Fear of becoming honest to people and myself

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Fear of becoming honest to people and myself

Postby fedupgirl » Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:58 pm

Since my childhood I have this fear of becoming honest to people and myself, emotionally and mentally. This is because if I let my true feelings and thoughts expressed to others, I might feel guily or hurt as I might say hurtful things to others or I might say strange things I shouldn't really say out loud. I tend to not look at my feelings and thoughts even when I'm alone, and I think it's because I might feel guilty for thinking the way I think or feel.

I had always wished I were more natural. But unfortunately this lead to acting like a "spontaneous, natural me" when I'm around people which maybe Eckhart mentioned in his book. Which sometimes looks awkward and is very tiring and energy-wasting, and leads to intense void and depression in the end.

When I'm depressed, I act like a happy person so that people don't worry about me causing unhappiness in them because of me, or don't try to help me even though they don't really want to help me in their head or heart.

Self-expression is very very hard. I think I've never truly done it. I feel like I consist of fear, guilt and shame. I feel like I'm living a very rigid life. There's no creativity or freedom or desires. I want to follow my desires or needs but I feel like I can't or shouldn't.
Unhappiness buys me nothing.
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Re: Fear of becoming honest to people and myself

Postby heidi » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:50 am

Wow, you have expressed something that brings many people to these teachings and you have done it exquisitely. You are talking about a deep inner physical reaction to speaking your truth - to defining your boundaries. I can highly recommend the MC2 Method (http://www.mc2method.com) to help you get past the emo/inner body/resistance factor that you describe. Having healthy boundaries is what you are talking about. Presenting those boundaries at the get go (seems rude to us who have been conditioned to be "polite") is actually the most liberating and empowering thing you can do. Make a habit of it. Define your boundaries and once that is done, they are clear and present to those who might unconsciously violate them.

Big lesson in my life. :)
Heidi
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Re: Fear of becoming honest to people and myself

Postby fedupgirl » Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:08 am

Heidi, thank youuu for your helpful comment :D
I may try MC2.
Unhappiness buys me nothing.
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