my experience

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

my experience

Postby dan2 » Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:12 pm

Hi from downunder!, i'd like to share a happening with everyone.

Earlier on in the year I became aware of eckhart tolle's books. they came at a time when i was going through much suffering, when it felt like my world had been turned upside down and nothing could ever be the same. i had the books with me for weeks and wouldn't put them down.


Then I had a period of 10-14 days where my reality changed. i felt grounded, i felt spacious, i felt vast, there was no fear, no want for anything, everything was, i felt at peace with everything and anything. it felt as if everything flowed out of me. i wasn't attached to anything, i felt vibrant. i remember driving and feeling as if i could see anything coming.. i cant find exact words for what it felt like but it was like there was a control or decisiveness there. it felt like a trailer of my past history/ conditioning/beliefs had been unhitched and EVERYTHING WAS SO VERY SIMPLE. It was the most mind blowing, amazing place to be. everything was there. if i wanted something of form a path could be made with ease. but i didn't want anything. the mind was still there but was not adding, judging. it felt like a tool, something i could call on to work out a logistical problem. i am a tradesman and it felt like i was working with absolute ease and more productive than ever, like i did one thing at a time and was sort of on autopilot, and was just THERE and no where else..

during this time i would pick up tolle's book and read a phrase and just say yes yes yes to it. it was perfect.. funny thing was i knew i didn't need to read anything or add anything it was all there already, like a vast space of knowing

I could feel this powerful energy field within, i felt radiant, i could see people respond positively toward me. i remember waking up in the morning and feeling the 'old' me energy field, it was like a subtle constant feeling of nausea or being sick, like the feeling when you panic or are threatenend only more dull. then i would get up and move around and it would all comeback. a flood of vibrancy or positivity.. i dont really have words for it.

Then that nausea energy came back, the feeling i'd lived with for as long as i knew, that underlying energy which felt normal.. i can sort of feel it now as i write.. it hit me hard, much more pronounced than it normally is.a feeling of heaviness, like a ton of bricks. feeling of vomiting, constricition. thoughts of disbelief that this bliss was over. there was such a vast difference.

over the past 6 months since this happened i have been reading and listening to tolle on a daily basis. i definitely 'understand' the workings of the ego better than before. but i see myself or rather my ego chasing this elusive 'goal'. at times its like my ego got a whif and it thinks it can add these amazing powers to its arsenal. i struggle with turning off the mind or rather, not following its trail. i struggle with feeling the inner body, with being that stillness, its like my mind will comment on every little thing as i go.

the feeling of oneness is shadowed by seperateness by judgement of others and situations, by non acceptance. its like i'm waiting for this prize to reappear, and i'm creating suffering in the meantime for myself and others.

the one thing i know though is that its all within me and within everyone, its not something you have to study, think about, calculate, analyse. you just have to accept, to die and it will shine through.

any thoughts or questions are welcomed!
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Re: my experience

Postby karmarider » Mon Aug 20, 2012 9:21 pm

I'll always be grateful to Tolle because he got me started. After reading the PON six, seven years ago, I felt a heightened sense of awareness and positivity for a about year, like you. It collapsed, hehe. I moved on from Tolle. At this point I don't take any teacher too seriously, but I tend generally to listen to those whose awakening has not been accidental, and those who see that the basic problem is a delusion of fear. Jed Mckenna, Nisargadatta, John Sherman, and the like. And of course, life itself.
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Re: my experience

Postby Testigo » Thu Oct 04, 2012 2:55 pm

After some years of trying to be present as much as possible:
One night, more than three years ago, while preparing myself for a good position laying down on the sofa to watch TV, almost casually I said twice ”I am” following one of the suggestions of Tolle. Very difficult to describe with words what happened then: I found myself surrounded or absorbed by a wonderful light, and a feeling of inefable peace took posession of me. I was one with that light, with the moment, with the Universe. I could feel that my concience was 100% with it, and that NOTHING around me could be more important than the experience itself. The world just ceased to exist, and for ”many hours” I enjoyed it. When finally I ”woke up”, the first thing that I realized was that the process of getting into the experience had not been concient, that is, that I got inside it gradually, in the same way one falls asleep. I felt like having been the whole night having the experience. Very soon I realized that that could not be possible: My wife was in the same room and she was still in the same place I have seen her last. I can’t say how long the experience took: It could be just a fraction of a second or perhaps a few minutes as much. I really don’t know. That experience has not been repeated, by I wrote it here to attest that in the teachings of Tolle are an inmense truth.
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Re: my experience

Postby imago dei » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:17 pm

karmarider wrote:I'll always be grateful to Tolle because he got me started. After reading the PON six, seven years ago, I felt a heightened sense of awareness and positivity for a about year, like you. It collapsed, hehe. I moved on from Tolle. At this point I don't take any teacher too seriously, but I tend generally to listen to those whose awakening has not been accidental, and those who see that the basic problem is a delusion of fear. Jed Mckenna, Nisargadatta, John Sherman, and the like. And of course, life itself.

So, you mean you've "lost" that serenity you found with the awakening?? Are you still aware or not? How is your life now?? I don't think such experience like that can be forgotten in any sense, and then turn back in a black hole of uncounsciouness...
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Re: my experience

Postby karmarider » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:32 pm

imago dei wrote:
karmarider wrote:I'll always be grateful to Tolle because he got me started. After reading the PON six, seven years ago, I felt a heightened sense of awareness and positivity for a about year, like you. It collapsed, hehe. I moved on from Tolle. At this point I don't take any teacher too seriously, but I tend generally to listen to those whose awakening has not been accidental, and those who see that the basic problem is a delusion of fear. Jed Mckenna, Nisargadatta, John Sherman, and the like. And of course, life itself.


So, you mean you've "lost" that serenity you found with the awakening?? Are you still aware or not? How is your life now?? I don't think such experience like that can be forgotten in any sense, and then turn back in a black hole of uncounsciouness...


My life is fine. In the context of this conversation, I was just trying to say that in my experience, awakening is a process. It's a process in which I have been increasingly more conscious and less fearful. For quite some time, the process was traumatic and confusing and back-and-forth. But in the last two years, it has been a very enjoyable and creative process. If I had to point to one thing which has been critical in the process, I would say it was the understanding of fear.
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Re: my experience

Postby Sighclone » Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:33 am

k-r

We have always enjoyed your presence here, and were very aware of your brief departure and some of the angst you were feeling. I agree completely about the process. There are "experiences" which inevitably both fade and leave a trace...sometimes a large trace.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: my experience

Postby Onceler » Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:12 pm

I have never been blessed (cursed?) with the kind of state you describe and for many years felt that I was missing something or defective in my spiritual search. I really wanted it badly.....now I don't. I agree that it is a process and there is more of a dropping away of negative traits and experiences (fear) rather than an adding to. Awakening seems to be a distillation, a simplification. A minus rather than a plus. Life is immersive and raw as the filters come off.
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Re: my experience

Postby Sighclone » Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:51 pm

Life is immersive and raw as the filters come off.


"Immersive," absolutely yes. But "raw?" Could you explain that more, onceler?

"Raw" has a connotation of coarse, rough, maybe even painful, to me. My experience has been much more sublime.

Thanks,

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: my experience

Postby Onceler » Sun Apr 07, 2013 12:16 am

Raw is good! I guess I was going with the unfiltered metaphor. Fresh? New? Undiluted? Sweet? They work to.....kinda like the spring sunshine we have here in eastern Pennsylvania.....a little fragile, but powerful.

It's hard to capture isn't it? I don't feel it's sublime......just absorbing, fresh and interesting.
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Re: my experience

Postby treasuretheday » Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:24 am

Yes, I heard "raw" in a good way--authentic, unvarnished...organic! Onceler, I'm a native Virginian, but I lived in eastern PA for 13 years. They were very formative, interesting years. Enjoy that soft spring sunshine!
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Re: my experience

Postby Onceler » Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:19 am

Thanks, Treasure. The spring light is amazing in the east. I lived in Charlottesville for a year or two and get down to see my brother a couple of times a year. I love Virginia! Red bud must be out......
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Re: my experience

Postby Sighclone » Sun Apr 07, 2013 4:34 am

Fresh? New? Undiluted? Sweet? They work too.....kinda like the spring sunshine we have here in eastern Pennsylvania.....a little fragile, but powerful.


Ok, fully agree...no veils, unvarnished, unconditioned, vulnerable, open, clear of armor, etc.

I guess in the essential "suchness," there is a spontaneity and flow which just seem so beautiful to me that "sublime" serves to characterize the the harmony and immanence. I was just not finding anything coarse or ragged...a minor point. I was born in Harrisburg and have dim memories of the lovely evenings.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
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Re: my experience

Postby Onceler » Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:05 pm

I'm not saying I'm awakened (I don't know what I am, just very different) .....just that many negative things in life, fear, anxiety, depression have slid away. Life is still a challenge etc, but I enjoy the challenge and don't shy away from something fearsome or potentially hurtful or uncomfortable as I used to.....hence the rawness of accepting whatever is presented and dealing with it without psychologically squirming away. At work, I'm better able to deal with uncomfortable situations and find it to be the same in my personal life. I speak up and find myself saying the truth, or something nearer the truth than in the past.....this works quite well with the teenagers I work with, by the way. They really need to hear the truth and are so used to some watered down version from adults, that directness is refreshing. I have been more direct, with respect, of course, with better results.

I'm waiting for sublime, but don't think I'm wired that way ;).....I'm coming to think that everyone's experience of "awakening" is different, hence much of the confusion......the blind men and the elephant. Of course there are many commonalities, but enough differences, given individual nervous systems, as to make folks think they are talking about different things. And then there is progression and maturation of realization(s), creating a moving spectrum of shifts, changes and integration.

Enjoy the conversation, Andy! I'm right down the road from Harrisburg, in Lancaster.
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Re: my experience

Postby treasuretheday » Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:36 pm

Onceler wrote:I'm not saying I'm awakened (I don't know what I am, just very different)
:lol: Ha, that's what I always say!

Aww, you live in Lancaster! So nice! Love it! Beautiful area. I lived in Bethlehem.
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Re: my experience

Postby Sighclone » Sun Apr 07, 2013 11:31 pm

onceler -

Totally agree with the wide varations in experience in spiritual progress. I have always loved Debussey and Ravel. That subtle, gentle quality in their music is, to me, sublime. Just me...just my thing (and others, of course.) But maybe not you, at all...and our experience of our growth may be different for each of us, absoutely.

Andy
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