I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Topics related to physical, emotional and psychological forms of pain and suffering

I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby artista » Mon May 23, 2011 2:59 pm

...what? Presence. Stillness. Inner peace.
I know. It's here, always. But I don't feel it these days.
I discovered Tolle's work few years ago while dealing with anxiety and some big issues in my life and it helped me a lot. I discovered peace and serenity within me and thought it would never go away. Anxiety and extreme tension came again recently triggered with my father's death few months ago, along with my constant isolation from people (at home with 2 small kids) and recently diagnosed problem with my eye (I very hardly accept it, I'm an illustrator and this affects my work and perception a lot).
I feel too much, I think too much, analyze too much, judge too much, I'm hard on myself. It's all my inner struggle, and I wonder why does it have to be that way. I really want to be gentle towards myself, but don't know how anymore. Psychologist I went to few years ago (Cognitive Behavioral therapy) told me I am one of the most "normal" people she counsels (because I kept repeating I think I'm going crazy :) and that I am "very introspective, maybe too much." Speaking of introspection - my problem is that I feel everything very "physical", every negative thought or feeling reflects in my body as a physical discomfort. So it's no wonder I often have headaches or feel very tired. And I feel great resistance towards it (yes, it makes it even worst). Like I control myself constantly...which is totally opposite of being present.
Psychologist commented my interested in mindfulness and similar topics like "that's not for you. You are already too analytical". Now I wonder if she was right because I feel lost with all this at the moment, and don't have literally one single person beside me to speak to about it. Awareness, presence, mindfulness...it's something I have been exploring last couple of years by myself but sometimes you really need someone to talk to about it. That's why I'm posting my "little story" here, because I read this wonderful forum from time to time and know how many amazing people are here, on the same path.
Please excuse me if I wrote something wrongly, I'm not very good in writing english :D
Surrender to present moment, be one with life.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby xkatex » Tue May 24, 2011 4:47 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NNw_erB ... ideo_title

You were speaking about mindfulness - this may help :) Just kind of allowing the pain? You may be surprised at how quickly it goes after that?
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby xxx » Tue May 24, 2011 7:43 pm

Artista,

I lose my way all the time. Then the one thing that pulls me back is self-compassion.

Have utter compassion for yourself about everything, the sadness of your father, the problem with your eye, the kids keeping you from getting enough sleep. Feel it strongly, as strongly as you need to without going into thought circles. Then let it go.

Of course you will still have lingering emotions, accept them, accept what is.

Then inhabit your body. I do this with yoga, but it isn't necessary to use yoga. Feel every part of your body, the tips of your toes, the insides of your ears, your whole torso, all of it. Then feel the joy of being alive return once more. Add some rhythmic breathing and I bet you will feel loads better, and much closer to that inner peace you feel you've lost.

The rest of the work comes from you.

All my love, xxx
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby eagle2phoenix » Wed May 25, 2011 3:22 pm

Sounds so much like my life situation these past few years. My question is this - Is it the collective unconsciousness (or collective past emotional pain or collective pain body) that is affecting people like us? I keep feeling that I lost it ever so often. Medically they name it depression. The times I feel so negative, I feel the pain body in me all twisted like a gremlin and the ego mocking me to feel bad. Each time, I need to spend some time with nature in a park for me to re-connect with my true self again.
Life is fascinating. Nature is beautiful. Live life with nature.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby Mtn Wanderer » Wed May 25, 2011 8:29 pm

Being analytical can be an asset, but with management of thoughts and feelings the mind is on a crash course. Good news is the landing is worth the fall. I don't know any way, but the way I've been, and that is to the place before all the entanglements occurred. Before children, before eyes opened, before pain, before name. I am. That's my resting spot. Even when analyzed and questioned, even when doubted I am left with that alone being a place to rest. There is no other. When every-thing, all forms, look and feel negative and all questions wrap you in webs of answers... feel the ground under you. I stand and feel gravity of the planet and the pull of the stars. Just Breath. When your NOW is crowded with loss, pain, tears, sobs, blood rushing, questions, so many obvious ANSWERS to the same questions, etc... Now is NOT comfortable. That's why, for me, going to the place before now, before time and tendrils of attachments occurred. Not going to the past, but to the place of timelessness. Moments there reach out to each other and will eventually connect.

I've found Mooji's videos and web site helps me focus on the inner, always me, the I. Listening has allowed me to pull away from the recurring thoughts and feelings temporarily, and instead of asking ego? pain body? tendencies? conditioning? realize the always present [I], the watcher, who was there before you were named, is unchanged by all the chaos which your mind projects onto circumstance. Just stay. No judgements. Watch the chaos. It is not you. Toni Packer has some good stuff on NOT being the DOER in one's journey. Notice, though, what turns down the volume of your thoughts. If you catch a moment of pseudo peace... notice. Without reaching or trying to make it happen again. Just be aware. You'll find your key. Different than the one you had a few years ago, but just as effective.

I wish you all the best.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby artista » Thu May 26, 2011 3:11 pm

xkatex thnx for the link, very interesting question and Adya's response, brilliant as always. It's trap ego falls into so easily. Allowing the pain - yes, I know it's the key. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don't, still practicing ;)

xxx thank you for mentioning self-compassion, it really made me think. It's interesting how often we judge/blame/compare ourselves to other and make ourselves miserable with this automatic games of our mind. Tolle said that we either love or hate ourselves, but it is much better not to have any relationship with ourself. I agree, although it seems quite hard to accomplish. Why not be gentle and loving towards ones self, it makes everything so much easier. To be able to forgive yourself, and to take all this enlightenment/mindfulness stuff a bit more loose.
Speaking of self-compassion, I came to this website and love it, maybe some of you will find it interesting too. Some good insights and guided meditations:
http://www.self-compassion.org/

eagle2phoenix nature helps me too. Listening to my favourite music or talking to my good friends, and yes...sex can be also helpful :D
Is it the collective unconsciousness, collective past emotional pain or collective pain body that is affecting people like us? I don't know. Probably some people are much more sensitive and react more than others. I just don't want to analyze myself anymore. It brings just huge amount of suffering and unease with what is for me.

Mtn Wanderer thank you for your response, it really moved me.
Mtn Wanderer wrote:When every-thing, all forms, look and feel negative and all questions wrap you in webs of answers... feel the ground under you. I stand and feel gravity of the planet and the pull of the stars. Just Breath. When your NOW is crowded with loss, pain, tears, sobs, blood rushing, questions, so many obvious ANSWERS to the same questions, etc... Now is NOT comfortable. That's why, for me, going to the place before now, before time and tendrils of attachments occurred. Not going to the past, but to the place of timelessness.

So beautiful. I can feel peace and presence while reading your words.
I will check out Mooji's videos for sure + Toni Packer too. I'm so glad you found your key. I know I'll find mine too again, as you said - maybe different than the one I had few years ago, but just as effective. Thank you again for your kind, inspiring, comforting words. I really appreciate it.
Surrender to present moment, be one with life.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby hanss » Thu May 26, 2011 8:44 pm

xxx wrote:Then inhabit your body. I do this with yoga, but it isn't necessary to use yoga. Feel every part of your body, the tips of your toes, the insides of your ears, your whole torso, all of it. Then feel the joy of being alive return once more. Add some rhythmic breathing and I bet you will feel loads better, and much closer to that inner peace you feel you've lost.


What he/she said. Actually this is a large part of the Mindfulness practice (original). I don't know how it is in your country but here most people seem to skip the inhabit your body part and think it is all about eating mindfully.
"In today's rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being."
(Eckhart Tolle)
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby xxx » Thu May 26, 2011 9:34 pm

I don't know how much it has to do with country. The Western Society in which i was culturally identified and continue to exist in is full of false happiness and value on money. I did not realize the capacity for a mind-body connection, or how it would change my life. For me inhabiting my body, feeling my body, is essential for being, and for being now.

I have heard on this site a couple of times about how you always have to look within for everything, and that people who need people are somewhat pathetic. I think it's true that peace comes from within. But, basic observations of humans will easily persuade you that people are happier around other people. If you don't have friends to count on, then work with what you've got. Befriend your mailman, your neighbor. Ignore the socio-economic status, or their state of enlightenment, or the number of felonies they have committed or whatever causes judgement--- and allow them to be part of your life.

Most observed people rarely smile when alone, but often smile with others. We naturally exist better around others, so use that when you have hard times, and when you have good times.

You sound improved in your last post artista. Music and art are there for us all too, use them in your healing.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby RCharles » Fri May 27, 2011 7:01 am

Artista, I just wanted to add that life has its stages or cycles. When we are in a cycle that is very busy or filled with difficult experiences, like grief, it's totally natural to lose the way for a while. The path didn't go anywhere. It's still there. You have just wandered off of it for a little while. You need some time to grieve and deal with those feelings. When healing begins to happen, it's likely peace will begin to return also. Try not to worry about losing peace, since that's just one more complication to deal with on top of the emotional struggles. Let yourself feel the emotions and get them out. If you have a spiritual practice, keep it up, and it will eventually lead you back to the path after your time of grieving is finished.

Chuck
"They are all...perfect..." --Ken Watanabe, dying scene in the movie The Last Samurai
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby snowheight » Mon May 30, 2011 10:52 am

Mtn Wanderer wrote:Notice, though, what turns down the volume of your thoughts. If you catch a moment of pseudo peace... notice. Without reaching or trying to make it happen again. Just be aware. You'll find your key. Different than the one you had a few years ago, but just as effective.


Yes ... "what works" seems to shift and change -- that distinction ... "pseudo peace", that's a great pointer.
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby artista » Tue May 31, 2011 10:58 pm

I feel I'm back on the path these days. Don't know how it happened, but it did. When you actually stop seeking, you find everything you seek. So simple and true.
And than you realize you don't need special circumstances that will bring you into that state of presence, that it's all already here, now, within you, always. When you feel it in the middle of the business meeting or walking in the street and when you realize that you don't need to be on the top of the mountain and meditate for hours (which is absolutely beautiful, off course :D) to bring yourself in that state. When you experience that, than everything feels so...simple and utterly beautiful. Things are as they should be right in this moment for all of us, but many times our mind trick us and projects chaos onto circumstance, as Mtn Wanderer said in his beautiful post.
Thank you for mentioning Toni Packer, she is brilliant. Here is something from one of her articles I want to share with you - beautiful analogy between "weather" and "ourselves":

"A somber day, isn't it? Dark, cloudy, cool, moist and windy. Amazing, this whole affair of "the weather!" We call it "weather," but what is it really? Wind. Rain. Clouds slowly parting. Not the words spoken about it, but just this darkening, blowing, pounding, wetting, and then lightening up, blue sky appearing amidst darkness, and sunshine sparkling on wet grasses and leaves. In a little while there'll be frost, snow and ice-covers. And then warming again, melting, oozing water everywhere. On an early spring day the dirt road sparkles with streams of wet silver. So — what is "weather" other than this incessant change of earthly conditions and all the human thoughts, feelings, and undertakings influenced by it? Like and dislike. Depression and elation. Creation and destruction. An ongoing, ever changing stream of happenings abiding nowhere. No entity "weather" to be found except in thinking and talking about it.

Now — is there such an entity as "me," "I," "myself?" Or is it just like the "weather" — an ongoing, ever changing stream of ideas, images, memories, projections, likes and dislikes, creations and destructions, which thought keeps calling "I," "me," "Toni," and thereby solidifying what is evanescent? What am I really, truly, and what do I think and believe I am? Are we interested in exploring this amazing affair of "myself" from moment to moment? Is this, maybe, the essence of retreat work? Exploring ourselves minutely beyond the peace and quiet that we are seeking and maybe finding. Coming upon clarity about this deep sense of separation which we call "me," and "other people," without any need to condemn or overcome.

Most human beings take it totally for granted that I am "me," and that "me" is this body, this mind, this knowledge and sense about myself which so obviously feels separate from other people. The language in which we talk to ourselves and to each other inevitably implies separate "me's," and "you's" all the time. All of us talk "I" and "you" talk, we think it, write it, read it, and dream it with rarely any pause. There is incessant reinforcement of the sense of "I," "me," separate from others. Isolated. Insulated. Not understood. How is one to come upon the truth if separation is taken so much for granted, feels so common sense?

The difficulty is not insurmountable. Wholeness, true being, is here all the time, like the sun behind the clouds. Daylight is here in spite of cloud cover."
Surrender to present moment, be one with life.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby artista » Tue May 31, 2011 11:02 pm

xxx, I agree with you, we do "need" people. Not because they will make us happy, not because they will bring us peace or fulfill us...they won't. We "need" other people in much more profound way, beyond words. It is our human nature, we enjoy sharing our own presence with others.
Surrender to present moment, be one with life.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby Gerald » Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:57 pm

I am very new to the 'now' and rarely experience it although I do know some people who really are in the 'now' and they are happy despite their problems. It is difficult being alone with responsibilities; always having to be strong enough to cope etc. Right now I have it very difficult myself. I haven't yet been able to float above the mind. You mentioned cognitive therapy (CBT). Well I have used that myself but the way I understand it is that what ET is teaching is a kind of no-thought whereas CBT consists of changing thoughts from negative to realistic or positive. ET's teachings differs from CBT in as much as he proclaims that one should stop thinking (rise above it and see the thoughts at a distance)and only use mind as an instrument when you need it. This is great if you could do that but if ones life situation is such that you feel deeply inside that you desperately need to change your life then one naturally uses the mind to try and locate a solution. If the problem is difficult then your constantly trying to find answers to problems only adds to the other negativity already stored in your pain-body. I am not sure if I have understood ET here, hopefully someone can enlighten me on this.
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby far_eastofwest » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:41 pm

Hi artista,

You are NOT analytical. No one is Anything you can put a label on unless its a physical thing like you are a mother or father. You may address many problems in an analitycal way but that doesn't make you analytical.

I hear adults say to their children "you are thoughtless/silly/unkind/naughty" not good, kids like adults take on these labels. (negative labels stick more than positive). Rather when a child has acted untoward state "You have ACTED thoughtless/silly/unkind/naughty".
Also you are not an illustrator but a person that does illustrations! many people label themselves by what they do not who they are. This is the reason many retirees fade off and die soon after leaving the workforce.... all their lives they have been 'a carpenter, clerk whatever' and when that gone they don't know what is left to define themselves. Oprah did some shows on this subject.

I had a lot of headaches etc and found food the trigger not my 'emotions'.
Despite my dear friend for years telling me (not so bluntly) it was my fault I was laid up all the time (the law of attraction stuff - i simply wasn't attracting the right things).

Changing to eating indian food and fruit and veg and i feel 20 years younger and hardly sick. Like a new person really, just not stuffing the excuse for food that is at the supermarket into my mouth. The books are wonderful but if pressed I would have to say lentils change my life.

Looking after children is hugely taxing, you have to be aware all the time so they don't wander off, get bitten by the dog, swallow cleaning stuff, fall off the edge of whatever they have climbed, poke things into the electric sockets, pull a cabinet down on them, clean up constantly their art efforts, food, chat to them, help them dress, eat, toilet, teeth, hair, bathing. Its all good but its 24/7 so you need to look after yourself, the inner part and the outer shell.
Being in the moment is not compatable with raising children safely, you need to 'worry' and think ahead lots because the result for little children if you don't is death. Of course you can do spiritual stuff part time when the little ones are asleep or with them when doing crafty stuff or just enjoying the ladybugs.
cheers
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Especially when there is no cat....
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Re: I know it can't be lost but I feel I lost it

Postby Mtn Wanderer » Thu Jun 09, 2011 2:59 pm

Gerald...
I read your post and wanted to know how you were faring. I'm drawn to your looking for another kind of life beyond the mere handling of life situations. I think you're already aware that we (others) can only point. The work (which does itself) is done alone. But in a group, somehow. I am rooting for you, and for us all, at the same time. I, too, was newish to ET and Awareness when life situations overtook me. There are good suggestions (and why) in the thread for favorite spiritual teachers.

One thing that was something of an insight for me, having been 'left behind', erased by another (all thoughts which carry less weight than when new)... by my significant other... was that sometimes WE are the ones 'left' when someone who's 'enlightened' sits on a park bench for 2 years in 'bliss'. The trauma and turmoil of having to take care of what's been left behind can be our own path to 'enlightenment'. Park bench in bliss, leaves behind despair, details, panic and pain. I don't want to point you to a park bench... but I only want to say that this IS the flip side of peace, bliss. They are 2 sides to the same coin.

I wish you peace, and moments of rest, and everything that enables the full expression of those moments. Basically... wish you life, which is happening already bigger than we can imagine. Rest now and again... it will go on. I hope you can keep (us) me posted.

Connie
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