I don't like being "god"

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

I don't like being "god"

Postby AnonyMouse » Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:46 pm

The more I awake, the more I feel I look down on other "unconscious" people, like I judge them, feel sorry for them or think as Jesus "forgive them for they know not what they do".
I feel so arrogant.
Who am I to rise above anything, anyone?
I'm just a little human being.
I don't like seeing through other people, looking down on them, like that. "Seeing the bigger picture"
I feel removed from other people.
I feel nihilistic. Nothing matters. Everything is a product of the mind/ego/imagination.
Nobody I know are into Eckhart Tolle, awakening, truth, conscious living, self-realization or all that stuff. They just don't like to question life etc.
They want to watch TV, eat pizza and get drunk. As do I. Yet I don't.
The more I "wake up", the more I feel disconnected from everyone I know. I can feel they just think I'm crazy. Maybe they are actually spot on?
Sometimes it feels like I'm in hell. Alone, lonely, love-less, disconnected, rejected.
But I can't go back to being ignorant again, as much as I want to. It's too late. I have tried, again and again.

I feel like the bad guy in the movie The Matrix who eats the not-real but delicious steak and says "after 9 years, you know what I realize?.. Ignorance is bliss!"
He is somewhat awake, but he consciously choses the ignorant feel-good way of life, instead of the rough and real truth

I'm so divided. And my mind hates my mind.

What to "do"?
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby AnonyMouse » Mon Jul 09, 2012 11:12 pm

Maybe this should be moved to "pain and suffering" category?
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby karmarider » Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:45 am

Yes, it can be confusing. You're going through changes. Some of them may not feel comfortable. People around you might not look at you in the same way. The frustration that others don't understand and the consequential guilt about feeling that way can happen. Compassion can also happen, sometimes to the point of sadness. The feeling of emptiness can also happen.

These kind of things get talked about here on this forum so I think you will find help here.

I have a release technique which has helped me through this.

And there are other ways to get some psychological comfort. Adyashanti's True Meditation is pretty good. The Sedona Method is also good (the book is sufficient in my opinion; you do not need to take the seminars). There are many who have free material which might be helpful: John Sherman, Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle and so on.
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:51 am

cool noticing!

Your tagline kind of says it all - Eggs uses hens to become more eggs.

Can you en-joy - put joy into and be at peace with being an egg or a hen, for after all you are both/neither.

You could be an egg biatching about being an egg all confined in this cramped space with no light and no interaction with others, then break through your shell and realise, oh crap, now I have to dig around in the dirt to feed myself! And, do you see all those greedy hens over there.. biatch, biatch, biatch


Or you could be in the bliss of being surrounded by your safehome and when you come out of your eggshell go wow, there's all this cool stuff to see and explore!!

The choice is yours.

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby AnonyMouse » Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:26 am

Thank you karmarider, for the PM too
I will respond here.. it's better

My story/mind is pretty complex and twisted..
My mother has schizofrenia, and I have some of that too. Not as far out though.. But my mind can totally grab me, and then I can only surrender to it and ride the wave untill it tire off and I can return to a more peaceful, down-to-earth state.
But I guess I'm slowly getting better at not getting drawn in, quicker. And better at letting go, gently..

I do not meditate where I sit down and observe.. I have done/tried it several times before though. But which part of me will get me to sit still and meditate regularly? My mind.. and that just don't work for me.
But I'm "meditating" more and more as a natural state in daily life without doing/excercising anything. Just small unforced breaks where I notice what's happening. I think thats the way for me.
Otherwise my crazy ego resists.
I have to slowly trick/tame it ;)

Some years ago I took a lot of hash, LSD and ecstacy while playing in a psychedelic band, and after all that stopped I started reading a lot of books like The Power Of Now.
I overdid it. I read TPON 5 times or so. My mind was filled with all that stuff..
And I started isolating from the world. Became more and more introvert and anxious/paranoid.
I probably had a meltdown, psychotic depression or some other word. Many times I had big trouble leaving my appartment, even to buy groceries.
The outside "normal" world became too much for me and I became too sensitive.
So I had to move back in at my parents for 1½ year or so.

Now I have just got my own appartment again, and I'm excited to move on.
Return to life.. slowly joining the inward and outward world. I hope
Last edited by AnonyMouse on Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:32 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby AnonyMouse » Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:28 am

smiileyjen101 wrote:
The choice is yours.



So free will exists? :P

But you're right. I think I have finally chosen, after being in total darkness (death), to be on the bright way full-on (just live and accept what's happening right now). But there's no light without darkness some say..
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby karmarider » Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:52 am

AnonyMouse wrote:...My story/mind is pretty complex and twisted..
My mother has schizofrenia, and I have some of that too. Not as far out though.. But my mind can totally grab me, and then I can only surrender to it and ride the wave untill it tire off and I can return to a more peaceful, down-to-earth state.
But I guess I'm slowly getting better at not getting drawn in, quicker. And better at letting go, gently..


If I remember your PM correctly, I think you live where you have access to medical services. Take full advantage of it.

I do not meditate where I sit down and observe.. I have done/tried it several times before though. But which part of me will get me to sit still and meditate regularly? My mind.. and that just don't work for me.
But I'm "meditating" more and more as a natural state in daily life without doing/excercising anything. Just small unforced breaks where I notice what's happening. I think thats the way for me.
Otherwise my crazy ego resists.
I have to slowly trick/tame it ;)


It's not necessary to meditate. There many other techniques. I like John Sherman's "looking at the sense of you." We've already talked about the release technique. Just observing, noticing, is powerful.

You don't have to trick or tame the ego. The ego are just thoughts and emotions and beliefs you have about you. In itself it's not a bad thing; you actually need it. What makes the ego troublesome is fear.

Some years ago I took a lot of hash, LSD and ecstacy while playing in a psychedelic band, and after all that stopped I started reading a lot of books like The Power Of Now.
I overdid it. I read TPON 5 times or so. My mind was filled with all that stuff..
And I started isolating from the world. Became more and more introvert and anxious/paranoid.
I probably had a meltdown, psychotic depression or some other word. Many times I had big trouble leaving my appartment, even to buy groceries.
The outside "normal" world became too much for me and I became too sensitive.
So I had to move back in at my parents for 1½ year or so.

Now I have just got my own appartment again, and I'm excited to move on.
Return to life.. slowly joining the inward and outward world. I hope


Yes, I've gone through that too--the isolation, depression, anxiety; the compulsive energy of seeking, and so on. It sounds like you're emerging again. That's wonderful.

Continue participating here. You'll find some like-minded and helpful people here.
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Re: I don't like being "god"

Postby ZenCowgirl » Wed Jul 11, 2012 6:34 am

AnonyMouse - look at your profile picture. It's so cute. are you the little fish jumping out of the bowl to be in the big sea or the little fish in the big sea looking to get back into the little bowl? Whichever fish you are, the other fish (those other people) are not really so different from you. When you go out and mingle and see others and say "I am different" try switching to "Huh. I am the same. Funny how I am the same and I look and feel so different when I am the same."

Indeed, if you feel "I am awake and they are not" try "they are awake too - just like me - they in their own ways are aware, awake." Cuz if you think you are aware and they are not, then you are not, so you are the same. But anyway, don't worry about them. Also a good idea not to waste time with them or to eat too much pizza or watch too much tv. :D Find a dance class, a book club. Paint your new apartment - paint your furniture. Invite nice people over for tea. Drink the tea. See they are the same.

A focus on their being different is just ... ego. Illusion.
A focus on being lonely is to miss the meaning of alone. alone = All One.

In Steppenwolf, Hesse's character's friends are the "passed on" geniuses - he's friends with the authors of the books he read. He calls it "The Golden Thread of Immortality." Sometimes one can find comfort in that thread and realize that aloneness is not loneliness; it is all-oneness.

As for reading PON 5 times - only five? :D I think I read it 3x and listened to it 100x.
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