Well, within the first 3-4 minutes I was writing about a lot of surface stuff that was going on, nothing that really bothered me too much, only a little. And then after a few minutes of writing I couldn't really figure out what the hell was REALLY bothering me, but there was this feeling of being partial, like I wasn't complete. And I started focusing in on this, and I started to become enraged and sad at the same time, not being able to realize why there was this feeling of divisiveness. And well, I think it would be easier If I just copy and pasted what I wrote down.
I realize in reading this it may seem melodramatic, but after writing this down I started to shake, tear-up in frustration, and tense up. Oddly enough, all these feelings that I were being felt actually felt whole, and much more satisfying than any half-baked pleasure or anything else. In short, it was profound.there’s a hollowness inside me, something that lacking, and I don’t know what it is. I can’t possibly know what it is, all I know is that it is there and its gnawing at me. Gnawing at my insides and I just can’t take it, it just eats and eats away at me from the inside. What am I? Who am I? Why am I here? What is this? This doesn’t make any sense at alllllllllllllllllllllllll. I just don’t want to return to life living a half-baked existence. I know that I’m going to get back to life, meet up with my friends, and lead a half-happy, semi-fulfilled existence, and it just never is going to be enough. It just never is going to be full. Its going to be partial, like a piece is missing all the time. WHY IS THAT!!!??? WHY?!?! WHY IS THERE SOMETHING MISSING? WHY AM I PUT HERE IF THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING!?
This wasn't a smiley, happy experience, but it was the first taste of an experience that felt whole that I've felt in a long time. I'm familiar, to some degree, with the concept of the existential crisis, and that many people would label it as such. Nevertheless, I'm curious, has anyone experienced something like this before? What can be said about having such an experience? I never thought I would have something like this happen to me two days ago, it may have built a little momentum yesterday with an event that may have triggered it though.