hi Eckhart,

Great advice. Although I am quite settled now - in not knowing :)

Really good point you make regarding the mind seeking a new identity. I can recognise (now), that this was what was happening.

I hope others will be reassured and comforted by this advice whilst in this period of disassociation.

Love
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Lost after awakening!

Postby zerominusnothing » Wed Apr 14, 2010 12:16 am

i know the feeling well...and while youre in confusion , as i am you will never make an unconfused choice...its like a man with oil all over one hand...and he tries to clear it off by rubbing it with his other hand...more mess! sometimes nothing much can be done apart from on the practical level..you know go for a walk have a drink, go jogging, have a sleep etc,,,sometimes all i can say is agggggggggggggggg
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