Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

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Yenala
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Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

Post by Yenala » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:53 pm

Hi everyone,
my partner has recently found himself deeply connected to Eckhart Tolle's approach in being present in the here and now, and the idea that he understands he is not his behaviour or feelings.
My question is, i can see how this helps him internalise and understand his own presence, but who is he then?

He doesnt communicate to me when i ask him about things that concern me, he does not offer friendly comfort or gestures when im struggling myself. I feel i have zero connection unless he wants something.

we always have a huge problem connecting, but now to the point i feel i have no idea who he is any longer.

So i suppose i would like to know, has this helped anyone's connection with others deepen? I sense that perhaps it's actually a little isolating (i mean this in a neutral way, rather than isolating being the negative term it is usually construed to be). Id love to hear how this has affected your personal relationships if you're in one.

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Sighclone
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Re: Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

Post by Sighclone » Fri Oct 25, 2019 5:01 pm

Welcome Yenala!

Big issue - and not well discussed by many, including Adyashanti. A powerful glimpse of the new identity as "Pure Awareness," not egoic 'little me,' can make people drop away from their normal ego-identity-based relationships. It's a form of "spiritual bypassing" (See John Welwood on this at https://tricycle.org/magazine/psychology-awakening/ ) and it's common. It does pass over time but that could be months, maybe more. Transcending our 'normal' identity with thoughts and feelings is fairly radical - Tolle spent a couple of years on a park bench, more or less. And I'm speaking from personal experience here.

In my opinion, there is no quick recovery, BUT, your partner can choose to be more sensitive, and, in my opinion, he should make that effort, not judging, just loving.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:24 pm

Hi Yenala, welcome to the forum.

Andy makes some good points. When one begins to recognize, as suggested in Tolle's teachings, that we are not what we 'think' we are, it can become isolating from one's close friends and loved ones. Most people don't understand what's going on. It's quite new as related to the understanding that we've grown up with and takes some time to sort out. As Andy said, sometimes a long time.

I suggest you talk with him - gently and lovingly. Let him know how important it is for you to connect with him. After all, you're no different in the larger scheme of things. You too have considerations that he can help with. Don't make him wrong, or yourself needy. Just create an atmosphere of sharing and appreciating each other's life experience.

WW

Louis More
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Re: Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

Post by Louis More » Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:28 pm

Hello yenala
I will write one paragraph of the book "embodied enlightenment" by amoda maa

"Everything is in relationship to everything else: you are in perpetual relationship to the world. Whether you believe the world is an illusion or not does not matter, because beliefs do not negate the fact that you are having an earthly experience. Authentic freedom requires you to consciously surrender all lopsided notions of "only consciousness is real" and to meet, with innocent openness, the naked reality of your experience."

I highly recommend you both to read this book, she talks about relationship in a very healthy and enlightened way.
Maybe this could help your partner be more sensitive with the world of form.

Bye.

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Re: Eckhart Tolle approach and friendships with others

Post by Sighclone » Mon Nov 04, 2019 5:45 pm

Great comment, Louis - I also highly recommend that book! Awakening does not mean losing responsibility in the relative world, which includes the world of feelings.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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