Who am I really

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Who am I really

Postby sunnyjo » Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:11 pm

Dear all,

Ok, the outside situation: at the moment no job, living with parents again, no money, nothing to give me a sense of self. I was very happy three weeks ago when I was serving in a community - I lived and worked here and I felt that I was serving from a genuine place.

I am ok on a practical level, comfortable place to stay, able to eat etc. I also have a job coming up at the end of Jan. I feel that I cant wait to start this job to take myself away from the nothingness. However, I recognise that in the meantime this is an opportunity to look deeper into who I am without an outside function in this world. I can sense a desperate grasping for an identity again. There has been moments when I have asked who I am resulting in a massive space to let whatever emotion to happen but now there doesnt seem to be this space. There is just an overall sense of being unable to orientate myself as I have nothing to attach to my sense of self.

Any advice?

Thank you very much

Joanna
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Who am I really

Postby Cheshirecat » Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:11 pm

This is what I do, might help you, might not. :?: For me it's all about awareness so this is what I do.

sunnyjo wrote: "I am" is aware that Joanna cant wait to start this job to take herself away from the nothingness. However,she recognise that in the meantime this is an opportunity to look deeper into who she is without an outside function in this world. She can sense a desperate grasping for an identity again. There has been moments when she has asked who she is resulting in a massive space to let whatever emotion to happen but now there doesnt seem to be this space. There is just an overall sense of being unable to orientate herself as she have nothing to attach to her sense of self.



Doing this helps me seperate The "I am" from the ego driven me.
If you see me before I get back....ask me to wait. Cheshire Cat
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Re: Who am I really

Postby sunnyjo » Sat Dec 18, 2010 4:35 am

Thank you for that suggestion cheshire cat :)
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Who am I really

Postby anton » Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:40 am

Stop the self-pity and take self-responsibility.
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Re: Who am I really

Postby randomguy » Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:47 pm

There has been moments when I have asked who I am resulting in a massive space to let whatever emotion to happen but now there doesnt seem to be this space.

The expanding and contracting of a sense of space and openness although pleasant when open is in the realm of ever changing experience and state. This is coming and going. Allow attention to take root in the changless noticing of what comes and goes.
There is just an overall sense of being unable to orientate myself as I have nothing to attach to my sense of self.

We're in free-fall and come to notice it. Attention to thought that stirs the movement to change "what is" diminishes. In this case something may stir to correct the sensation of disorientation. But it is the disorientation that is the doorway. Whatever is, is the doorway and it is entered by receptive noticing. Orientation from a identified viewpoint is what conditioned mind seeks to produce, but this is unnecessary and is part of what obscures reality. So if I'm reading it as intended, that statemet sounds right on to me. Ask if you really need to have orientation formed in that way. There is a larger current that carries the burdens that we normally imagine the mind having obligation to bear. Just do nothing to alter what awareness falls upon. Like Ramana says, stillness is all that is required.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: Who am I really

Postby sunnyjo » Sat Dec 18, 2010 9:05 pm

Excuse me, Anton. Where in my post does it suggest that I am pitying myself and not taking responsibility? I am not wallowing in self-pity. There are moments of stuggle but I think that I am taking responsibility by questioning and going deeper in moments of struggle to see what is actually happening.

Ramdon thank you. Yes this makes sense. I appreciate your response!
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Who am I really

Postby Snuppy » Tue Dec 21, 2010 7:53 am

I feel your doing great. You could keep in mind, most people run, take substances, do something, anything bar facing ones situation. You've described it
in a forum, which is far from what most do under similar situations. What I have in the past kept in mind, is the fact that if I move, only the scenery changes. Just a thought of course. ;)
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Re: Who am I really

Postby sunnyjo » Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:55 pm

Ahh thank you snuppy.

New development: I have a new job and it seems that I have replaced this emptiness and fear of being nobody with anxiety over the new job. Oh joy! :D

Tis all fine - just more fuel for the fire :)
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Who am I really

Postby sunnyjo » Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:09 pm

"fear of being nobody"

Wow, that says a lot. I have just found something else to enquire into.
"We are the mirror, as well as the face in it"

Rumi
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Re: Who am I really

Postby Snuppy » Tue Dec 21, 2010 10:00 pm

look and perhaps their is the seeing that their is only looking, only concentrating. no you separate from it...
perhaps no you not seperate from it. OH hang on that makes you something now doesn't it.....
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Re: Who am I really

Postby jamestown0101 » Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:25 pm

By losing all those forms of attachment, what is left is then you. In the bible, you have Abram ask God, "who are you." The response is, "yah-way," which means, "I am that I am." Through personal suffering, it is quite easy to go into a role, to play the victim, and as a being, to seek out some sense of meaning or greater purpose to attach oneself to identify with. I've had quite a bit of struggling myself going on to start the year off. I find, whenever I am at my worst, close to hitting bottom, lending a helping hand, giving even when I feel I have little to give seems to raise my energy level. Not sure what this is but, Depak talks about the 7 spiritual laws of success. The law of giving & receiving seems to touch on this quite a bit. I recommend trying not to seek a sense of self which is only prone to fail and collapse as with ever form. I wish you luck on your spiritual journey.
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