Life Review

OBE's, NDE's, lucid dreams, and the like...

Life Review

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:18 pm

I originally posted this link in another thread. I think it deserves its own thread.

The life review is one of the most consistent themes of the near death experience. The following link is an excellent assemblage of the understandings gained in the life review and its significance to life beyond the physical as well as its value to our understanding and application of life in the human experience. Enjoy.

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research24.html

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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:35 am

thank you webby, I am smiling all over that link!

I have to be careful and 'step away from the keyboard' occasionally (even for a walk outside) so buzzing is my energy level i might bring our server down (again.. :roll: )

so many things I'd love to expand on in there - YUM!

funny I wonder if 'reading it' has the same vibration as remembering it?

what does it do for others?
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Re: Life Review

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:32 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote:so many things I'd love to expand on in there - YUM!

Expand on them here.

funny I wonder if 'reading it' has the same vibration as remembering it?

Hard to say. My guess is it affects different people in different ways. I know I get a great deal of 'vibration' attunement when reading it - a wonderful sense of presence and acceptance. Even so, I doubt it's quite like a direct memory.

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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:09 am

lol webby, you do realise I could end up quoting nearly the whole thing!!
The 'energy' it emits is very much wide open portals from each of those sharing allowing the love and light to flow through and it's pure energy. It seems you do feel it, which is lovely!

It's why I do really have to be careful, my whole physical being laps it up and 'grows'/radiates with the sharing, more akin to the 'size/energy level' out of my body. It is also a common nde'er thing that I didn't realise until far later as part of a group under study for a post grad on after residual effects.

Kimberly Clark Sharp once shared an interesting near-death account of the life review of a woman who saw an event in her life as a child. The lesson the woman learned from her life review is that our actions which seem unimportant can be more important than we can imagine on the other side. When the woman was a little girl, she saw a tiny flower growing almost impossibly out of a crack in the sidewalk. She bent down and cupped the flower and gave it her full unconditional love and attention. When the girl became a woman and had a NDE, during her life review she discovered that it was this incident with the flower that was the most important event of her entire life. The reason was because it was the moment where she expressed her love in a greater, purer, and unconditional manner.

This example of a life review by Kimberly Clark Sharp is one of my favorite examples because it shows in a dramatic way a principle that appears in many life reviews. The principle is that the actions we think are unimportant may turn out to be the most important act we have ever done in our life. Unconditional and spontaneous acts of love are the greatest acts we can perform - even if it is directed at a tiny flower. (Kevin Williams)



This is soooo true - I 'noticed' in my review the little child sitting on a kerb being careful not to sqaush an ant after my first pangs of grief - so it's friends and family wouldn't be saddened by its loss; a handshake from a young boy that I 'really felt' and through it understood the true meaning of a hand shake and friendship that has never left me; the love of a beggar child in repaying a kindness with a kindness. These things resonate with me still. I would add to every thing - noticing and loving a leaf in it's last stages of decay... or clouds passing through our lives, the minutae of 'attention'.

It makes me know the absolute power of random acts of kindness and the 'easy to' 'easy not to' dichotomy we face when we are given an opportunity. These opportunities 'snap' me into total awareness of my 'place' in the oneness. It's funny and might deserve a topic of its own the ego actually gets involved in reasons not to, to avoid appearing egoic or judgemental or being judged, rather than reasons to, there's a very distinctly different energy with this pure unconditional love, the kind that makes the 'all' grow brighter and the energy more vibrant.
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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:42 am

That is, they relive every act they have ever done to other people and come away feeling that love is the most important thing in life. (Dr. Raymond Moody)
and you also 'see' others' love that you may not have realised was love, and connectedness to strangers passing briefly and the bursts of love in a smile, just a 'I see you' is soooo important.

I definitely saw there is no thing important, but love.
The love of the 'light' is beyond anything we can have for ourselves. The notion that the 'judgement' is indeed according to your knowledge and not handed down to you, but absorbed in clarity and love by you.

Also of your 'willingness' (to what I now think of since reading the quote in ET about knowing being 'the hole in flute through which the Christ breath flows') being not only important, but noticed, and appreciated, it's the bubbles of love bursting into life and this stays with you too and you 'know' when the 'heavens' are rejoicing - for want of a better phrase and without attachment or ego, but with incredible depth of humility and flayed emotion - to 'know' the voice of the light, the touch as light and gentle as a butterfly's wing caressing your heart, but like a hand on your shoulders warm and heavy as a beating, naked, blood pumping heart - "You are MY instrument of others' learning, - (if that's the situation) and I am well pleased with you.'

This is kind of ...so not me... but the warmth and flow and power of having seen it in the light, and the impact it has, it is such that you might simultaneously be aware of the presentation of 'opportunity' rising (back in body, on Earth) while on one level sort of cursing - mostly yourself for 'noticing' as I'm sure there are many opportunities that we don't even notice. But if you do, sort of wanting to pee yourself and sort of wanting to say for crap's sake..really? and at the same time feeling like you should be widespread flayed spread out face down on the floor sobbing like warm melted butter at being 'honoured' with the 'opportunity'. (If that's not the maddest thing I've ever said publicly....!!!)

But there is as it also says a sense of responsibility that you can never again ignore or not notice, and I guess I'm growing into the realities of the response-abilities, and the non-judgement at the abdication of it by either myself or others - in the no choice is wrong... notion.

I've actually noticed thinking or asking a question lately and then catching myself and going.. nah, I don't really need to know!! Only joking folks! REally don't need to 'understand' that one. which is sort of my understanding of the real power of the law of attraction. Very much from seeing the 'question' or 'judgement' playing out experientially in my life review to that point, and being aware of it ever since, maybe not as aware at the beginning as I am now that some really important ones have taken many, many years and twists and turns to fully comprehend.

There's also a couple of mentions in there of realising it's like life is full of 'tests' but I see it more as unfolding awareness, lessons maybe, but not in an instructive sense and certainly not in any punitive sense, more like .. hmm more like developmental stages and levels of maturing unfolding through the opportunities you both notice and interact with.
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Re: Life Review

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:01 pm

I 'noticed' in my review the little child sitting on a kerb being careful not to sqaush an ant after my first pangs of grief - so it's friends and family wouldn't be saddened by its loss; a handshake from a young boy that I 'really felt' and through it understood the true meaning of a hand shake and friendship that has never left me;

It occurs to me that this search for enlightenment that so many of us focus on may be the ultimate in narcissism. While it's thought to be a 'me' killer, in many ways is all about 'me'. But in the unconditional love toward a flower, or in the understanding of the recognition and connection of an honest handshake, one can experience life changing events that are just as significant. I find that...well...enlightening. :wink:

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Re: Life Review

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:21 pm

"You are MY instrument of others' learning, - (if that's the situation) and I am well pleased with you.'

This is kind of ...so not me... but the warmth and flow and power of having seen it in the light, and the impact it has, it is such that you might simultaneously be aware of the presentation of 'opportunity' rising (back in body, on Earth) while on one level sort of cursing - mostly yourself for 'noticing' as I'm sure there are many opportunities that we don't even notice. But if you do, sort of wanting to pee yourself and sort of wanting to say for crap's sake..really? and at the same time feeling like you should be widespread flayed spread out face down on the floor sobbing like warm melted butter at being 'honoured' with the 'opportunity'. (If that's not the maddest thing I've ever said publicly....!!!)

Oh, Smiiley, this is priceless. I don't really know whether to laugh or cry. Thanks for this little gem...

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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:42 am

Then laugh and cry webby, both are good for the soul :)

I was thinking how some may not have any idea of the sort of simple opportunities and their immense impact, synchronicity in action a friend sent me an email with a 'true story' that highlights it beautifully. My notes are in brackets, sorry to upset the flow of the story with them, but hopefully they will take folks deeper into understanding the emotions above. and maybe some might also recognise more 'opportunities' to connect.

I am a mother of three, (14,12 and 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called ‘Smile’.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone so I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

One crisp March morning soon after the giving of the assignment, my husband, youngest son and I went to McDonalds for breakfast. It was just our way of spending some special play-time with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, and then all of a sudden everyone around us started to back away. Then even my husband did.

As I turned around, I smelled a horrible, ‘dirty body’ smell and there were two poor, homeless men standing behind me.

I looked down at the shorter man standing close to me, he was ‘smiling’.

His beautiful, sky-blue eyes were full of God’s light as he searched for acceptance.


(– oops too late, you’ve ‘noticed’, no cursing now... ; )

He said ‘Good day’, as he counted the few coins he’d been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands and I realised the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

(notice how she ‘knows’ she ‘loves’ him now – ‘blue-eyed gentleman’ – ‘salvation’)

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said: ‘Coffee is all, Miss’.

Because that was all they could afford. If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm.

(notice how she ‘knows’ his heart, the simplicity of a fellow human in need once you enter this state of love beyond your ‘self’)

Then I really felt it. The compulsion was so great I nearly reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
(that’s the bit where you want to pee yourself ; )

That was when I noticed it.

(here comes the ego… easy to... easy not to)

All eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

(this is where it kinda splits – she’s aware of her own ‘standing’ among her peers and all of a sudden of their judgementalism and fear of ‘others’, but has aligned her ‘self’ with the two men in need – and sees the ‘separation’ some others are silently urging her to abide by, to keep the distance – but by this stage she IS love… she is already far in the midst of not only ‘noticing’ the opportunity, but interacting with it – she ‘knew’ this when she wanted to pee herself or curse herself for turning around earlier lol this is also where the portal cracks wide open and the ‘all’ is paying absolute attention – as in the free will thread, by now, she has ‘no choice’).

I smiled at the young lady behind the counter and asked her to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table the two men had chosen for a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman’s cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said: ‘Thank you.’

I leaned over and began to pat his hand and said: ‘I did not do this for you. God is here, working through me, to give you hope.’


(it really is ‘that’ clear that it comes not from you, but through you, you being willing yes, you recognising and accepting to interact with the ‘opportunity’ yes (even if you are in trepidation), but you absolutely ‘know’ at these times that it is not about you, and, it never was. This is when the ‘heavens’ sing and you feel like melting on the floor in a sobbing mess from the power of it)

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son…
When I sat down my husband said to me: ‘That’s why god gave you to me hunny, to give me hope.’
We held hands for a moment and knew that only by grace were we able to give.
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure light of God’s sweet love.

I returned to college with this story on the last night of classes. I handed it in and the instructor read it. Then she turned to me and asked if she could read it out to the class.
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

(this is in some ways facing the trepidation of others’ judging that it might have some self serving purpose if it is misunderstood)

She began to read and that is when I knew as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonalds, my husband, our son, the instructor and every soul that shared that classroom on my last night at college as a student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion to every person who may read this and learn how to –
Love people and use things -
Not use people and love things.

Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
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Re: Life Review

Postby kiki » Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:23 pm

Great story, smiley. I've heard it before somewhere.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Thu Aug 04, 2011 5:31 am

It's been circulating in emails I think Kiki. I love them as resonating 'pointers' and often wonder if it creates 'shifts' in folks who do read them.

to try to bring it back to topic - If I can, I’m at least going to try, to give you a ‘vertical’ view of the above story, such as might be apparent in a ‘life review’ without limitations (see keymaster’s Nothing changes thread if you haven’t already).

Without taking anything away from the beautiful, insightful pointer it is, it is still from a one-dimensional / horizontal pov based on the understanding, willingness to comprehend – to ‘frame’ the story of the event from the lady in question.

No doubt, it had a huge impact on her. No doubt, she’s noticed the opportunity it was for others to notice – but – whether any of them did or not, is none of her business, merely her perception.

What any of them do with it is also none of her business. In terms of creation it’s a speck of star dust ever moving, ever changing, floating across timelessness.
It still takes into account her own frames of reference and interpretations of life and events to this point in her physical life.

She’s made some assumptions – let’s take the assumption that the ‘blue eyed gentleman’ was the ‘saviour’ of the ‘mentally impaired’ man and play a little with this.

What’s to say the ‘mentally impaired’ man was not the saviour of the blue eyed gentleman in the same way the two of them moved her to ‘feel’ the love and ‘healed’ her?

In her story, it hasn’t quite manifested in her consciousness yet how much they did heal within her – but it is in there, irking in the bliss in her heart.

Outside of her pov all things are possible to have brought those three to that street corner of ‘standing under’ at that point in time/place at the McDonald’s counter. Along the linear – horizontal layer of it she has made some assumptions that they are ‘friends’ .

– what if the two men met as complete strangers to each other, coming from different directions, at the door of McDonalds (the imagination could go wild with a million different possibilities)
- Further, what if the blue eyed gentleman had, until that very moment of meeting the other man at the door, been a fearful (in his situation) person who also suddenly felt the love and compassion of the ‘all’ and decided to step outside of his own comfort zone to share what little money he had with another less fortunate than he, while wondering where his next meal would come from.

The glowing love in his eyes could have been the same as she would have seen in her own when she ‘chose’ the options she did.

- Just as feasible in terms of the universe – what if he mugged the other man for his money and the ‘intellectually impaired’ man followed him mutely into the restaurant in the hope of a change of heart, which he had under her willingness to actually ‘see’ them both standing there.


- How many have noticed the ‘light’ and ‘willingness’ of the man in the ‘intellectually impaired’ role. How funny it will be for her to meet his soul in it’s full glory and realise that it was him who was a willing ‘angel of love’ in that little scenario, also allowing the Christ’s breathe to breathe through him.

There’s no doubt in my mind that she will get an ‘aha’ moment in the light about this situation, and that it will resonate throughout her life on Earth this time around – but of course, that’s only from my limited/horizontal perspective ; ).
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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:07 am

I found a thing I wrote years ago while musing about that little girl sitting on the kerb that I saw in full dimensions in the light in my life review... thought I'd share it as another example of what is 'known' and 'precious' to the all.

As background, my chldhood neighbours Dot and Ron, their 12 year son Keith, infant 6 mth old baby Barry and their little terrier dog Friday were in a car crash. The grief was pretty heavy around my place where Dot had been my Mum's best friend and and Keith was my older brother's best friend. I was too young to be 'told' anything, and only really caught whispers that set my childish mind awander. I took to sitting on the kerb across from their home to wait for Friday to come around the corner - Lassie (the dog) was my ideal of dogs 'knowing what to do' in such situations. 'God' then was someone who knew everything and who you spoke to when you prayed things from your heart.

This is kind of how it was 'replayed' to me, 'their' view and knowing and seeing and hearing of it.

Grubby knees bent as she sits on the pavement, careful where she puts her feet. She knows now even ant Mums and Dads would hurt if one of their friends didn’t come home.

Dear God, do you forgive me if I don’t know I step on one?

Home is sombre, ‘Don’t upset Mum’. No singing or questions.

Dear God, will you help me to stay quiet, be still?

She sits on the pavement across from their house, waiting for Friday to come.

‘Ron and Keith will be in hospital for months’.

Dear God, how long is ‘months’? Not as long as forever like Dot and the baby?

Friday should be coming soon, though his legs are smaller than Lassie’s.
She won’t tell Mum till it’s a big surprise. She tries to remember the baby, a milk spot on his nose, Dot fussing as she hands him to the little girl who thinks she is the most beautiful mother in the world.

No yelling in Dot’s house, never too busy to look in your eyes, iced lollies a treat in her shiny refrigerator, and laughter that tinkles, so kind.

‘Only the good die young, and she was a good one.’

Dear God, the baby must have been very good. Do you mind if I’m naughty? I don’t want to die.

But Friday should be coming soon, though his legs are smaller than Lassie’s.

‘They didn’t stand a chance. That truck was speeding to pass the car on his side. And on a hill, what was he thinking?’

Dear God, what’s chance?

She hopes Friday has chance on his long journey home.

Dear God, how far is London?

With chance, Friday should be coming soon, though his legs might be getting tired, they’re not as big as Lassie’s.

She sits on the pavement day after day, week after week. If it’s raining she watches the road from her bedroom window, staying quiet, no singing, no questions.

She sits on the pavement watching ants on their long journey home. She smiles. Friday’s legs are bigger than theirs.

She looks to the end of the street like so many times before. Any day now Friday will come, though his legs are smaller than Lassie’s.

The weeds are growing in Dot and Ron’s garden and her brother is missing his best friend Keith, and still Friday hasn’t come, though his legs are smaller than Lassie’s.

She wonders what it was like for Ron and Keith ‘flying through the air’. For Dot and the baby ‘trapped by her seatbelt when it burst into flames’.

Dear God, is Dot an angel now? It wasn’t too hard to think it.

But Friday should be coming soon, no one said he was dead, or went flying, although, his legs are smaller than Lassie’s.

So she sits on the pavement, grubby knees bent.

Friday should be coming soon.



I also quickly saw another vision, me then 10 and having fallen onto an electric fire four days before my family set sail for Australia while jumping on the bed with my sister and cousins (3rd degree burns when it exploded with my foot inside the wire 'guard' yadda yadda,)

I was sitting in the back of a car outside the home we were leaving, leg in plaster, trying to see out of the windows before we drove away. Dot and Ron's place still empty.

I was making sure Friday wasnt 'just coming round the corner' - didn't want to miss him if he was. and then a sigh.
Dear God, why didn’t Friday ever come home?


and immediately (in the light) 'noticed' my sister's heavy heart while also sitting in the car as they'd just picked me up from the hospital and why she couldn't look at me while-ever I had that plaster on my leg - she'd tickled me just before I fell off the bed and into the fire and neither of us would ever tell. Until then (the nde) I had no idea she blamed herself, afterwards I was able to reframe my idiocy and uncoordinated clumsiness - how I saw my falling into the fire.

It's these sorts of things that are 'known' by the all.

Hope it sheds light on it.
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Re: Life Review

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Aug 06, 2011 4:12 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote: she couldn't look at me while-ever I had that plaster on my leg - she'd tickled me just before I fell off the bed and into the fire and neither of us would ever tell. Until then (the nde) I had no idea she blamed herself, afterwards I was able to reframe my idiocy and uncoordinated clumsiness - how I saw my falling into the fire.


Thanks for the additional detail Jen. Can you expand on the quote a bit more? What do you mean when you say "reframe" your idiocy? What did you reframe it from/to?

And what did you learn from the reliving the girl on the kerb? You point out the kind of things known by the All, but what does the All's knowing these details mean to your growth and evolution? How has it affected you life experience since? And what is the All's interest in your reliving these experiences? Do you have a sense of it?

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Re: Life Review

Postby ZenCowgirl » Sat Aug 06, 2011 7:53 pm

thank you again, smiileyjen.
something this morning led me to Swedenborg, the man I encountered in college as an English Major ... I liked him then and didn't know why. I like him now and know why... I remember how I thought back in college "oh why are we reading anything else but Swedenborg and Blake and maybe ee cummings oh and maybe Shake-a-spear - well, there are so many gentle folk. Emily Dickenson, Annie Dillard, you, Smiileyjen. So many blessed knowers here on earth. God bless the soldiers who died today/yesterday in Afghanistan. May they become angels to their families.

here is one Swendenborg link - there are so many more http://www.near-death.com/experiences/triggers14.html
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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:12 pm

thanks zengirl, webby -
I've tried to think of a way to explain the simultaneous, vertical, exponentiality of the 'view'. The best I can come up with is sort of like (and yet nothing at all like :lol: ) imagine if your life's thoughts, choices, paths is a humungous spiderweb with the centre being your 'birth' or core and every tiny fragile line out from the core is a filagree thread and every junction (love expression) on the web is a 'connection' to source, that powers - feeding into and out of source.

but that multiple people animals, plants even ideas are 'form' that are like their own spider web can intertwine on those paths and junctions, so it's not just one spider web vibrating its everyone/thing you've ever come into contact or even thought, felt remotely (eg something you've seen on the news or whatever) sticking together at 'points' that become the junctions on the spider webs. So, on one tiny strand and/or junction many people, animals things etc can 'link' on levels of love and compassion and the connections create an energy that vibrates along the lines/strands of the connections - all the connections - you've ever made.

So, when thinking about my brother's love for his friend keith, who loved his dog Friday, and his gorgeous mum who loved everybody and their innocent baby, and my Dad's love for my Mum who he was heart-sore to see so bereft at the loss of her friend and her baby... and me caring for the ants, all of those and many more 'connected' in the strands of not only my life, but all of ours and every loving thought vibrated the strands between us.

just one of those heartfelt love powered thoughts/feelings was a tiny explosion of creation (love) itself creating another connection, glueing together more intertwined spiderwebs of connection. But in the linear/horizontal view we don't know this. Every time that little girl thought about anyone in that 'story' on some level the others all felt the 'tug'/vibration of it - Dot, and all those in the light could see and feel and heartfeltly send love back through the spiderweb to be the gentle calming in my heart. We are never alone or disconnected, it's just not possible.

The energy of love is 'light'. If we are not being loving we may not feel the vibrations and the lightness as much, which is why we might feel 'alone' but really, exponentially we are all tied together.

It's kind of how the flap of a butterflies wings can create a tsunami on the otherside of the world.

The thing about time being irrelevant - anyone here feeling love and compassion for the little dog Friday, or any of the 'players' will connect on those junctions in our spiderwebs and vibrate it all again, lighting it up with love. What ever happened to Friday does, but doesn't matter because he is already a part of the huge masses of entangled, vibrating love spiderwebs of creation.

I 'feel' such a ... it would be so much easier if this was 'known' irk - but then it's been told to folks in every language in every eon in every culture forever. Seeing it in the light it's not a big deal or complicated at all it's just like 'ah... okay'. But that probably does speak to the sense of responsibility - I know I'm yanking on your spiderweb threads :lol:
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Re: Life Review

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:02 am

smiileyjen101 wrote:
she couldn't look at me while-ever I had that plaster on my leg - she'd tickled me just before I fell off the bed and into the fire and neither of us would ever tell. Until then (the nde) I had no idea she blamed herself, afterwards I was able to reframe my idiocy and uncoordinated clumsiness - how I saw my falling into the fire.

Webwanderer said:
Thanks for the additional detail Jen. Can you expand on the quote a bit more? What do you mean when you say "reframe" your idiocy? What did you reframe it from/to?


Now that I've explained (hopefully) the spiderweb threads, within the globs of connections reinforced every time with love expression energy there are also the complicated isolators that link exponentially with fear. This is felt when we 'shrink' when we pull against the vibrations and pulls of spiderweb threads with judging self and others.

What I saw in my sister was this. She 'shrank' her love (light/energy) in fear - in fear that she had hurt me and would be judged, but in judging herself and others - me included, our parents, she somewhat 'isolated' herself, tugging away from the connections and hardening into a little ball on the spiderweb of that 'event/connection'.

Exponentially that sent her off down a path away/resisting the love and becoming a basis for false emotions appearing real (fear) which spread their own threads away from our connections.

In 'seeing' this, it made all the sense in the world that she was even at that time of my nde 'separating' herself from us in fear rather than connecting with love.

Exponentially though I saw how I too (and everyone does) had tightened into balls of fear from 'judging' these events/connections/opportunities to be love
- the notion about Dot burning in a car because of her seat belt became my claustrophobia that first manifested as car sickness;
it also linked into a fireman's death that weighed heavy on my heart (in guilt) because I had been the one who raised the alarm about a fire that led him to his death after we'd connected at the scene;
for my brother who later witnessed a toddler falling out of a car and under the wheel of the truck he was a passenger in;
me not knowing what to do when he'd cry himself to sleep, then when he later selected the option of drinking himself to unconsciousness in order to not relive the nightmare of it;
to him later becoming an alcoholic and being drunk and in a crash himself, killing the daughter of woman who was also driving and then found to be an alcoholic too...

And these are only tiny extracts of the impacts and interconnections unboundingly exponential and continuing still - the love of my daughter who encouraged me to face my claustrophobia in order to be able to wear a seat belt and overcome those fears; her then being killed and the love and compassion of the passenger in that car feeling guilty because he owned the car and had let his friend drive them home that day in laziness; my recognition of the choices the driver would face in his horror of what he experienced and witnessed - would he recoil in fear or build connections in love? then the passenger of that car being killed in a work accident; the many many 'connections' of young people affected by all of the events and exponentially more that is feeding into their psyche.

In 'noticing' my sister's false emotions appearing real - that we would love her any less or that she was 'responsible' for my injuries... it's all so far from true - and yet she had travelled along different pathways (not judging that either.. just is) based on a falseness of sin (wrong thinking), just as I had been with the fireman's death, my brother had been with the toddler's death.... on and on it goes.

On my return from the light - reframing my idiocy ... it was bringing into the light the reality of me falling into that fire - sure so she tickled me, I was laughing so much I fell off the bed, but we all knew we weren't supposed to jump on the bed anyway, it was my own 'stupid fault' and I raised it in this way in front of her one day. There was a moment when she panicked and shut down a little when I started to mention it, but I linked it to how guilty I had been feeling about raising the alarm on a house fire that brought a young fireman to his death and she was the first to say to me 'That wasn't your fault.. you shouldn't feel guilty about that'... in love I was able to say 'exactly, and me falling off the bed wasn't your fault either, shit happens.'

When you have these realisations the love-light flows all the way through all the connections and false assumptions and reverberates along other things you did or thought or felt and are illuminated - that's the 'aha' moments that light things up and change the course of your path.

But, along with the sense of responsibility for knowing this, is also the recognition that you can't drag another along any particular path, it's not your journey and that too is a judging. eg I so wanted to enfold the driver that killed my daughter and 'head off' any false emotions appearing real and I did show him love and compassion when we met at her inquest, he reeled backwards in his own judging himself

- but it also had exponential spiderweb impacts on the likes of the investigating police officer who said she'd never witnessed anything like the love and compassion I show and being around me had totally changed the way she saw her role in her job - and off the spiderweb goes in a whole other direction....

exponential exponential... in either love and compassion with or without awareness, or in fear with or without awareness.

Revisiting the little girl on the kerb was a lot about realising the source of fear for my claustrophobia and my love for all things, and also about ways people handle grief and making more aware selections of available directions to create pathways. Seeing the exponentiality of it in the light, and the impacts, well it just changed everything.

In some ways, Friday was me, lost on a long journey home on little legs. I 'found' us all, safe and well and love in the light.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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