My 'progress' so far

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My 'progress' so far

Postby Natalie » Mon Aug 13, 2012 3:29 am

Once I became aware of awareness, something happened….an ‘anchoring' of sorts. A feeling that no matter how far I run or how much I hurt, there is a lifeline that will always keep me connected to the great mystery of my existence.

I have a small hand-held vacuum cleaner which I use to get my pets’ hairs off my sofas. It sits on the floor of my family room, behind a bar stool. The part that I remove to vacuum the sofas is long and curvy. This part sits on a much smaller and rounder base which houses the battery. The long curvy part must rest on the round base securely anchored by a flap that I must fit into a groove for the charge to be delivered. The person that goes by Natalie is the long and curvy part that gets unanchored a few times a day to pick up the hairs. It’s the part that has a penchant for excessive thinking and occasionally fears the future and regrets the past.

Natalie’s true self is the round base housing the battery, noiseless and immutable. Natalie has had some very intimate moments with her true self, so mind-boggling intimate that she is somewhat embarrassed to disclose all the glorious details. These moments only occur when the flap is securely anchored into the groove, when Natalie feels her inner-body or observes her thoughts until they stop emerging, giving birth to that black void she feared at first, but now secretly welcomes. These fleeting but supremely profound moments have given Natalie a certainty, a knowing, that there is more to Natalie than just a long curvy body and black hairs on red couches.

Natalie goes through phases when she craves to understand the mechanics and chemistry between her long and curvy body and the smaller rounder base where she comes to rest each night. She’s is just smart enough to see that fitting the flap into the groove is crucial to this understanding. During these phases, Natalie compulsively surfs the internet for teachers and teachings, rereads PON and ANE, saddened by the syrupy aroma emitted by her favorite spiritual forums.

Then, magically, boom……it happens. Fear and regret disappear. No, wait, they don’t disappear, they are understood, utterly understood. Understood to a degree where they cease to exist, giving the appearance that they have disappeared. Natalie sees that the fear and regret that hunt her at times are part of who she is, part of her own being. She clearly sees the insanity behind her fear and regret, behind her internet searching and dislike of religion and syrupy belief systems. She is the long curvy part and the small round base. She is the black hairs and the red couches. She gets the joke, and when she does, her belly bursts into indescribable laughter and her heart fills with the sweetest sweetest sweetest sweetest sensation she’s ever felt, so densely sweet that it makes her chest explode in waves of ecstasy, AND she rests and feasts on this for as long as it lasts, for she knows this too shall pass.

And when it passes, I write posts like this hoping to hear from others with similar experiences, and secretly wishing that some of your stories will convince me that there is more to the mystery than these oscillations.

Natalie
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 4:30 am

She gets the joke, and when she does, her belly bursts into indescribable laughter and her heart fills with the sweetest sweetest sweetest sweetest sensation she’s ever felt, so densely sweet that it makes her chest explode in waves of ecstasy, AND she rests and feasts on this for as long as it lasts, for she knows this too shall pass.



How does this compare - if at all to -

... the syrupy aroma emitted by her favorite spiritual forums.




And when it passes, I write posts like this hoping to hear from others with similar experiences, and secretly wishing that some of your stories will convince me that there is more to the mystery than these oscillations.



Nope, that''s all it is - what more were you hoping for? What more could you possibly desire?

Except, maybe to carry this awareness into other arenas / situations - then yes, it is limitless.

What you've discovered is 'process' all the 'stories' are more of the same just applied in different 'content'.

thanks for sharing it : )
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby Natalie » Mon Aug 13, 2012 5:06 am

“How does this compare - if at all to -
... the syrupy aroma emitted by her favorite spiritual forums.”

I can see how it compares very very well smiley. I didn’t mean to point at a specific thread or poster with this reference but it really is the way I feel at times.

“Except, maybe to carry this awareness into other arenas / situations - then yes, it is limitless.”

Ditto. I can clearly see that these experiences and realizations need not be confined to my meditations in the privacy of my bedroom, although I am having a bit of a hard time imagining how I could apply them to my tedious work as a financial auditor.

I have ventured into the field of interpersonal relationships with my ‘bedroom findings” and have obtained encouraging results in that department. I now remain anchored while my oldest daughter, my greatest guru, rants and raves about everything that’s going wrong in her life, which according to her is everything, all the time. These conversations used to send me into drinking and eating binges but not anymore. I am afraid to admit that most times they don't even face me.

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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby karmarider » Mon Aug 13, 2012 5:52 am

Yes, my experience is similar. The existentialist questions, which might loom so large in our consciousness for while, are not answered, but rather disappeared.
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby runstrails » Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:01 am

Very nice post, Nat! Its always great to hear from you.
I can relate to what karmarider is saying too---questions have disappeared for the most part. Mostly, its obvious there is nothing much more to know/understand or figure out any more. Just going about life--foibles and all. Its all good :).
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby Natalie » Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:15 am

Great to hear from you trails. Good to know you are in a good space. take care

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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby alex » Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:52 pm

Nice to read how you chicky babes are doing, I haven't been here much. Life is sweet really and there aint much to say!
Blessings and love
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby alex » Mon Aug 20, 2012 2:03 pm

Perhaps we could chat about the outter world? Did you guys wanna know something crazy? I joined a modelling agency a while back (I'm 5'11" and apparantly suited to the catwalk) and I was talked into entering this modelling competition, well it turns out I won!! Haha, so now I'm getting flown to Sydney from Cairns to compete in the Miss World Supermodel Competition. I find it such an interesting side of life. It makes me giggle, how fake it all is really but I'm having fun playing the game and strutting my stuff. Definitely good motivation to work out! Interestingly I've been told I have a great walk, my method is to be intensely present and in my body when I'm up there, maybe it shows through.
The rest of life is swell, my little boy is just toooooo sweet, ever so cheeky but gosh he brings so much laughter and joy to my life. Whats new with you guys? ( I hope I'm not rudely hi-jacking your thread Nat?)
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby runstrails » Mon Aug 20, 2012 4:19 pm

How super alex! What a fun experience to be so intensely present amidst all the superficial glitter of the modeling world. All the best on the miss world supermodel contest---do keep us posted. Oh and upload some pics of course ;).
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby rachMiel » Mon Aug 20, 2012 5:10 pm

You go gurl! Bringin' heart to the catwalk ... :-)
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby smiileyjen101 » Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:31 pm

That's 'super' news Alex!
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby Natalie » Tue Aug 21, 2012 1:09 am

That's an amazing turn of events Alex. Sounds like so much fun. It would be so neat to see you on TV. Let us know. Glad to hear you're doing great. Best wishes to you and your little man. :)

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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby alex » Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:15 am

Thanks guys :) I'll keep u posted for sure. Love xo
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Re: My 'progress' so far

Postby kiki » Fri Aug 24, 2012 2:06 pm

Wow - Alex!
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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