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i feel so confused and paralyzed...

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 7:53 pm
by i_dont_know
hi new at this forum and i found it searching about e.tolle on google...well i dont know where to start this from, im 29 female...three years ago i quiet going at this mormon church cause i felt it was not working anymore for me and i wanted to find my own path...since then , i mean for three years and a half i have been searching for answers and i become soon interested in spirituality...i just know something Higher than me exist...i called it god and mabey i still call it god or life sometimes...anyways...i have read some books of OSHo, the indian teacher, wayne dyer, some things from deepak chopra, neal donald walsch and recently the power of now and a new earth of e.tolle..while reading his book a new earth i say 'yes, that s right'' to many statment he makes in that book..i agree with many things he says..even if i think its a bit hard for me to fully understand it since english is not my native language...

anyway...its been now more than 5 months that i feel really started when i was working at this tv as a journalist...last months of working there i become restless and very tired...i asked for recognition for more money there and noone of that i got ...they i dont know i because really stressful so i decided to left that job after 5 years of work...the only thing i gained there was the experience..nothing more...of what i asked...after that i had a really hard so hard time to find another job, i become frustrated and i felt bad of not finding another job...then i found one just for the summer time period...i didnt like it at all...meanwhile i have gone throught a very stressful state inside me...i feel i have lots of demands inside myself and im not able to make it to all those demands...its like im trying hard to improve myself and feel angry and bad as why i havent been able to find another job this time , even if it is somehow out of my contro....anyway some people helped me find this new job , at another tv...but now i dont even feel enthusiastic anymore about it u know..i feel drained, bloocked , paralyzed , empty and uterly confused....i feel like a dull persona..i dont know how to explain....

i want to succed at my new job, but i feel so disinterested u know..i have less interest and less energy or enthusiasm to go on...i dont know but i really feel lost ...and ddont know why i am anymore...any thoughst would be appreciated

one more thing: i went last day at this neurologist to have a visit and she said to me i have to cure myself for neurosis now im having some medicines but i really feel so low and i feel like crying

i doont relaly know what is going on inside me

Re: i feel so confused and paralyzed...

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:27 am
by ashley72
Hi there,

Firstly, Sorry to hear "things" are getting you down lately. But relief is only a moment away!

It sounds from your post you may be experience general anxiety disorder.... therefore, I would like to share with you some practical advice from a "reformed" anxiety sufferer.

I have also experiences "heightened" anxiety periods in my life.... which can be very distressing during those hard-times. Sometimes In the past I would have a whole day of anxiety with only brief periods of "presence". The anxiety attacks come from strongingly identifying with certain thought patterns which "spontaneously" arise due to past conditioning. By watching thoughts and feelings arise without further judgment can bring you back into "presence" again. Once you learn how to stop identifying with certain "fear" will open up and calmness and peace will return to your life. :D

You can't control what thoughts arise, but by watching them non-judgementally you can begin to "let go" and stop identifying with a "fear story" so strongly... this will bring you back to the present moment. The present moment is where relief and the only truth lies. :D

Generally, recovery is a gradual process.... as conditioning and thought patterns take time to reshape. Remembering to practice watching thoughts at random times can be good training for when an anxiety attack occurs. Inner body awareness is also another good way to become more comfortable with changing "feelings" that arise during anxious periods.

Always remember during any anxiety or panic attack, this will eventually pass. It doesn't matter how bad you "feel", presence usually comes in again and the fear story subsides for a while. About four years ago, I even drove myself to Emergency department in the middle of the night, because my fear stories were creating "chest pains" and tightness. Only to be told I was having an anxiety attack and my heart was 100% fine. The nurses were right! It was just another panic attack.

By doing regular "inner body awareness" training and "watching thoughts" randomly throughout the day.... I have eventually got myself back to "presence".... I no longer so easily get caught up in my "fear" stories. I can not stop myself from having fear stories (as I'm not the doer of those thoughts).... as past conditioning dictate what arises spontaneously, but I can bring myself (attention) back to presence again.... which achieves the same result, the "fear" story subsides and eventually my attention is strongly in the present moment again.... and there is never a problem too troublesome in the present moment. Well that is my experience anyway. :D

Good luck. :D

Re: i feel so confused and paralyzed...

Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:21 pm
by i_dont_know
hi there rich...thank your for your comment and your words, i really appreciate that...everything that u have wroten in my thread...well i try to be present as u say and sometimes i succed at times not..its not easy to put things in practice..and i have tried to be a perfecionist all my life and impatient with myself , this is mabey my worst can be simple and fun...i dont know why these last years im attached to just trying to figure out a way to move out form it all...

my job was ME all the pat 7 was my passion, my priority in life, it was basiclly everything, when i became so restlful and i decided to go from the previous work place because my mind was exploding from stress and anxiety...i then felt like i lost all the passion and enthusiasm for my job, i know i like journalism but i mabey feel it is not so important and surely my job or this profession cant represent ME , the real I ,u know ? I now work just because i need to work to make money and to conitnue my studies in psicology , and mabey i will follow psicology after i finish the university...well im more calm not since i started the medications...but i dont feel either happy nor unhappy...its like a state without feelings u know...emotionless...lets say....

im not yet sure what my life with be or what can i do to predict my future as i have not set goals ...i know i want to finish university of psicology well and mabey do some job on that field...i know that journalism is useful to me because it gives me the opportunity to met new and different people wich can be a help to me latter....but just because of that, its not that i feel pasionate about this profession anymore....

im sorry for one more thing...this perioud i cant feel grateful for anything in my life..i know my life is not bad ...its good for now..but i dont feel any gratifulness , and im sorry for that...i just cant force myself to be grateful....or ful of thanks...i wish i could but i just cant.....i dont know how to explain my situatiion oof life better this is what i fell....right now..and for some time now

Re: i feel so confused and paralyzed...

Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:04 pm
by Stubbs
i want to succed at my new job, but i feel so disinterested u know..i have less interest and less energy or enthusiasm to go on...i dont know but i really feel lost ...and ddont know why i am anymore...any thoughst would be appreciated
Since you seem to consistently obtain jobs that don't work out well for you, you most likely have an unrelated passion that you need to manifest. Since you haven't done that yet, life is pushing you to do so by means of giving you jobs that don't work out well for you as well as general unhappiness. I recommend daily meditation for around 30 minutes in order to gain clarity as to what your true passion is.