My spiritual journey started with a feeling of overwhelm, the realization that non of the usual self-help approaches had helped me, and a longing for peace. It seems to me that this inner call for peace prompted the universe to set me on the path.
Somewhat into the journey ( after having read stuff on NDEs, channeled material as N.D. Walsch, Seth and ACIM) , I realized that it is not all about bliss, but also about deconstruction of the former self-image ( which was mostly career related in my case). And that just doesn’t feel peaceful at all – at least not for the ego.
Anger about perceived injustice/unfairness at work became my main issue for several years.
What followed was a journey from anger to peace , and what I found remarkable is how the universe supported the process, i.e. with carrot and stick (based on LoA) .
When I was upset, light bulbs in my room would suddenly burn out.
Or one day , when I was in major inner turmoil, my freezer would stop working , with a weird unknown error code. It would do that several times, and it always coincided with me feeling angry. It occurred so often that when I got really upset I would always go into the basement and check whether our freezer was still working.
Or another day I felt overwhelmed by the requests from society ( kindergarteners, neighbours, parents, teachers…) and I thought : “Oh, leave me all alone! Don’t bug me with your requests of what I should do for you. Just stay all away from me! “ And what happened? The cutout switch of the doorbell broke down and needed to be replaced ! Ha ha ha , that was a great answer from the universe. I wanted to be left alone, and if the doorbell cannot ring anymore then nobody can come in - and I will get my wish fulfilled. Thanks a lot , dear universe. Very funny!
Another story: I got really upset about someone . In this emotional state of intense anger, I entered an elevator. Guess what, the elevator didn’t work. It didn’t even manage to shut the doors. So , I took the stairs up and I wondered again : “Was that caused by me ? Really ? Weird…. “ .
Then I heard about a woman who would always cause local area networks for the entire neighborhood to fail if she was in a crisis. There was never any physical cause for the networks to fail. It was just that if she was in a mental crisis the LAN would fail – that happened several times. So, I was not alone with this weird behavior of the universe.
Oh, and I noticed that the herb plants in my kitchen would perish very fast when I engaged in angry thoughts while preparing dinner. I wondered what a bad quality the basil in the pot is nowadays. Always it would go bad in a week or so. But when my mood eventually changed then also the basil plant would stay fresh many weeks longer.
Sometimes the universe used my children as teaching devices.
One day I was really upset again. “No , I will not do my favorite work at office because they don’t deserve it !” my ego screamed in my head. Then my daughter walked into the kitchen: “Mommy, can you explain that joke to me ? I don’t understand it.”
And she read the joke: “A punk girl comes into the shop and buys some clothing for herself. At the cashier, she pays and asks: “Oh, just in case my parents like my clothes - could I return them ( the clothes) and get the money back?” “
I was stunned. Yes, that was exactly how I behaved. And the universe managed to show that to me in a really kind way. I was humbled. What is going on behind these appearances of bodies and physical objects that realizes every tiny thought of me and gives me an answer?
Eventually I got so fed up with the high maintenance cost of all the burned out light bulbs that I realized that I should better watch my thoughts and my inner peace. I did about the first 100 workbook lessons of ACIM and that helped me a lot.
For there are some benefits from inner peace. Here are the universe’s carrot methods:
Wishes seem to be fulfilled promptly. That is, only if the wish comes from deep within. I have felt that these wishes always have an accompanying feeling of : “Oh, it would be sooo nice, if I could have that now. Or would be really soooo great if that would happen now.” A desire, a yearning.
One day I , when my young kids were out of the house for a week, I was cleaning out their rooms, collecting old toys that they would not need any more ( well, that I had decided they would not need any more). I collected many small transparent trash bags full of old and broken toys. But the volume was just too large for our garbage bin outside. So I had to store the transparent trash bags in the basement. Then I was thinking: “Oh, it would be sooo useful to have one of these really large trash bags that are opaque for the hiding the old toys , so that my children cannot see their old toys when they come home.” I was afraid they would l start lengthy discussions about whether these things can be thrown away or not.
So, that was just a thought. But we didn’t have any of these large opaque trash bags at that time and I did not consider buying any.
Two days later, when I got home from work, I saw something strange plastic lying in front of our garden door. I looked closer wondering what that was. And it was a large heavy-duty trash bag, arriving just in time so I could continue with toy-clearing work the next day. Wow ! I was sooo amazed at how this works. This sure seemed like a very strange synchronicity. Too strange to be just some random event.
Then one day something happened that really left me in awe and wonder. I was on the bus going to a workshop in town. It started to rain heavily, like pouring water out of a bathroom shower. I knew when I would walk the 300 meters to the workshop building I would be totally drenched. So I was a little concerned as I didn’t have an umbrella with me. Then the bus stopped and I got off. And what did I see at the bus stop amidst the heavy rain? There was a lonely umbrella which obviously didn’t belong to anyone. So, normally I would not steal lost umbrellas. But this time I thought: “Thank you universe for taking care of me” and I took the umbrella and arrived at the workshop dry.
The aha moments from all these events for me were:
Yes, inner peace seems to be really important.
Yes, my thought is creative in a very literal sense.
If I have caused these burned out light bulbs by my anger then it is really not useful if I am angry about the fact that they burned out.
And since I found that deep wishes were fulfilled promptly I became careful of what I wished for. Not that I could really influence my wishes. But I thought: “Gee, this LoA manifestation seems to work really fast. I must be darn careful what I wish for. For I will always get what I wish.”
I also learned that the spiritual path consists of events which are tailor-made to deconstruct our sense of identity. Whenever we are attached to a part of our self-image, the universe will send an event that will attack exactly that belief. And this is for our own good. Otherwise we would never wake up from our identification with this little character in this virtual reality.
Adyashanti told a story where he had to be weaned of the self-image of being a biking super athlete. The universe achieved this by putting him to bed for several months with some illnesses. That is exactly how the deconstruction process works .
I found that the spiritual journey is a lot like having played a computer game and having become identified with the screen character. After awakening, we remember that we are the one sitting on front of the screen who is not only watching the game, steering the character but has also programmed the whole thing.