Clouded said: I don't know what my subconscious is thinking, I cannot give you an answer, I just have ideas, one piece of the puzzle and it may be from the wrong puzzle.
Every night, I fall asleep to the Four Agreements audio book in hopes that it will register in my subconscious and that I will apply them in my everyday thinking.
Clouded said: The I hate myself was a question not a statement, I was just trying to figure out what belief system is holding me back from moving on with my life.
In the Four Agreements DM Ruiz does ask the hard/er questions and have readers look at what entrenched beliefs may be holding one back, looking at the unconscious 'agreements' one has made about life and them self and others. With awareness of the notions one has adopted, and clarity about whether they are true or not, he then moves into making new agreements.
It's a bit of spring cleaning for the mind, and like any spring cleaning it tends to make (or at least look like) a bigger mess than when one started out, before one sorts out what to throw away, what to keep and how to keep it.
That's the harder questions being posed, and yes to those who don't know the spring cleaning is going on, others may think one is a crazy housekeeper in need of help.
I took it that you/Clouded were 'bouncing' the questions based on the 'Challenge your beliefs' in the Four Agreements, and seeing if anyone else had asked themselves these questions and come up with any definitive answers. None of the wise ones will choose for you - Don Miguel doesn't/wont he has only shown one way that he found helpful in spring cleaning our minds - "Ninety five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all these lies."
ET won't choose for you either, he gives pointers in how to know when you are being honest (as in DMR's first agreement - Be impeccable with your word) - ET shares you will know by the results of your thoughts - if they are in acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm they are free flowing, if they are making enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a thing, or situation then ego is in control.
If you continue to combine the two you can feel the difference between ET's explanation of ego in control and DMR's love - the equilibrium of gratitude and generosity.
Neale Donald Walsch won't tell you your answers and neither will his 'god' - he says 'I do not presume to choose for you."
Again Clouded - only you can answer the questions for you, and there is no right/wrong answer coming from anyone else. There is no 'score' and nor does it matter whether or not you subscribe to or reject others' definitions of success.
So, with this heady freedom to think and choose for your self, what will you choose?
What will you choose to take on as your new agreements with life, your thoughts about your self and life and others?
It's not in your subconscious you need to make your choices and test the truth of your thoughts, it's while you are awake, in every moment that you are awake choose consciously - choose love, choose truth, choose to let go that which does not serve you and others, let love flow through that beautiful spring cleaned mind
Far east said
Smileyjen.... you are an angel.
Now I am going to shut up, I've said my bit.
Angels come in many shapes and sizes and disguises Far east