Social Anxiety

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

Social Anxiety

Postby JM2011 » Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:23 pm

Hi I am new btw :)

Basically I have been having issues with social anxiety my whole life and I just can't seem to disidentify from those thoughts. I have stopped myself from meeting new people for many years because I worry that they will ridicule me over my appearance and/or personality traits. I was bullied in the past alot and I am scared of getting hurt again. I have no idea on what way to handle situations with difficult people and this makes up a large part of the overall fear. Any suggestions on how to handle difficult people without creating more problems would be appreciated.

Thanks
JM2011
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:08 pm

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby Goldmundo » Sat Mar 19, 2011 6:48 am

This is probably not what you are a expecting, but do you masturbate/orgasm/whatch porn a lot?

If so, take a look to this page: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
You have no idea how this can change your life!
Many many people have healed from social anxiety thanks to this.

If you have any question please let me know!

Many symptoms, one cause:
People arrive here with lots of different symptoms, which they're not always sure are due to their heavy porn use. Confusion is understandable because the symptoms look so different:

distress about escalation to more extreme porn
copulatory impotence (can get it up for porn, but not partners)
frequent masturbation, little satisfaction ("feeling like a lust-ball all day")
severe, worsening social anxiety
growing erectile dysfunction, even with extreme porn.
morphing porn tastes that don't match sexual orientation (HOCD)
inability to concentrate, extreme restlessness
Goldmundo
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:40 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby JM2011 » Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:47 pm

Woah got me off guard there :shock:

Anyone else have any suggestions, this is really bothering me
JM2011
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:08 pm

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby Quinn » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:13 pm

Hi JM,
A book that really got through to me about this issue is "Awareness" by Anthony DeMello. There's a part in there that opened my eyes to something - a particular conditioning that most of us embodied. It's the (perceived) need to please, to get approval. He calls approval a drug. And while we're addicted to this drug, we become puppets, trying to act this way or that way in order to get our 'fix'. Which of course doesn't work, because anything we do can be judged positively or negatively depending on who's doing the judging. It's a very difficult way to live and it takes a lot of energy to sustain.

Just becoming aware of this conditioning can be a huge step in freedom from it. But then we can run up against the fear of disapproval.
JM2011 wrote:I have no idea on what way to handle situations with difficult people and this makes up a large part of the overall fear.

What if you didn't handle it well? What if you really blew it? Just like any fear, we have to go through it to get past it.

Believe me, you can jump through hoops trying to handle social situations perfectly, only to have someone come out of left field and tell you what a jerk you are. May as well forget about jumping through the hoops in the first place. Whatever we do, no matter how well intentioned, someone's not gonna like it. :)
Quinn
 
Posts: 408
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:52 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby JM2011 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:40 pm

Thanks very much for the reply Quinn, I guess I am going to have to jump into the deep end as it where and just feel the fear anyway
JM2011
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:08 pm

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby nightowl » Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:23 pm

Hello JM. Let me second the recommendation for 'Awareness' by Anthony De Mello. This was the book that started it all for me :).

BTW, if you are not religious, do not let the fact that De Mello was a Catholic priest turn you off. I have no religious affiliation, but this book helped me tremendously. It was also my introduction to Tolle in an offhand way. A couple of Amazon reviews mentioned Tolle in their review of Awareness...the rest is history.
Last edited by nightowl on Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
nightowl
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 7:36 pm

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby runstrails » Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:54 pm

nightowl wrote:
Hell JM. Let me second the recommendation for 'Awareness' by Anthony De Mello. This was the book that started it all for me :).

BTW, if you are not religious, do not let the fact that De Mello was a Catholic priest turn you off. I have no religious affiliation, but this book helped me tremendously. It was also my introduction to Tolle in an offhand way. A couple of Amazon reviews mentioned Tolle in their review of Awareness...the rest is history.


That was exactly my trajectory too! I had never heard of Tolle until I read about him in comments/reviews related to DeMello.
runstrails
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 2123
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:33 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby babu357 » Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:27 am

JM2011 wrote:Hi I am new btw :)

Basically I have been having issues with social anxiety my whole life and I just can't seem to disidentify from those thoughts. I have stopped myself from meeting new people for many years because I worry that they will ridicule me over my appearance and/or personality traits. I was bullied in the past alot and I am scared of getting hurt again. I have no idea on what way to handle situations with difficult people and this makes up a large part of the overall fear. Any suggestions on how to handle difficult people without creating more problems would be appreciated.

Thanks

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering.I can relate so much . Years ago I had Selective Mutisim . Which is an extreme form of social anxiety.
With Mindfulness and the Power of Now there's' so much that which helps with things like this. Dis-identifying with your mind will help you dis-identify with those thoughts. Watching those thoughts without judging them is a helpful. Then its brings awareness to them. It brings you back into the present moment and away from your thinking.

Most of the help that was given to me was focused on doing . Just push yourself and it'll get better. Force yourself. Those words make me cringe now.I pushed myself so much. I made myself sick.I wound up talking to people and I got praised because of that. But I found no satisfaction in anything. I lost myself. what struck me a while back is I read about Selective Mutism being and anxiety disorder. The same goes for social anxiety of course it's got it in the title.;)
So I thought what happens when I force myself in these situations. I create more anxiety. Which in turn makes my social skills worse. Makes me feel horrible really. Makes me want to avoid the situation entirely. The idea is to lesson the anxiety. The less anxious I feel the more I am able to relate to others.

It's hard if you were bullied in the past. I never had that. I was too afraid to let that happened. I would hide. I'd try to never get noticed Just to avoid that sort of thing. I saw it happen to another little girl and I felt so bad for her. I thought It would kill me. I thought I could not bear it if that happened to me. So I have to be nice and quiet so no one will bother me. But then I was alone. Which was just as painful. Being overlooked all of the time is so painful.
When i finally started opening up I decided it was okay. If I was a goof then I was a goof. So what everyone else is. If I messed up so what everyone else does. If they make fun of me so what, everyone else gets made fun of. I started to come out of my shell and I had some expereinced of kids in school making fun of me. At first I wanted to run and hide but then I cried and it felt good. I had some real feelings for a change. And it didn't kill me. And I really didn't give a S*** what those kids thought of me anyway.LOL I was so scared and when it actually happened it was not as bad as I thought. I survived and I thrived. I began to talk more naturally and when I messed up I'd laugh at it.I learned to use my sense of humor to laugh at things I once took so seriously.
It's a hard thing. But the best you can do for yourself is to accept yourself. Love yourself in spite of your faults. Love your faults. Those ones that might bully you ..well that's not personal, that's them, not you. That's their issues or un consciousness coming up. That's them saying my daddy didn't love me so I'm going to make myself feel better by trying to hurt you.
I 'm reading a book now called the hypersensitive person. You might be interested in it. I've just started it but It's very good.
I hope I'v e been of some help somehow...and you're fine just as you are.
babu357
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby enigma » Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:21 pm

Goldmundo wrote:This is probably not what you are a expecting, but do you masturbate/orgasm/whatch porn a lot?

If so, take a look to this page: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
You have no idea how this can change your life!
Many many people have healed from social anxiety thanks to this.

If you have any question please let me know!

Many symptoms, one cause:
People arrive here with lots of different symptoms, which they're not always sure are due to their heavy porn use. Confusion is understandable because the symptoms look so different:

distress about escalation to more extreme porn
copulatory impotence (can get it up for porn, but not partners)
frequent masturbation, little satisfaction ("feeling like a lust-ball all day")
severe, worsening social anxiety
growing erectile dysfunction, even with extreme porn.
morphing porn tastes that don't match sexual orientation (HOCD)
inability to concentrate, extreme restlessness


OMG! :shock:
enigma
 
Posts: 1067
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:51 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby walken » Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:26 pm

JM2011 wrote:Hi I am new btw :)

Basically I have been having issues with social anxiety my whole life and I just can't seem to disidentify from those thoughts. I have stopped myself from meeting new people for many years because I worry that they will ridicule me over my appearance and/or personality traits. I was bullied in the past alot and I am scared of getting hurt again. I have no idea on what way to handle situations with difficult people and this makes up a large part of the overall fear. Any suggestions on how to handle difficult people without creating more problems would be appreciated.

Thanks


This is also an issue that I struggled with immensely. I still do, but it's easier now that I'm getting to understand the beliefs that effect my social behavoir. This may not be the case for you, but I think that people with social anxiety were often sheltered of not socialized very well as a kid. This, at least, was my experience. People with social anxiety are also often too nice. In other words, they sacrifice their own well being for the "well being of others". Check this out: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/ ... bryson.pdf

Regarding beliefs, I can point out one in your post:

Any suggestions on how to handle difficult people without creating more problems would be appreciated.


When I started taking this to inquiry, I found this same belief hidden in my psychie... That by confronting people I would be creating more conflict. In other words, I believed that if I did or said a certain thing that conflict would be the result. As a result, I would suffer. I would suffer because I didn't stand up for myself and I would go home feeling guilty for being cowardice and beat myself up. So not only was I destroying existing relationships and preventing potential new ones by not speaking my mind, I would go home alone and beat myself up.

Another good idea is to look at the fears that underly that behavoir. What I found is that there is some conflict at the level of the mind, especially with regards to fear and desire. I wanted to speak my mind, but i was afraid of a certain reaction. I think that whenever there is internal conflict with fears and desires the result is suffering. On some level there will be guilt.

I also found that I tend to avoid conflict because I'm afraid of hurting other peoples feelings. Again there is conflict... I want to act/communicate a certain way, but I fear that I'll hurt someone.

Ultimately, though, I found that the mother of all fears underlying my social behavior was that of being alone. I feared that if I didn't speak my mind, or confront other people, that people wouldn't like me, or that I would piss them off, and that I would be alone. Isn't it ironic that my fear of being alone manifested simply because I believed something that ultimately wasn't true?

Some other beliefs I found lurking in the shadows:
- That I should or could be different from who I currently am (investigating one's conditioning can destroy this belief)
- That other people are rotten and cruel
- That it was not okay to speak my mind if it hurt somebody else

I'm still kind of new at this inquiry, so I don't have it all worked out yet. but I think that until unconscious beliefs are brought to light, the same unconscious behavior and thought patterns will continue, as will the suffering.
walken
 
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:41 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby minaret » Wed May 04, 2011 5:25 pm

This is an interesting topic. I suffer from it. This year I got to the point when i would tremble in social settings, and decided to either avoid them, or have an alcoholic drink or take a tranquilliser beforehand.

As im very interested in TPN and Eckharts teachings generally, I have had to look at this issue.

In a way this whole issue,, which my mind interpreted as 'bad' has forced me into spending more and more of my life in presence.

Because not only would my mind constantly nag me before a social situation, but also after it. Over and over my mind would churn about this ' bad' situation....until I couldnt stand myself. I almost wanted to slip under the water in the bath and end it all.

I started to 'switch of the mind' and think of nothing at all at those times when I knew the mind wanted to churn over and over (just before sleep or when I woke in the night). I would shut my eyes and focus on empty space or feeling the inner body. Some days I felt I was spending half my time doing this. Then i heard of Leonard Jacobson. he recommended allowing feelings to surface and just watching them...not reacting to them.

So the next time mind was churning again, I really acknowledge where all this pain was surfacing, where this voice seemed to emanate from, it seemed to come from my solar plexus and middle of my head. I focussed on this 'pain' and allowed it, not suppressing it. It was as though this pain was an energy. It started moving around, first my solar plexus then my shoulders, then my head, round and round it went. Then it all went quite. There was an energy still there, but much more subtle. I did this several more times on different occasions. The energy is there sometimes and sometimes it isnt.

Anyway the next social occasion came round, I had spent 20 mins chanting to calm that nagging voice in the head. No tranks, no alcohol. It took me into quiteness and presence. I went into the social setting very peaceful, no judgement, no nothing. My head was empty of expectation, empty of everything...and the evening went very peaceful too. Everything arises out of emptyness says Eckhart. And it did.

I can see how it works now. I am not always so calm, but I can use this stuff, I know what to do.Empty that nagging mind. Its not always easy. But I will keep going with this. I dont trust the voice in my head any more... its 90% unreliable and very repetitive. Try emptyness.
"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free". Kazantzakis
minaret
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:38 pm
Location: Spain

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby hanss » Wed May 04, 2011 5:46 pm

Maybe this method could be useful:
http://www.mc2method.com/
"In today's rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being."
(Eckhart Tolle)
hanss
 
Posts: 673
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 4:14 pm
Location: Gothenburg - Sweden

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby jazz » Fri May 20, 2011 3:13 pm

Hello. I've had social anxiety since around the age of 15 and I'm now 31. I started medicating with alcohol which resulted in alcoholism, so I went the 12 step way of AA, recovered and now find that my social anxiety has gotten a lot better. What has helped me a lot is accepting the anxiety and thoughts when they arise. Instead of actively figuring out how to avoid the anxiety and what you can "dooo" to make it go away, just accept it when it arises, watch it be as it is and do what you have to do. It's like saying "hello there anxiety, how are we today, nice to see you!", and not getting in a fight or flight mode.

Of course, not identifying with the thoughts and feelings is great too, if you can do that. I'm not that far into this whole thing that I don't identify with thoughts and feelings but I'm getting there slowly and in the meantime it's been really helpful to just accepet whatever arises and just let it be. Resistance don't work very well.

Good luck :)
jazz
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 1:43 am

Re: Social Anxiety

Postby imago dei » Mon Nov 19, 2012 12:35 am

JM2011 wrote:Hi I am new btw :)

Basically I have been having issues with social anxiety my whole life and I just can't seem to disidentify from those thoughts. I have stopped myself from meeting new people for many years because I worry that they will ridicule me over my appearance and/or personality traits. I was bullied in the past alot and I am scared of getting hurt again. I have no idea on what way to handle situations with difficult people and this makes up a large part of the overall fear. Any suggestions on how to handle difficult people without creating more problems would be appreciated.

Thanks

Hi there!!
Nice to read your post. I was just like you since some time ago, it was really a tragedy for me coz i couldn't go out of home, none ever accepted me at work (my disease was visible), often happened that people laughed at me...it wasn't pleasant at all. Btw this is what i did: i put my attention in the present moment, nothing else. Don't worry about your toughts like "i dunno how to behave", "i feel ridicolous", "i can't relate to other people"...just let those unpleasant things go, they don't belong to you. Step by step, you'll become a self-confident, friendly person. I was once extremely anxious, and my memories are still "hard". I think one day your "good" behaviour will be automatic.
Know thyself.
User avatar
imago dei
 
Posts: 188
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:23 pm
Location: Germany


Return to Pain and Suffering

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron