Finding myself in my dog and kitaro music when i was high

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Finding myself in my dog and kitaro music when i was high

Postby tenderboy » Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:33 pm

I never could realize the being of everything in the present moment. All seemed dead, apart from me, without anything that could connect me with the other things. The idea to get rid of western culture in which I was born and to find out what is really the Reality has become my only interest since I was 15 or 16. At the beginning I was reading such things like: "Open your mind" or "Let go from your fear" or "Don't attach to the things". But nothing of that seemed to have to do with something that is really alive. So i started waiting to get enlightened. I made my self into somebody that is more spiritual than the others and didn't want to speak with the others anymore because they would only have superficial talks. I've lost all friends, my marks in school became worse and worse and I was only thinking about the thoughts from the books I was reading at home. At the beginning this has been the books from Paul Ferrini. Through internet research I have found a forum in which two authors were very present "Paul Ferrini" (that was the reason why I came to there) and Eckhart Tolle. But first I never looked at something from him. But no matter how much I have read Paul Ferrini, the pain came again and again and I was dissatisfied. There was a mysterious sentence in one of his books that I couldn't understand: "An open mind doesn't identify with his thoughts". I read that book several times but ever over-read that sentence. It seemed not important. But then I analysed the book and he wrote in later chapters that without any open mind nothing can changes. Than I read in the chapter "Opening your mind again" and over-read it again and again and i asked me the question: "what in this chapter is really the key to open your mind" - and only then I've found a little sentence "an open mind doesn't identify with his thoughts" - I didn't understand it - but something inside me said me that it must be very important. I never found an answer on that question, what this sentence means in none of his books. And I also had the feeling that the more I would read, the less would it be useful. Then later I've found an video from Eckhart Tolle where this was his first topic he spoke about and I could understand it much better. It was still only a conceptual understanding, but underneath something must happened, because I knew from the beginning that this is the teaching I've searched.

I believe I was nearly 17 or already 17 when I've started watching Eckhart Tolle's Youtube Videos. LAter I've also started reading his books, but for me seeing him speeking in a video was more helpful because every gesture of him, every reaction of the visitors etc. seemed to express everything more clearly. My life was now a mix with the normal thinking processes and the waiting towards the next little glimpse of awakening. When the glimpses were there they were mostly less than a second, but sometimes also 3 or 4 seconds. But never I could realize who I truly was. All feeling was primary just ruled by a huge pain accumulation, fear and the mind-ill addiction towards more pain. I knew already that all those things Eckhart Tolle were talking about were right and there were no doubts or something. IT was clear that THIS IS IT. But however I could never go beyond the spiritual me or realize, who I truly was.

Then later, when I was 20 when I became a student I started to take weed sometimes. And some day later, there was a strange combination of coincidances:
1. I'Ve found the awarded album from Kitaro "thinking of you" without knowing that this has any meaning
2. our dog has learned to go downstairs in our chamber
3. I was randomly sitting in a meditation position and everyone of the others has left me alone, so that I wouldn't get the feeling to get disturbed by them

Then I had a strange experience (When I had it, I was not identified with "having an experience", that was just later when I have thought about it again):
It was a coincidence and I don't know why I did it, but I used headphones and listened the first time to music when I was high. It seemed to be very inspirational and ONE PRECISE ENERGY has arisen IN ME and the following thoughts are unfortunately the only possibility for me to say it to you, though it was something very alive for me and not just a concept! I got the feeling that something beyond myself would already know who I am, but only I would have no access to it. HE was playing that music to get ME back. : Normally I couldn't feel that, because there wouldn't be enough attention. But everything has got intensified because I took weed and I weared in-ears, no one has put his thought-stream-energy towards me and this music was so sacred. Every spaciousness in it made the sound that came after that very enjoyable. Then our dog came in, and I was alone with the dog. He just walked nearby me and sat down. This was the first time that I have truely looked at the dog. Before there would only be a huge thought-stream and a thing that we call dog that would feel DEAD for me, without knowing what it truely is. But this time something very sacred has cracked up. I've seen EVERYTHING in this dog. THIS was myself. I just have to cry again just because I've thought again at this experience, but at that time all of my pain body came up so that I could be able to feel it (I have seen that this was good) and this was SOO beautiful that I would just have to cry so intensively that the others must have thought I would be in an horror trip. But I was never so happy. I loved every tear-drop. THE whole Universe was in this dog and all was one. I just have to repeat it: The description of this sounds very stupid in comparison to its reality. ITs like dead and has at least nothing to do with what I have felt. And then the song "Thinking of you" from Kitaro was at a very sensible position(from 2:33). That music uses no words, but if had one it would have said: "You was lost for 10.000 years and the pain was strong. But finally you'll be at home again if you can be open and I know you'll be".

Then I have found myself. This was my home. And though very much pain came up i couldn't resist it totally so I stayed open. I have fought all the time but I felt that If i could stay here I wouldn't need it anymore. I knew, that Ive never seen the dog before really. The dog knows who I am. The dog is not dead. It is really myself, just in another form, that was it was I have felt. It was like that GOD, who was PLAYING THAT MUSIC FOR ME, has finally just brought me home and that I coud LET GO from the idea that there was some one who need to fight any furthermore. What I have seen was a light beam in which I was transported higher and higher. I knew that even if this trip would end I would ever have been changed. The last thought I had was, that weed is maybe a tool from the ONE for the human, because if you intensify your experience, that this would at least just speed up the process of awakening, except if there is no openness at all.
tenderboy
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:51 pm

Re: Finding myself in my dog and kitaro music when i was hig

Postby Pako Chubi » Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:53 pm

Wow...amazing experience. How long has been from this?
This was your satori. The essence of what you are saying is in every satori experience, then there are the circumstances and the thought-feelings you have about it. But it's really amazing to hear your version of satori, I can know a little better now how life unfolds it's nature in front of every eye.
Just one more question, Are you still smoking weed?
I remember a few months ago I smoked weed and went to a little park and sat with my girlfriend to meditate...It was at night and all the surroundings were very quiet, almost no sounds, except for the trees that moved softly, delicately, by the wind... I closed my eyes and felt uplifted, like if I was floating, going up and up...to the point my consciousness was at the same level than the crown of the trees... So I could hear acutely the sound of the branches and leaves...

It makes me remember an analogy Eckhart uses for graphing awakening. He says if you can imagine being in a noisy disco, with loud music and everybody shouting, when suddenly the doors of the disco open and you go out. Just in front of the disco, on the other side of the sidewalk, there's a natural forest. If you walk into the forest coming from the disco, you may be too stunned to hear the subtle sounds of the forest... the leaves of the trees, the birds, little animals moving through the ground, etc. But little by little you will start hearing subtler and subtler sounds...till you regain the sensibility and be conscious again of everything that surrounds you.
He says awaking is like that...you come from the noisy mind to a more quiet place, where at first you may think "There's nothing here, and it's a little bit boring" But as you stay more in that quiet place, you start recovering your sensibility and your consciousness reaches to places that were almost impossible to reach before becouse of the mind noisy that was stunning you. Also noisy can be any identification with form that recreates itself again and again through karma...
Pako Chubi
 
Posts: 104
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Location: Argentina

Re: Finding myself in my dog and kitaro music when i was hig

Postby tenderboy » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:10 pm

First of all: Thanks for your answer. My Mind was waiting for that someone would respond on that experience. I went to this forum every day and looked if someone may have written something about my post ;) And now I am glad to have one :lol:

I've posted this maybe one, two or three weeks after it happened. Definitely not longer. But since now, I've tried another drug called "Ololiuqui", because I got the Idea that "a lot of what Natives have done in the past is maybe more rooted in our true nature than I ever have thought". So I decided to try some of the Entheogenes you can find in the Internet, but using them in the traditional way in which the natives have used them also. The Others wrote that you would need to take hundreds of seeds, but I only took 20 like the natives did.

It's amazing what you have quoted from Eckhart matches completely the experience I had: Before I did it I was sitting under a tree and tried to meditate after looking a video from Osho (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0peVQTdI3Yg). I remember that there were slight little glimpses of some seconds in which I could truely look at the nature but the thought stream was too heavy to be able to enjoy it. Later when I took the seeds and we went out of the house again into the nature I had realized one specific change in my perception: it seemed as if everything was STILLNESS and that all the forms were not so serious as it seemed to me in the past and that it doesn't matter how much noises there are the stillness would ever be ready to be perceived. I felt like that as long as I would be able to feel this CLARITY I wouldn't need to create more and more fighting against the things that happen and I loved that little peace, although i wouldn't say that I was happy. I wasn't happy because of the tons of old emotions I was carrying. But I loved the new way of living that was shown to me: I could just be open and listen to what others are saying without taking it personally.

I also thought that I wouldn't take weed anymore, just because that clarity I got from this drug was much better. It was like I was waking up from the stream of thought. Only later I've realized that there were not much thoughts. Nevertheless I took Weed several times before Ololiuqui and the last time something very helpful happened:

I didn't took much weed so I could talk normally with my family and so I could go into our garden. There I sat down in a meditation position while sun was shining on me, looked at the koi and the dog beside me, while I was listening to kitaro. The dog was also a great experience this time, but not so intensively like last time. The same I can say about the Kitaro music. But then later, a little child (3 years old) sat besides me.

That was a wounderful experience! She is not yet lost in thought! Another human being that is connected to the DIVINE! I have never experienced that before. I could feel an innocent being in it and I felt deeply connected. I felt deep love towards the child. Old pain would surely have came up, but I resisted because others of my family were watching me. The essence of both of us was the same and I could feel it. Only the form was different. My mother treats that child as if it was "Someone else that is apart from me". But I could see who she truely was. And later (actually TODAY) that child could obviously remember that I was open for it, because it seemed to realize that I was sad just like my dog does and wanted to care for me. But when it happened it wanted to stay besides of me and talked with me openly about things and laughed with me.

Both experiences have told me: Nothing is more important than being present. Nothing is more important than the NOW. Nevertheless everyone lives as if it wouldn't exist and that is insane. However, I am sitting here thinking about past and future without being able to stop my thinking processes :mrgreen:

Pako Chubi wrote:Wow...amazing experience. How long has been from this?
This was your satori. The essence of what you are saying is in every satori experience, then there are the circumstances and the thought-feelings you have about it. But it's really amazing to hear your version of satori, I can know a little better now how life unfolds it's nature in front of every eye.
Just one more question, Are you still smoking weed?
I remember a few months ago I smoked weed and went to a little park and sat with my girlfriend to meditate...It was at night and all the surroundings were very quiet, almost no sounds, except for the trees that moved softly, delicately, by the wind... I closed my eyes and felt uplifted, like if I was floating, going up and up...to the point my consciousness was at the same level than the crown of the trees... So I could hear acutely the sound of the branches and leaves...

It makes me remember an analogy Eckhart uses for graphing awakening. He says if you can imagine being in a noisy disco, with loud music and everybody shouting, when suddenly the doors of the disco open and you go out. Just in front of the disco, on the other side of the sidewalk, there's a natural forest. If you walk into the forest coming from the disco, you may be too stunned to hear the subtle sounds of the forest... the leaves of the trees, the birds, little animals moving through the ground, etc. But little by little you will start hearing subtler and subtler sounds...till you regain the sensibility and be conscious again of everything that surrounds you.
He says awaking is like that...you come from the noisy mind to a more quiet place, where at first you may think "There's nothing here, and it's a little bit boring" But as you stay more in that quiet place, you start recovering your sensibility and your consciousness reaches to places that were almost impossible to reach before becouse of the mind noisy that was stunning you. Also noisy can be any identification with form that recreates itself again and again through karma...
tenderboy
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:51 pm

Re: Finding myself in my dog and kitaro music when i was hig

Postby tenderboy » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:28 pm

Pako Chubi wrote:[...]
I remember a few months ago I smoked weed and went to a little park and sat with my girlfriend to meditate...It was at night and all the surroundings were very quiet, almost no sounds, except for the trees that moved softly, delicately, by the wind... I closed my eyes and felt uplifted, like if I was floating, going up and up...to the point my consciousness was at the same level than the crown of the trees... So I could hear acutely the sound of the branches and leaves...
[...]


I don't know why but that reminds me at the experience when I took Salvia (thats only dangerous if you take Extracts but I used leafs just like the natives had done it in the past). This time we were more deeply in the woods, at a place I feld very comfortable with. (and of course I was also listening to kitaro)

The following has happened: I was there with my little brother and his friend. There was a lot of wind out there and very beautiful but no sun. This time I could slightly enjoy it again but it felt like it were important to understand something beyond those drug experiences I've had in the past. I''ve seen a tree and some shadows that seemed to be a human for me. I knew that it wasn't but the form was like that. It was like he had a friend that was staying beside of him and both of them were a little bit far away of me, but still they were concious about everything that happened at our place, though they were talking about something else. They seemed to be angels for me that were enlightened. For me it was like if they would know that I was able to feel the DIVINE and that therefore there would be some message from the DIVINE for me. If someone would try to express that message with words, the DIVINE would have said to me: "Your Freedom can not be threatened".
tenderboy
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:51 pm


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