Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

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Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby Golf » Sun May 20, 2012 10:02 pm

I noticed a peculiar thing. For example, I see a good movie, listen to some music I enjoy, or have a pleasant or interesting conversation. Afterwards, when no "interesting" stuff is happening anymore, my mind keeps replaying the music, or some scenes from movies, or conversations, and it goes, on and on and on. It's a bit strenuous, tiring, like it absorbs attention and mental energy that would be useful elsewhere.

In the past it was obsessing with worry, "bad", "sad" stuff, and in the recent days I had some breakthroughs and I feel better and now it seems it just shifted to the "exciting", "good" stuff...
Different content, same structure as Eckhart would say.

And today I had an insight...
While watching the good movie, listening to nice music, making interesting conversation, I'm probably more present, in the now. And there may be some "good" emotions present too (thrill, excitement...)
And when these emotions subside, and my emotional "heaviness" returns (I get from "high" to "low"), the mind starts replaying the movies and music, and it seems it's actually doing that because it's trying to "make" the "good" emotions to happen again. It's like it "identifies" with these events, labeling them as "producing a high"...
But the effect is wearying... and the ego just tries harder then.

I guess my brain is often a bit weary, and so it falls an easy prey to obsessive thinking. I'm only observing it now, don't know how to "deal" with these "replays" yet. I'd like to be able to just rest, sit and enjoy the silence...
"If you're so smart, how come you're working at a gas station?"
-"It's a service station. We offer service, there is no higher purpose."
8)
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Re: Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby Justaname » Wed May 23, 2012 12:10 am

Last night I had the same. That day and some earlier days I listened to some music that i like very much. I couldn't sleep at all.

I laid hours in bed just staring to the alarm clock and mentally singing those (al jarreau, scat jazz) tunes... Terrible. I tried to stop it by let it flow over or just be there but that didn't help.

I don't know what this could be...
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Re: Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby Jbrooke » Wed May 23, 2012 12:56 am

Sounds VERY familiar to me. All of it. I try to approach these obsessive thoughts with the observing, but I simply can't get it to work or help. What tactics have you tried?
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Re: Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby smiileyjen101 » Wed May 23, 2012 2:46 am

I'm aware that I differ in opinion from the no mind-no thoughts-no reality etc way of viewing things.

When learning a thing people go through four - and then a fifth stage - many stop at the four

this from wiki edited
1. Unconscious incompetence - The individual does not understand or know how to do something and does not necessarily recognize the deficit. They may deny the usefulness of the skill. The individual must recognise their own incompetence, and the value of the new skill, before moving on to the next stage. The length of time an individual spends in this stage depends on the strength of the stimulus to learn.

2. Conscious incompetence - Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize the deficit, as well as the value of a new skill in addressing the deficit. The making of mistakes can be integral to the learning process at this stage.

3. Conscious competence - The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires concentration. It may be broken down into steps, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill.

4. Unconscious competence - The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it has become "second nature" and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.


So, let's say the skill is being aware of your thoughts, where they are generated in love/expansion/creation/oneness
or fear/contraction/separateness/ego and the resultant cause and effect of each when they feed action - no choice is wrong, it just brings a different experience.

In the beginning we likely had no idea some of our fear-full thoughts were even 'just thoughts' and we might have reacted thinking they were the gospel truth - you know the ones where we make enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a person, thing or situation - the driver in the traffic that cut us off and we 'react' towards.

Then maybe through cause and effect and having wider understanding of a thing - say you found out later that the other driver was actually your best friend driving their mother to the hospital in a hurry ... something that makes you 'doubt' the veracity of your original thoughts/judgements and reactions based on your thoughts - or you pick up a book or are somehow exposed to ET and/or other philosophers who have gained awareness of the falsity of most thoughts that are generated in ego/fear/separation.

So then you enter the second stage - conscious incompetence - you realise you previously didn't even know this information and you start 'evaluating' your thoughts - as it said above mistakes are rife in this stage, but that's a good thing, it's a journey of discovery.

The conscious competence of evaluating your thoughts in the third stage requires concentration on the skill... if the skill is being aware of your thoughts guess what? You're going to be more aware of your thoughts :shock: you may think (hehehe) that this means that you're a compulsive thinker and start making .. hmm... an enemy, obstacle or means to an end about your thoughts until you realise this is futile and you start instead to 'notice' and 'discern' your thoughts, the energy and effort is more subtle and you start to let your thoughts come and go and if they are generated in fear etc you 'notice' this too and those ones come under conscious scrutiny for validity.

In time, depending on the degree of 'resistance' to the natural process of thoughts appearing, as well as to the 'content' of those thoughts, you become like a master at this. You sail along letting all manner of thoughts come and go, like breezes flowing through your brain, adjusting actions according to your new knowledge and recognising the different energy of love & fear thoughts. In love you flow through to action, in fear you 'notice' and hold off on action until such time as you are in harmony with 'what is'.

In this stage I find things like taking offence at a thing might stop you in your tracks as you realise that that thought is your reaction to something or one and there's an immediate recognition of the falsity of something along the path of that thought to reaction process. It also helps you to respond in incredible love and creative actions because there's a resonance of purity and harmony with what is arising being recognised, or noticed in thought.

In the fourth stage you don't even have to 'think about this', it happens in a natural flow, it becomes an amazing force of nature - this is creation in action and you a part of the dance of harmonies. Only when you hit a speed bump do you have to resort to concentrated evaluation of your thoughts, responding in love and mitigating false fears becomes a second nature.

Fifth stage - The model is expanded by some users to include a fifth stage, which is not part of the original model from Gordon Training International. The exact composition of this stage varies between authors. Some refer to reflective ability, or "conscious competence of unconscious competence", as being the fifth stage, while others use the fifth stage to indicate complacency.


I find the discussion of this fifth stage interesting and it may be the difference in my notions and those who espouse 'no thought, no reality etc' but it's probably not necessary to discuss it here. Mostly though I'd use the Dalai Lama as a working example of the "conscious competence of unconscious competence" it's all creation energy flowing through with absolute awareness being expressed at different levels of energy like music flowing through your speakers, but having the volume switch perfectly metered for different situations. Only when you have to explain it to someone, why you chose the response you did, how you reached that level of discernment across multiple layers of unconsciously conscious awareness do you have to unpack it.

For the moment, my discernment is that the thoughts that are carrying you, the ones you are replaying where examples have been used above are all love /expansion energies, not an ego or obstacle or enemy in sight in the 'content' of them.
For me this shows that in emptying your brain of egoic fearful thoughts and energies, this is what has now flowed in to the space you have made.

What you seem to be making an enemy of is the process within your brain and that may be from your understanding of what you've read, or trying to follow the no mind / no thought way (which I cant even imagine why anyone would want to effectively give themself a spiritual lobotomy, but that's just my take - it's not emptying the mind to keep it empty, it's emptying the mind so undistorted creation can flow in and through it).

By being conscious of your thoughts and thought processes you have 'turned the volume of your awareness up' and added layers of resistance to them being there in the first place. This is second/third stage learning as far as I can see, but you'd be better able to discern if that's where you are at.

Apologies for the length of this post, it does take some explaining, and you are all worth it.

If I might add, those who stay in fear usually stay at the first level in unconscious incompetence creating an enemy of everything, so you have all gone beyond that.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby Golf » Wed May 23, 2012 12:00 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote:For the moment, my discernment is that the thoughts that are carrying you, the ones you are replaying where examples have been used above are all love /expansion energies, not an ego or obstacle or enemy in sight in the 'content' of them.
For me this shows that in emptying your brain of egoic fearful thoughts and energies, this is what has now flowed in to the space you have made. What you seem to be making an enemy of is the process within your brain and that may be from your understanding of what you've read


Yes, that rings true. Most of the time I had "bad" stuff (fear, ego) that was producing "bad" thoughts, and I was focused on dealing with them. Maybe I had "good" thoughts too, but I didn't "notice" them as much because they didn't "hurt". But now there were some "good" energies, and the mind started producing "good" thoughts that were still so persistent that they "hurt". Makes sense.
However let me re-iterate myself:
I spent the weekend having a pretty "good" time, probably being more present, in the now. And there were some "good" emotions present too (thrill, excitement...) And when these emotions subsided, and my emotional "heaviness" returned (I got from "high" to "low"), the mind starts replaying the movies and music, and it seems it's actually doing that because it's trying to "make" the "good" emotions to happen again. It's like it "identifies" with these events, labeling them as "producing a high". Like an addiction.

These intense "good" thoughts lasted for maybe a day or two and they subsided now. Looking back, I was making them into somewhat of an enemy. Perhaps the best way to deal with them would have been just accepting them, surrendering to them, offering no resistance in the form of "thoughts shouldn't come at me so persistently".
But accepting them seems easier only now that we seem to understand the reason why they came. I find myself being able to "accept" certain emotions and thoughts when I figure out intelectually what's causing them and why they're here. I can't really do "acceptance" before that.
Maybe I still have an issue with control, with "needing to understand", before I can be at peace? Like, not being at peace when I don't "understand"? Not being able to more completely surrender?
"If you're so smart, how come you're working at a gas station?"
-"It's a service station. We offer service, there is no higher purpose."
8)
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Re: Ego replaying movies, music, conversations...

Postby smiileyjen101 » Wed May 23, 2012 2:01 pm

Golf the 'breadth' of judging things good.... bad is a swinging pendulum. Be that of emotions or experiences or people, or situations, or relationships - what swings in a good direction must in order to come to balance in the centre of a thing, swing first the other way.

When we allow creation to work through our full creative powers of intellect, emotion, physical senses and soul we become aware of the vast depth of everything, and the many vantage points from which to view them.

The depth allows for the width without judgement, without it needing to swing from one to the other at all, but encompassing it all, this is the wisdom of the ages - the eternal, the all.

maybe this will help you with your notion of acceptance.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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