rideforever wrote:My life has been severely damaged by abuse/trauma and now I am looking for ways to rapidly remediate the situation so I can be fully functional, and exceptional, now in this life - to be everything that I can be to the maximum extent - now.
If you can imagine that money was no object, motivation was no object, spirit was no object, intelligence fluidity courage sensitivity was no object - that you had all the facility and capability now -
- what would you do to fix the situation now ? That is my question.
Again to restate what needs to change :
a. the total lack of social development within the mind due to lack on contact with other human beings from a young age
b. all the self-defeating beliefs that I have internalised
c. the traumatic conditioning that replays when triggered - frequently and to devastating effect
a. Social intelligence takes time, practice and exposure. You cannot develop social intelligence by hoping for it, or reading about it, or meditating on it, you have to get out there and do it. There is no other way. It is difficult at first and you may even feel really, really embarrassed, frightened and awkward, but with experience you get better at, then your confidence builds and then eventually it becomes second nature, as with all things.
I used to suffer from terrible social anxiety, really bad. Because of the paralyzing fear that I experienced, my social skills were terribly underdeveloped due to avoiding social situations most of my life. All sorts of negative, critical thoughts would flood my consciousness, making it a nightmare to be in public. Parties for most people are great fun, but for me, they were like a torturous prison. The only way I could cope in such situations was to get drunk and hope nobody talked to me. I was terrified, like a trapped animal. Ironically though, inside I had a burning desire to be like everybody else, to be able to enjoy human interaction without worrying about this debilitating fear and the incessant self focus, the incessant negative thoughts and emotions.
b. Self focus can become compounding, it can draw the attention away from the other person and focuses it internally on our automatic negative thought stream. This can so cloud our consciousness, that we can't communicate effectively, cannot connect with other people, and then this validates our automatic negative thought stream. It snowballs. We then become discouraged and even give up trying all together.
c. You are probably a very sensitive person. Hypersensitive even. This is not a bad thing, it is a good thing to be sensitive. It helps us to be very keen observers of life, picking up on very subtle clues and understanding things at a much deeper and more intimate level of experience.
In our current society that over emphasizes extroversion, the introverted hypersensitive is treated almost like an outcast. We naturally pick up on this, being hypersensitive an all, and then become even more withdrawn as we begin to feel as though there is something wrong with us, unworthy, rejected and abnormal, and we may even begin to hate or resent ourselves. This is where the automatic negative thinking and emotions arises from. Don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault.
Be happy in the knowledge that you may well be much more sensitive than others and have a natural tendency toward internalizing your experiences. This is not a bad thing, it is a good thing, it makes the whole process of inner discovery so much more initiative for you. The hard part is undoing the negative self image and replacing it with one of unconditional love. This takes time and practice but with persistence, it does happen. I'm proof of that.