Am I childish?

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Am I childish?

Postby tikey » Fri Jul 27, 2012 7:35 pm

Ha all I start this strange topic out of my worry. I seem very childish. I started using Eckhart Tolle teaching to improve my life and remove myself from the depression. It worked and I grasped the whole essence of being present etc. I had huge breakthrough and I escaped out of my ego shell. But now - and
its been a while as it is like that - I feel very childish. I am 25 and all my friends seem to me like grown ups and I feel among them like a child. I would
estimate my age for 14 years old or something like that. Its terrible feeling and it gives me a lot of discomfort. At first I was enjoying presence and it was
for me a great gift but for now I feel that Im stuck at the same level for very long time. Id like to grow up and to feel finally like grown-up self. I know
that there is a saying that to find the kingdom of heaven you have to be like little children. Thats what jesus said and Eckhart quotes him. But I was pondering
if it is normal, if I have to go through mental growing - up? I really feel like a child and my depression and ego-shell surely slowed down the process of mental
growing up, but could it be true that I am mentally 14? I mean thats not possible but what if it is true? I know that there must be an answear to my dillema.
I hate feeling like a child. Maybe I am avoiding something in real life and that makes me and my character so childish? I dont know. Its bothering me because
I cant apparently grow up and its frustrating that I am far behind my friends. Although not all of them are present, actually almost none of them are truly
present etc (so in that sense Im kind of "better") but I envy them their sense of being "25". I feel like a child and when I feel like that I know that propably
I have defensive posture towards life. I dont know where the problem lies but there surely must be some issue with my psyche. Anny suggestions? :D
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby coriolis » Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:21 pm

There is "childish" and there is "childlike".

The former connotes selfishness at not "getting one's way", shrinking from responsibility, and being possessed by a very self-centered awareness.

The latter connotes openness to possibility, unselfconsciousness, compassion for others, and a zest for being aware and "taking it all in".

You seem, from the brief description in your post, to be more childlike that childish.

If growing up means becoming un-childlike then you need none of it.
Look deeply inside yourself and try to find yourself.
The ensuing failure is the true finding
---- Wu Hsin
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby rideforever » Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:38 pm

tikey wrote:I know that propably I have defensive posture towards life.

Can you say more about this ?
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:35 am

There is a wonderful word - neoteny
- means mature but retaining child-like qualities.

The child-like qualities many grown ups discard along the way include
- curiosity
- flexibility
- awe and wonder at things not quite understood yet
- generosity of spirit - from no sense of 'lack' beyond this moment
- seeing the fun in the mundane
- jumping right in fully in the moment (enjoyment)
- tenacity to try another way
- immediate expression of emotions
- knowing we don't know everything, but we may know more than some

What we 'trade' towards if we lose these qualities is
- a false sense of security
- a false sense of 'self' - more determined by how others see us
- projection to future or past
- thinking our knowledge is absolute
- thinking our perspective is the only valid one

- wishing we were a child again :lol:
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby Blenderhead » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:39 am

As Adyashanti realized early in his life: Adults are insane :)
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby tikey » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:36 pm

rideforever wrote:
tikey wrote:I know that propably I have defensive posture towards life.

Can you say more about this ?


What I mean is hard to explain. I got a lot of resposibilities that I dont make. Instead since my friends moved in I drink a lot of beer, smoke some ciggys,
and basically have leisure type of life. But Im bored with it, I wish I'd have some more meaningfull life, a life fulled with something that drives me forward.
And I think I am resisting that change and in a sense I am like "child in wonderland of alcohol,drugs,cigarretes etc" and computer games.

I developed very addictive posture towards life and I find it very difficult to change. For example my resposibilities are just too much for me - I cant stand them
and I had almost to repeat my exams because I failed them. Some of them I do - in september. So in that sense I am defensive against any change in my life.
Defensive against any opportunity to truly life. One might say that I am just "enjoyin my life" but if that is truth how would you explain my tremendous difficulties
with my studies. I feel overwhelmed by basic exercises we have to do. They al involve creativity and I feel creatively blocked and unable to squeeze anything
out of me. I was thinking that the reason for that is my addictive life stayle and that I dont have any passions. I dont know whats the real answear to my puzzle.

In a sense I was feeling that I am resisting life and hiding in a bush of pleasure.
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby rideforever » Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:43 pm

What are you doing that is healthy ?
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby tikey » Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:18 pm

sleeping
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby rideforever » Sat Jul 28, 2012 2:58 pm

Hi. You say you are addicted to your lifestyle of smoking, drinking, sleeping, and video games. And also that you have discovered presence through Eckhart Tolle.

What does presence mean to you the, because from this description it doesn't sound like you have discovered presence.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby tikey » Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:49 pm

I dont think that the topic of this discourse it to figure that out. If you want to troll find some other forum plz.
Im just a cloudless sky :)
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Re: Am I childish?

Postby karmarider » Sat Jul 28, 2012 9:03 pm

tikey wrote:...Anny suggestions? :D


The feeling that you are more childish than others might be the same as the slight sense shame many of us feel. You feel childish, I had felt "not good enough." I think it comes from the conflict that we are not who we are pretending to be. The work we do with ET and others is the work of becoming who we already are: natural, free human beings. The work is really a work of loss, to lose the insanity that we are anything other than who we already are. Jed Mckenna had a qood
quotation about this feeling of shame but I can't find it.

So the only thing I can suggest on this is to continue your inner exploration. This feeling went away in me when I realized that the only problem there is and ever was, is the basic fear of life, the inner context of dissatisfaction in which we all form. And John Sherman's "looking at the sense of me" has been a great help.

On the smoking addiction, I found easy help in Allen Carr, particularly the Easyway video. It wasn't just easy to quit; it was actually enjoyable.

On alcohol, Rational Recovery is pretty good.
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