My Life : A Disaster

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby DavidB » Sat Jun 23, 2012 11:27 am

rideforever wrote:My life has been severely damaged by abuse/trauma and now I am looking for ways to rapidly remediate the situation so I can be fully functional, and exceptional, now in this life - to be everything that I can be to the maximum extent - now.

If you can imagine that money was no object, motivation was no object, spirit was no object, intelligence fluidity courage sensitivity was no object - that you had all the facility and capability now -

- what would you do to fix the situation now ? That is my question.



Again to restate what needs to change :

a. the total lack of social development within the mind due to lack on contact with other human beings from a young age
b. all the self-defeating beliefs that I have internalised
c. the traumatic conditioning that replays when triggered - frequently and to devastating effect



a. Social intelligence takes time, practice and exposure. You cannot develop social intelligence by hoping for it, or reading about it, or meditating on it, you have to get out there and do it. There is no other way. It is difficult at first and you may even feel really, really embarrassed, frightened and awkward, but with experience you get better at, then your confidence builds and then eventually it becomes second nature, as with all things.

I used to suffer from terrible social anxiety, really bad. Because of the paralyzing fear that I experienced, my social skills were terribly underdeveloped due to avoiding social situations most of my life. All sorts of negative, critical thoughts would flood my consciousness, making it a nightmare to be in public. Parties for most people are great fun, but for me, they were like a torturous prison. The only way I could cope in such situations was to get drunk and hope nobody talked to me. I was terrified, like a trapped animal. Ironically though, inside I had a burning desire to be like everybody else, to be able to enjoy human interaction without worrying about this debilitating fear and the incessant self focus, the incessant negative thoughts and emotions.

b. Self focus can become compounding, it can draw the attention away from the other person and focuses it internally on our automatic negative thought stream. This can so cloud our consciousness, that we can't communicate effectively, cannot connect with other people, and then this validates our automatic negative thought stream. It snowballs. We then become discouraged and even give up trying all together.

c. You are probably a very sensitive person. Hypersensitive even. This is not a bad thing, it is a good thing to be sensitive. It helps us to be very keen observers of life, picking up on very subtle clues and understanding things at a much deeper and more intimate level of experience.

In our current society that over emphasizes extroversion, the introverted hypersensitive is treated almost like an outcast. We naturally pick up on this, being hypersensitive an all, and then become even more withdrawn as we begin to feel as though there is something wrong with us, unworthy, rejected and abnormal, and we may even begin to hate or resent ourselves. This is where the automatic negative thinking and emotions arises from. Don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault.

Be happy in the knowledge that you may well be much more sensitive than others and have a natural tendency toward internalizing your experiences. This is not a bad thing, it is a good thing, it makes the whole process of inner discovery so much more initiative for you. The hard part is undoing the negative self image and replacing it with one of unconditional love. This takes time and practice but with persistence, it does happen. I'm proof of that. :)
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:09 pm

Ok. But after 40 years what I have been doing has not worked.

When I am in a 'social' situation I often have very bad traumatic responses and there is no help - and this is not improving. I have read all the books. I really need someone to be there with me put me in the situation and help me collect the fragments of my mind as they explode. If there is not somebody there I will either a. avoid, or b. go in and fall apart. Neither of which helps me.

Yes I can do a course, but it is just a weekend - it is not enough time. Basically I need an assisted re-socialising with trauma recovery over months - or I will never regain what I have lost.

So my question again is ... where and how to fix it the fastest.

(I really don't care any more that I am so lucky to be 'sensitive'.)
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby DavidB » Sun Jun 24, 2012 7:34 am

So my question again is ... where and how to fix it the fastest.



As you say, unless you can find someone willing to take the time and effort to help rehabilitate you, then I really have no idea.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Mon Jun 25, 2012 12:55 am

Well it's nice to be agreed with about something !
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby Yutso » Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:56 am

rideforever writes, "My life has been severely damaged by abuse/trauma..."

And so, trust can become a central issue in one's life. Every impulse to trust can be accompanied by the fear, dread, and expectation of suffering.

Sometimes an abused person does not want to risk trusting again. For could not healing be mis-interpreted that the abuse was not as bad or traumatic as it was? If one heals, would that be somehow minimizing the horrific acts of the abuser, letting them off the hook?

Can you trust this? At the center of your being is a living reality which is untouched by sin or illusion.

The abuser could not reach this center. This center is and always has been whole, complete; untouched by anything done to you or by anything you have done. This center of your being is inseperable from who you are.
Last edited by Yutso on Tue Jun 26, 2012 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby DavidB » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:30 am

Well it's nice to be agreed with about something !


Happy to be of assistance. :)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think what you've been saying is that you don't require any more advice or moral support, as you already know enough of that already, and it isn't helping your particular situation anyway. What you need is practical, hands on assistance from someone that can help you to integrate into a "normal" social life. And does anyone know how I could find this?

I'm not sure whether anyone offers this sort of service. Unless someone here knows of a service or knows of someone that would be wiling to assist?
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:40 am

Yutso wrote:The abuser could not reach this center. This center is and always has been whole, complete; untouched by anything done to you or by anything you have done. This center of your being is inseperable from who you are.

I agree. But so what ? What is your advice then ? To not worry about it ... I sometimes have great difficulty struggling through the day, there is a lot of pain.

Shall I sit in a monastery, meditating all day - to what end ? Surely I came to this planet for more that that - and so my job is to repair it, which is what I am trying.

Another factor you must consider is that my ability to understand anything you say has been damaged. This is something that is not really talked about so much, but it is NOT the case that you just get the instructions and start working on your self - you don't know who you are. Who is reading the instructions ? I have about a million voices / drives and goals in my head.

The situation is exactly like an insane man trying to perform brain surgery on himself. Yes he reads the instructions and gets the scalpel out - but he is crazy, so what's going to happen. The only hope is that he can reach some small area of sanity within him that can form the basis of the first operation, and then hopefully the area of sanity increases each time.

Also it is very evident to me that as I am now I am talking from within a trauma response, so nothing I say can be taken at face value.
Last edited by rideforever on Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:43 am

DavidB wrote:Unless someone here knows of a service or knows of someone that would be wiling to assist?


Certainly Primal Integration and Rebirthing I have felt helped me, but there is no community that I could find where you can live, just workshops, a few days here and there. They seem to me to go reasonably deep, and so I trust them.

However, I am looking now at going to Mullingstorp in Sweden where they have a very intense process, it's expensive and lasts only for 7 days but certainly they are serious, and go deep into birth / death and trauma, the reasons you came to Earth.

http://www.mullingstorp.com/engelska/index.php
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Mon Jun 25, 2012 11:04 am

Yutso wrote:And so, as always, trust becomes the central issue in one's life. Every impulse to trust is accompanied by the fear, dread, and expectation of suffering.

I find it very hard to trust people with my feelings. For most of my life people in my family just fed on me. They just used my struggles and feelings as way for them to shit on me so they could feel good for five minutes. They loved it. They loved the pain I was in, the more pain I was in the better. And then they just walked away and left me lying there ... begging for mercy. They loved that too.

Who can I trust ? Anyone ? Is there a single person on the planet that is really trustworthy ? Isn't that what a master is, what the path is, to find something on this planet that is trustworthy ?

If you want help, sure, people come running. They come running ready for their next meal, because someone in pain is a good meal. They are in your hands and you can feast on their flesh. All the therapists in world are the same, just a little better hidden, a little deeper.

Am I trustworthy - I don't know. Maybe I can be some times, but I have hurt people. But there are times I believe I can. And I think that is rare. You need to do a vast amount of 'work' on yourself to become trustworthy.

People think they are trustworthy of course. But they don't know themselves. And most relationships are grounded in hate, disguised with a few nice words ... but inside it's nastiness. Society ? Society is just violence.

And I notice these things.

I think I have spent most of my life looking for someone trustworthy. And people say they are ... but as I look through them I can see the frame of reference and illusion within which they live and the unconsciousness that leads them to say "you can trust me". No, I can't. Judge them ? No, I don't want to blame them. This is just how it is.

I think my MO has been to push people until their frame of reference is visible. And I have yet to find someone who doesn't have flaws.

And the more deeply wounded you are the more you require trust.

My anger and despair are strong, raging. I think it's only on a forum that I dare show the level of anguish and confusion inside me.
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby DavidB » Mon Jun 25, 2012 12:12 pm

Thanks for the honesty rideforever. I really appreciate honesty. Saying exactly how you feel and exactly what you mean, is quite refreshing.

I wish I could help you out, but anything I can say or advise isn't really going to be helpful. I just hope that whatever you need, you can find, and soon. Maybe this opportunity will present itself soon, at least, I hope it does.

And you are right, there is a tendency for people to feed on the suffering of others, a need to inflate oneself. For example, I come here looking for people who need advice. I feel a need to impart my "perceived" wisdom upon those that "need" it. It's incredibly grandiose. I also come here because I have a need to connect with other people, a need to be understood and to be appreciated. These are all MY needs and I'm using others to fulfill MY needs, but they are really just my insecurities looking for validation.

Am I trustworthy? Maybe some of the time. But certainly not all of the time.

Thanks for giving me something to investigate more deeply.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby Yutso » Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:01 pm

rideforever, you show good awarenes of thoughts, emotions. Yutso is nobody's answer, not even my own.

kiki's post, "It's simpler then you think"

What we are looking for is so close it's easy to miss. Not extraordinay, ordinary. kiki's post not miss; simple awareness.
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby Lostuzer » Sun Jul 01, 2012 6:06 am

Eckhart's Core Teachings

1. You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness behind the thoughts. Thoughts are often negative and painful, yearning for or fearing something in the future, complaining about something in the present or fearing a matter from the past. However, the thoughts are not you; they are a construct of the ego. Awareness of your thoughts without being caught up in them is the first step to freedom.

2. Only the present moment exists. That is where life is (indeed it is the only place life can truly be found). Becoming aware of the "now" has the added benefit that it will draw your attention away from your (negative) thoughts. Use mindfulness techniques to fully appreciate your surroundings and everything you are experiencing. Look and listen intently. Give full attention to the smallest details.

3. Accept the present moment. It is resistance to the present moment that creates most of the difficulties in your life. However, acceptance does not mean that you cannot take action to rectify the situation you are in. What is important is to drop resistance so that you let the moment be, and that any action arises from deeper awareness rather than from resistance. The vast majority of pain in a person's life comes from resistance to what is.

4. Observe the Pain-Body. Years of conditioned thought patterns, individually and collectively, have resulted in habitual emotional reactions with an apparent personality of their own. During "Pain-Body attacks", we become completely identified with this "pain identity" and respond from its agenda -- which is to create more pain for ourselves and others. Observing the Pain-Body is awareness itself arising, as it allows humans to separate from this unconscious identification with pain.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:44 pm

Who can I trust ? Anyone ? Is there a single person on the planet that is really trustworthy ? Isn't that what a master is, what the path is, to find something on this planet that is trustworthy ?


A master is one who knows them self. Once you start transferring that knowledge it gets muddied in the process. Just as you notice your level of trustworthiness can be skewed sometimes, so it is for everyone. We're all works in progress, and that's okay.

I think my MO has been to push people until their frame of reference is visible. And I have yet to find someone who doesn't have flaws.

That's because flaws are part of the perfection.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby rideforever » Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:18 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote:

You remind me of the BBC. You want to reassure everyone - but you just don't know.
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Re: My Life : A Disaster

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sun Jul 01, 2012 11:51 pm

You remind me of the BBC.

:lol: I'm flattered!

From my perspective the BBC is balanced and presents/explores multiple perspectives on the facts, rather than sensationalising issues and being one-eyed, to the benefit of those who profit from scaremongering and creating fear and division in societies and globally.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
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